Venting I love seeing those i care about happy but it feels like I'm getting left behind.

[Gstreater]

Seeing my loved ones smile, be happy and laugh is something I enjoy. The problem is that the further I fall into depression and suicidal ideation the more I hide it to keep them happy. I want to protect those smiles even if it'll probably kill me. I have accepted what will happen to me, I accepted that no one really cares about me that's why I'm in this position, I accepted I'll die as soon as I'm able to since my circumstances are rough.

 

[SteamaHorns]

I can relate a lot. Just went through a horrendously stressful time because of how much everyone around me was struggling, but now it seems like things will be well for them for a while. It's such a surreal feeling really. It's kind of funny in a fucked up way how everyone around you can be doing so well when there's seemingly no hope for you, yet what's even funnier is how you can't even feel a lick of jealousy, envy, or hate for any of them, despite it.