kittyneedsabreak
Member
- Sep 10, 2023
- 11
I'm currently in a constant state of wanting to die but having major obligations I need to take care of and the risk of failing is expensive (USA moment so medical costs suck ass).
Ironically I almost definitely want to ctb by cutting. I know it's impractical as fuck, but I also don't have the means to pull off many other options anyways, being a student in dorms and thus making it more risky to get ahold of anything and keep it somewhere till I use it.
And much more importantly, it just seems so fucking cathartic. I've always hated being confined to a body as inefficient as that of a human, and that of mine with multiple health issues, shit vision, etc. Plus humans- hell many living beings, mostly mammals- never made sense to me, and I always wished I could be something more clean or at least practical like a robot or beetle, even a super simple one. Seeing myself torn from my own being by my own means would be amazing, and I love the sight and feeling of blood. I know I'm not special and SI is a bitch, but it helps to have a high pain tolerance and know that when it happens, it'll be a complete mental break and I probably won't be paying attention to if it hurts and rather feeling as though I've finally attained some form of catharsis and feeling actually alive for the first time through dying.
Ironically I almost definitely want to ctb by cutting. I know it's impractical as fuck, but I also don't have the means to pull off many other options anyways, being a student in dorms and thus making it more risky to get ahold of anything and keep it somewhere till I use it.
And much more importantly, it just seems so fucking cathartic. I've always hated being confined to a body as inefficient as that of a human, and that of mine with multiple health issues, shit vision, etc. Plus humans- hell many living beings, mostly mammals- never made sense to me, and I always wished I could be something more clean or at least practical like a robot or beetle, even a super simple one. Seeing myself torn from my own being by my own means would be amazing, and I love the sight and feeling of blood. I know I'm not special and SI is a bitch, but it helps to have a high pain tolerance and know that when it happens, it'll be a complete mental break and I probably won't be paying attention to if it hurts and rather feeling as though I've finally attained some form of catharsis and feeling actually alive for the first time through dying.
