I lost my reason to stay

[bunintherug]

January of this year I was ready to CTB. I had a plan, I had my letters, everything. But my partner at the time figured out what was going to happen when i tried to say goodbye to them. I posted about that on here. They spent 4 hours talking to me and convincing me to stay. I stayed. For them. I didn't want to make them go through all the pain of losing me. My funeral, cleaning out my stuff. Burying another partner. But they left me now. It's been 3 months and it's finally hit me that they're gone. They don't care anymore, and i'm not sure if they actually ever did. I don't know why i should stay now. Theoretically, yeah, things are kinda getting better, if I keep sticking with it. But i'm so goddam tired, and none of this feels worth it without them. I loved them so hard, i stayed here just for them. how am i supposed to move on from that?

 

[1043169]

Maybe the right one will come around if you wait. I hope things work out for the best for you.

 

[AgentAlaniKelso]

I'm sorry that you and your partner separated. I know that's an awful thing to go through and I can feel the hurt in your words. There is a purpose for every person who comes into and leaves from your life. You said "things are kinda getting better." I know it's hard and, my god, believe I hear you when you say your tired. But things are getting better. Maybe your partner leaving is what it took for you to get to "getting better." And I hope things for you continue to get better - I know they will if you keep putting in the work.

Keep posting, keep talking. You're not alone and we value YOU, we NEED you.

 

[dinosavr]

I'm really sorry they left you :(
But in my honest opinion, when you're able to see a spark of hope then it's worth a try. You can always change your mind later, but maybe you still have a chance for a happy life.