i love life. i hate everything i’ve ever been.

[MicahBell]

i think, objectively, i love life.
i love eating food. i love drinking tea on a foggy morning, and i love wearing sweaters, i love watching people smile. i love culture, and learning a new language. i love that, as a human, i can choose to be gentle to smaller creatures that will never understand why. to hold my hand out to a spider and admire it. the small things about life.

i hate everything about my own life.
i hate my body. my stupid high voice. i hate how nobody has basic human respect for me. i hate how i cant connect with anybody. I hate how nobody will ever see me the way i see myself. i hate how i don't really have a cultural identity. i hate how i've never had a name that felt like "me". i hate that i dont even know who "me" is, or what i like. i wish i had a family, a real one, who actually cares if i'm okay and doesnt just want to hear me say it so they dont have to expend the energy to be concerned.

i think that i love life but i could never, ever love my own. i think its over for me tonight, and very little will change. its felt like its been over for a long, long time, and ive been just kicking the can down the road every time i failed to do it. its rainy today. i love the smell of rain and how the sky is never fully dark on an overcast night. i think i can die happy like that. i hope you guys find some kind of peace too <3

 

[R. A.]

i think its over for me tonight

this bit meaning what i think it does..?
this was a beautiful post, i am sorry =[

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I hate how life isn't as beautiful for you when looking at your own life. I'm really sorry you got dealt a shitty hand. If this is goodbye, I hope you leave in peace with a piece of life's beauty held in your thoughts as you go.

 

[Quiabo1]

Truly beautiful how you still can see the good things in life and if you ever felt like staying a little more, I guess these could be the things you cling on to enjoy life just a bit longer and find meaning or purpose. However if you feel like this is your time to go, pain is unbearable and crying on a pillow isn't enough to relieve yourself, sad to say goodbye but I hope you can find some peace of mind. Take care

 

[catstermaster]

This is so relatable to me, I want to live, but not in my current body, personality or location.

 

[MicahBell]

This is so relatable to me, I want to live, but not in my current body, personality or location.

if theres such thing as another life, i hope you have people who love you and things worth sticking around for

 

[catstermaster]

if theres such thing as another life, i hope you have people who love you and things worth sticking around for

Thank you my friend, I wish the same for you