Venting I may have ruined my life.

[executioner1983]

Took the train and rode it as far I could because I just can't function right now. I can't even talk about it yet. I just want to be alone forever. Relationships are so overrated and I hate that I couldn't understand this before. I love myself, I love eveything about me, I am seriously so cool and i STILL felt this pressure to find someone else. I guess I felt that this would all be a waste, my appearance, my personality, if I didn't allow anyone else to experience them. I wanted to give myself to someone else while I was still in my prime. I now know that's stupid. I would much rather keep everything to myself if it means avoiding what I can't even write out. And what's even more stupid is I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic/assexual. I've dated all types of boys and found little to no emotional or sexual attraction to any of them. I just liked being desired and everything else that came with it, I liked giving guys what they wanted, I liked seeing how happy and proud of themselves it made them, and now because I was too stupid to listen to how I actually felt I may have actually ruined my life. I guess it serves me right.

 

[Linda]

Have you tried girls?

 

[executioner1983]

Have you tried girls?

Sorta, theres definitely a little bit more of a sexual attraction there (still not really sufficient) but way less of an emotional attraction. I honestly just want to be alone right now though, and because of my mistake I might not even have a choice.

 

[Onomatopoeia]

Sorta, theres definitely a little bit more of a sexual attraction there (still not really sufficient) but way less of an emotional attraction.

Love and sex are nothing without the emotional element. The cuddling, giggling, sweating and pillow talk afterwards is everything in a relationship. Once that's gone, or if it never existed, you never had a relationship to begin with.

 

[Linda]

" I may have actually ruined my life. " Can you explain?

 

[executioner1983]

Update, if anyone cares. I didn't ruin my life. But I also still do not want to explain what happened. Lots and lots to think about…