I know taking my SN is the right thing to do for me. All I need is one evening of not giving a fuck about anyone else.

[ChildrensITV]

Every single problem of mine could be solved with that packet and a hotel room. From the big-scale issues I have faced for over 2 decades, to the recent, less severe but still unovercomeable issues. They could all VANISH forever. The peace I've been seeking most of my life could be mine. No more looking out of a window, wondering what might have been, what shit I have been through, and what shit is on the horizon, every time I pass a window where there is some scenery or sky visible. The indecisiveness of whether to pick problem A or problem B, because there is no third option, and knowing both of them will lead me to problem C anyway. Wandering down streets feeling somewhere inbetween human and depressed enigma that wasn't supposed to live this long.

It's almost torture to know I could end it in weeks, but have to think of others ahead of me. I know it is the only way out for me. It is the only thing that can bring me the peace I need. I know that nobody or nothing can help me - not even me. I know that the only solution is to abort this life. It is the LOGICAL thing to do, even when I don't feel suicidal. Just from a standpoint of objectivity, it is time to call it quits. I wish I had one evening's worth of courage to say "sorry, family, but bottoms up" and gulp that shit.

It's the right thing to do. I shouldn't have to exist like this.

 

[Vizzy]

Every single problem of mine could be solved with that packet and a hotel room. From the big-scale issues I have faced for over 2 decades, to the recent, less severe but still unovercomeable issues. They could all VANISH forever. The peace I've been seeking most of my life could be mine. No more looking out of a window, wondering what might have been, what shit I have been through, and what shit is on the horizon, every time I pass a window where there is some scenery or sky visible. The indecisiveness of whether to pick problem A or problem B, because there is no third option, and knowing both of them will lead me to problem C anyway. Wandering down streets feeling somewhere inbetween human and depressed enigma that wasn't supposed to live this long.

It's almost torture to know I could end it in weeks, but have to think of others ahead of me. I know it is the only way out for me. It is the only thing that can bring me the peace I need. I know that nobody or nothing can help me - not even me. I know that the only solution is to abort this life. It is the LOGICAL thing to do, even when I don't feel suicidal. Just from a standpoint of objectivity, it is time to call it quits. I wish I had one evening's worth of courage to say "sorry, family, but bottoms up" and gulp that shit.

It's the right thing to do. I shouldn't have to exist like this.

Sorry you are going through this, hope you find peace

 

[Slasher]

very well written I can sadly relate with this and I'm sure many others could too. the idea of nothingness and death brings me such bliss. knowing that every problem I have or will have can be solved and I will never have to suffer again for another second. I personally don't really care about the people close to me and their reaction (idk why) so I couldn't give you any advise on that sadly. I wish you the best of luck <3.

 

[tiny_dancer]

It seems so simple doesn't it? Logically knowing it's just one action to solve all of the problems, suffering, that HORRIBLE feeling of what might have been, etc.. Wish I had some advice for you how to not worry about other people but I don't. For me, that part has actually just gotten easier with time and longer suffering. Being isolated from them helps too if you can. It should just be quick and easy, especially having a solid method, but unfortunately it's not. I hope you can make peace with it eventually.

 

[NoReasonToLive2023]

Given your profile image is 90s CITV, which I love btw, are you UK based? Where did you get SN?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly understandable wanting to be free from all future suffering, as of course it's true that in death there are no problems, simply just existing here makes the thought of being gone sound so incredibly appealing to me, I wish you the best.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Thanks @Vizzy

@Slasher It was just literally my letting my heart and fingers to the work without engaging my brain too much.

It seems so simple doesn't it? Logically knowing it's just one action to solve all of the problems, suffering, that HORRIBLE feeling of what might have been, etc.. Wish I had some advice for you how to not worry about other people but I don't. For me, that part has actually just gotten easier with time and longer suffering. Being isolated from them helps too if you can. It should just be quick and easy, especially having a solid method, but unfortunately it's not. I hope you can make peace with it eventually.

I have come closer to not caring about others but I am still hesitant not to do it just yet cuz of others. I mean, I do have my limits. I think if life is still as bad in a few more months, I am kinda forced to do it. I guess, the more I see the writing on the wall and the more things show no sign of abating, the more forced my hand will be. I don't want to HAVE to do it. I am not suicidal cuz I want to be. This is what the prolifers don't seem to understand.

If I had a life that were somewhat COMFORTABLE, although I know I can never truly be FIXED, I would be willing to wait til fate kills me instead. If my life were made magically COMFORTABLE, and I was able to have a career, a home (or even rent), a girlfriend and not wake up with suicide on my mind, I would STICK WITH LIFE. Not LOVE it, but STICK WITH IT.

Given your profile image is 90s CITV, which I love btw, are you UK based? Where did you get SN?

What's CITV? I am based in Cuba.


.....



Just kidding. I am from the UK. CITV was my favourite show when growing up. It symbolizes my childhood. When I stopped watching it cuz of going to secondary school and thus getting home later, a part of the old, real, original me died. Then when all my trauma started, I would daydream of when I was younger and friends and CITV were there for me. Not to say that my life was perfect when I was a child but it was acceptable. Now life is unbearable.

I got SN from the place that most people got it from here. I had police show up to try to confiscate it but I told them I lost it. There is no FUCKING WAY that someone is going to take away my only means of escape.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Sorry you are going through this, hope you find peace

Thanks. I will eventually. I just hope I don't have to wait to die naturally.