Venting I know-or i dont

[YandereMikuMistress]

A thing i wont ever speak aloud-

i'm finding my emotions are hard to keep intact,
I'm finding that I don't seem to have that spark,,
I'm realizing I won't feel genuinely good, from my decisions to my own pride morals and ideals holding me in place, I'm so stubborn,
that's okay with me,
my way is the right way,
I can't go against myself,
or what would i be,
not that I even know that either,,
I'm just,,
noticing no matter how hard I want to try
this heavy weight reminds me there is no point, from the Multitude of opposing futures I have in store none will lead to
"happiness"
"peace"
And the idea to feel "Content"
I know, I know, it'd be going against everyhing I built around "who I am"
I always say I don't know,
yet I still hold to these ideals contorted from myself, to be, more "real" or that what I think it is.

Can I still not know even when I have a built system in my mind,
Even if its my own mind, can't it still be unknown,, I can't make sense I just, I need an identity for myself I'm trying, I just need it for others, is this me right now, perhaps the closes thing to it,,
I don't need myself I just need whatever this is that I guess I am, not for me but for you.


Alright, I'm done.