I just want my life to end now. I have nothing to look forward to or live for. For the past year I've lived because of my cats, I had a job lined up in my dream career and was holding onto the hope that one day I'd be loved.
I just want it to all end. I hated the career and got so depressed and stressed out I went nuclear and destroyed my chances of working in this industry. I have given up the hope that I'll ever be loved, my past is proof that will never happen for me. I am so done.
I have this stupid fucking situationship I've been in for a year and I really need to call it off. I'm going through the process of reporting my ex for DV and my situationship knows this and that my C-PTSD is highly triggered at the moment. Yet today he yelled at me and stormed off because my YouTube recommended is 'too creepy'. I like to watch videos about true crime, AI, short stories and games, I don't think it's that bad. I don't understand why it was such a big deal. Whatever. His actions today has triggered me a lot and now I'm sat here catastrophising because of it. Yeah therapy has taught me to recognise when I'm catastrophising or triggered but I can't find how to cope and have methods work for me.
I think about OD but I know the chances of success are slim and I don't have anything but valyrian root pills and >5 metazapine. If anything I may just vomit and pass out and I don't want that. I have a knife and think of stabbing myself but I don't think it's sharp enough, idk if I could deal with that pain. When I picked it up my cat came meowing at me and I couldn't do it. I am thinking of going to A&E or something just to get some fucking help. But they never help me. I've been trying for 5 years now and can't get help. Fuck all of this. Why am I being made to feel shit just so someone can use me for sex? I'm so done.
I really just want to pass away peacefully in my sleep. I don't even care anymore if my family sees I commit suicide. They've never been there for me, barely talk to me and are all selfish. The only person I'd feel bad leaving behind is my younger sister and my cats. Why can't there just be an easy way out?
I just want it to all end. I hated the career and got so depressed and stressed out I went nuclear and destroyed my chances of working in this industry. I have given up the hope that I'll ever be loved, my past is proof that will never happen for me. I am so done.
I have this stupid fucking situationship I've been in for a year and I really need to call it off. I'm going through the process of reporting my ex for DV and my situationship knows this and that my C-PTSD is highly triggered at the moment. Yet today he yelled at me and stormed off because my YouTube recommended is 'too creepy'. I like to watch videos about true crime, AI, short stories and games, I don't think it's that bad. I don't understand why it was such a big deal. Whatever. His actions today has triggered me a lot and now I'm sat here catastrophising because of it. Yeah therapy has taught me to recognise when I'm catastrophising or triggered but I can't find how to cope and have methods work for me.
I think about OD but I know the chances of success are slim and I don't have anything but valyrian root pills and >5 metazapine. If anything I may just vomit and pass out and I don't want that. I have a knife and think of stabbing myself but I don't think it's sharp enough, idk if I could deal with that pain. When I picked it up my cat came meowing at me and I couldn't do it. I am thinking of going to A&E or something just to get some fucking help. But they never help me. I've been trying for 5 years now and can't get help. Fuck all of this. Why am I being made to feel shit just so someone can use me for sex? I'm so done.
I really just want to pass away peacefully in my sleep. I don't even care anymore if my family sees I commit suicide. They've never been there for me, barely talk to me and are all selfish. The only person I'd feel bad leaving behind is my younger sister and my cats. Why can't there just be an easy way out?
