Story i lost my cats, and i’m still not allowed to cry

[wastingpotential]

i posted awhile back that i'm being kicked out of my apartment, today is my last day here. i've packed my final suitcase.
a few hours earlier, i went to give my cats away to a vet, who will then take them to an association for adoption. we couldn't keep them because the person i'm being forced to live with simply doesn't want them in the apartment, even if we're gonna be paying a percentage of the rent as well, i'll be a stranger in that house.

all day, night, week and whatnot, i've been told not to cry over them. but they were all i had left going well in my life despite them also being troublemakers and causing hassles. i'll never forget how terrified they were once i left them in the clinic and had to leave. it's engrained in my memory.

i've never had time or energy to grieve with everything else i've lost in my life so far (which has been, pretty much everything now.) but i thought i'd be let off this once, given a chance to let a tear or two slip out of me. instead i was bombarded with messages from my distant brother telling me to grow up and stop crying and behaving the way i am because it is hurting other members of my family. he continued to write until i finally got a connection on my phone and managed to block him.

i haven't done anything but mourn my cats. i've done and said nothing else but a couple of angry words thrown at not them, but the person i'm gonna be living with and their family. i haven't said anything malicious to my family themselves or threatened anything.

i've been told all my life to not cry and put up with anything life throws my way, i lost my whole childhood and adolescence doing so. i thought this could be the one time i'm allowed to be selfish and not even throw a tantrum but just let my emotions out. it's not happening.

i don't plan to live in this next place, or to live with any relative if i am truly hurting them like this. i am going to ask a friend if i can stay with them. if that doesn't go well then so be it at least i tried.

it's ironic how i remember one of my first posts/comments on here was me saying i had no plans to ctb, but it's all that's been on my mind since the end of february.

thank you for reading if you have. i just wish i could be typing this with my babies beside me like i used to.

 

[we'll laugh again]

Hey op, don't let anyone be invalidate your feelings like that. When my 3 kittens passed I keep bursting into tears in the middle of class. My cats are also the only ones that help me get by in life. Keep your chin up and strive for better opportunities like when you get your own place again, and when you find someone/something to give a damn about living for.

 

[rationaltake]

So sorry. It's heartbreaking losing your cats and of course you need time to grieve. I hope it works out with your friend.

 

[unsaiddes]

I'm so incredibly sorry, as a lifelong cat person with two babies of my own I can't imagine your pain. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn't have to hide them, that's beyond unfair. Thinking of you and rooting for your kitties to find homes with people who love them as much as you do.

 

[charlotte_]

I'm very sorry you're going through this. As a lifelong cat lover and a cat owner, that sounds like such a traumatizing experience. Please don't let anyone tell you what to do. It is totally normal to feel sad when you lose something or someone who you love, and whoever invalidates you for that makes absolutely no sense. You can feel sad, you can cry, you have the rights to. Anyway, I hope the best for you and wish that your babies will find a loving homes

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

i posted awhile back that i'm being kicked out of my apartment, today is my last day here. i've packed my final suitcase.
a few hours earlier, i went to give my cats away to a vet, who will then take them to an association for adoption. we couldn't keep them because the person i'm being forced to live with simply doesn't want them in the apartment, even if we're gonna be paying a percentage of the rent as well, i'll be a stranger in that house.

all day, night, week and whatnot, i've been told not to cry over them. but they were all i had left going well in my life despite them also being troublemakers and causing hassles. i'll never forget how terrified they were once i left them in the clinic and had to leave. it's engrained in my memory.

i've never had time or energy to grieve with everything else i've lost in my life so far (which has been, pretty much everything now.) but i thought i'd be let off this once, given a chance to let a tear or two slip out of me. instead i was bombarded with messages from my distant brother telling me to grow up and stop crying and behaving the way i am because it is hurting other members of my family. he continued to write until i finally got a connection on my phone and managed to block him.

i haven't done anything but mourn my cats. i've done and said nothing else but a couple of angry words thrown at not them, but the person i'm gonna be living with and their family. i haven't said anything malicious to my family themselves or threatened anything.

i've been told all my life to not cry and put up with anything life throws my way, i lost my whole childhood and adolescence doing so. i thought this could be the one time i'm allowed to be selfish and not even throw a tantrum but just let my emotions out. it's not happening.

i don't plan to live in this next place, or to live with any relative if i am truly hurting them like this. i am going to ask a friend if i can stay with them. if that doesn't go well then so be it at least i tried.

it's ironic how i remember one of my first posts/comments on here was me saying i had no plans to ctb, but it's all that's been on my mind since the end of february.

thank you for reading if you have. i just wish i could be typing this with my babies beside me like i used to.

Your brother is a despicable piece of shit. Period. Whos forcing you to not cry? Who are you moving in with that doesnt want the cats? Is it your brother?

Please try to move in with a friend instead.

 

[wastingpotential]

Hey op, don't let anyone be invalidate your feelings like that. When my 3 kittens passed I keep bursting into tears in the middle of class. My cats are also the only ones that help me get by in life. Keep your chin up and strive for better opportunities like when you get your own place again, and when you find someone/something to give a damn about living for.

So sorry. It's heartbreaking losing your cats and of course you need time to grieve. I hope it works out with your friend.

I'm so incredibly sorry, as a lifelong cat person with two babies of my own I can't imagine your pain. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn't have to hide them, that's beyond unfair. Thinking of you and rooting for your kitties to find homes with people who love them as much as you do.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. As a lifelong cat lover and a cat owner, that sounds like such a traumatizing experience. Please don't let anyone tell you what to do. It is totally normal to feel sad when you lose something or someone who you love, and whoever invalidates you for that makes absolutely no sense. You can feel sad, you can cry, you have the rights to. Anyway, I hope the best for you and wish that your babies will find a loving homes

thank you all for your kind words. i've never felt so hopeless in my entire life and my mind is running wild with the thought of how they're doing now. but it feels so relieving to be heard. thank you

Your brother is a despicable piece of shit. Period. Whos forcing you to not cry? Who are you moving in with that doesnt want the cats? Is it your brother?

Please try to move in with a friend instead.

it isn't, it's somebody i've known since i was a little girl alongside the person's family. i don't want to disclose anything personal or even how i know of them because i simply despise having to acknowledge them irl enough. when i get the chance to leave this place as well as the country, i hope to never remember them as they don't me.

i'm not close with my brother and haven't been for years, he doesn't know me and hasn't lived with me in awhile either. i'm appalled that he thinks of me in such a bad light, but what am i to do about it if i'm never listened to anyways?

regardless, thank you all again, i'll try to update on life as it goes on, and i wish you all a tranquil rest of your day

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so painful what you have to go through, life really is just so unnecessarily cruel and to me it's horrible how existing here can very easily just get much worse. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Valky]

I am so incredibly sorry. My heart is genuinly hurting for you and your kitties.

Sorry but fuck your brother, fuck your family. If it is one thing we have Control over it is ourselves and no one has the right to take that from you. Grieving is so incredibly important and whoever the fuck tells you that you are not allowed to and need to grow up is not worth your presence.