I know I need to but have trouble going through with it

[nothingleft2livefor]

I've been majorly depressed for years, I've had lots of treatment for it too - even ect and I still can't get better. I know that I need to kill myself, my problem is getting the willpower to do it, I know it will hurt those I care about but it's better for me, and them in the long run instead of me just suffering on and their image of me becoming even more twisted as I accomplish nothing. A gun would be good since it's instant but I do not have access to one. Any methods you'd recommend or tips on getting the willpower to go through with it. I of course can't tell my therapist anything like this or it's another psychward stay which wouldn't help anyone.

 

[im already reading]

I've been majorly depressed for years, I've had lots of treatment for it too - even ect and I still can't get better. I know that I need to kill myself, my problem is getting the willpower to do it, I know it will hurt those I care about but it's better for me, and them in the long run instead of me just suffering on and their image of me becoming even more twisted as I accomplish nothing. A gun would be good since it's instant but I do not have access to one. Any methods you'd recommend or tips on getting the willpower to go through with it. I of course can't tell my therapist anything like this or it's another psychward stay which wouldn't help anyone.

you need to make your life better, you need to improve your social life, you need to think rationally
nobody needs to commit suicide, i hope you get better and realise what your saying
what "treatment" did you get for depression?

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

you need to make your life better, you need to improve your social life, you need to think rationally
nobody needs to commit suicide, i hope you get better and realise what your saying
what "treatment" did you get for depression?

I understand that, I feel fulfilled socially - I have a few groups of friends that Ive had for a few years/more. I "need to" commit suicide for the sake of others, the longer I live the more treatment I'm going to go through and the more I'm going to burden those close to me, I have no hope in getting better because I've been to multiple intensive outpatient treatment programs, a dozen psychwards, too many psych meds to remember, electro convulsive therapy, ketamine, and more. Like what even is there left.

 

[im already reading]

I understand that, I feel fulfilled socially - I have a few groups of friends that Ive had for a few years/more. I "need to" commit suicide for the sake of others, the longer I live the more treatment I'm going to go through and the more I'm going to burden those close to me, I have no hope in getting better because I've been to multiple intensive outpatient treatment programs, a dozen psychwards, too many psych meds to remember, electro convulsive therapy, ketamine, and more. Like what even is there left.

i know i sound like an asshole but what have YOU done?
meds, electro therapy, ketamine, other drugs? have you been going for walks?
do you have a pet?
are you a fit person? if not have you been actively doing things to become healthier?
getting a good sleep?
meditation?
do you have a partner? have you tried asking anyone out?
looking at the positives?
drawing?learning to play an instrument? writing?
going places?
taking a break from social media?(i dont mean dont use any devices at all i mean take a break from SS. discord snapchat facebook tumblr instagram tiktok for a month to forget about everything?)
connecting with family?
connecting with nature?(forest, mountain, dessert etc)
i know this is alot but have you done atleast 2 out of any of these things? because pills and drugs and shock therapy isn't gonna stop depression its just gonna drown it out and block it, for a while, and then when you build a resistance to it its gonna do basically nothing unless you increase the dosage which just makes things worse.

have you done something organic on your own to stop depression?

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

I understand that, I feel fulfilled socially - I have a few groups of friends that Ive had for a few years/more. I "need to" commit suicide for the sake of others, the longer I live the more treatment I'm going to go through and the more I'm going to burden those close to me, I have no hope in getting better because I've been to multiple intensive outpatient treatment programs, a dozen psychwards, too many psych meds to remember, electro convulsive therapy, ketamine, and more. Like what even is there left.

i know i sound like an asshole but what have YOU done?
meds, electro therapy, ketamine, other drugs? have you been going for walks?
do you have a pet?
are you a fit person? if not have you been actively doing things to become healthier?
getting a good sleep?
meditation?
do you have a partner? have you tried asking anyone out?
looking at the positives?
drawing?learning to play an instrument? writing?
going places?
taking a break from social media?(i dont mean dont use any devices at all i mean take a break from SS. discord snapchat facebook tumblr instagram tiktok for a month to forget about everything?)
connecting with family?
connecting with nature?(forest, mountain, dessert etc)
i know this is alot but have you done atleast 2 out of any of these things? because pills and drugs and shock therapy isn't gonna stop depression its just gonna drown it out and block it, for a while, and then when you build a resistance to it its gonna do basically nothing unless you increase the dosage which just makes things worse.

have you done something organic on your own to stop depression?

I have, I've done alot of these things(the only one I really haven't is having a partner(because I don't want one)) I've tried to improve myself, I've been as depressed as I am even when things are going well as far as life objectively, I still feel awful though, I've only been living to prevent the pain of others like my mother who I'm pretty close with and have gotten closer by even talking about my depression with her. I don't really use ss at all, I have a pretty regular sleep schedule, I have a dog that I take for walks, I write alot and draw occasionally. I do pushups and sit-ups daily, I try pursuing higher education, working a job, I just hate everything bc I still feel the same, I just see things as tiring.

 

[im already reading]

I have, I've done alot of these things(the only one I really haven't is having a partner(because I don't want one)) I've tried to improve myself, I've been as depressed as I am even when things are going well as far as life objectively, I still feel awful though, I've only been living to prevent the pain of others like my mother who I'm pretty close with and have gotten closer by even talking about my depression with her. I don't really use ss at all, I have a pretty regular sleep schedule, I have a dog that I take for walks, I write alot and draw occasionally. I do pushups and sit-ups daily, I try pursuing higher education, working a job, I just hate everything bc I still feel the same, I just see things as tiring.

ok then
just why are you depressed?

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

ok then
just why are you depressed?

I can't get over trauma, I hate myself and hate parts that I objectively cannot change, I live with my abusive stepfather who just shits on me every other sentence and I believe him, I just feel like shit even when I do or accomplish things that should make me feel better, I really don't know beyond those few things - it feels like my brain is fucking broken

 

[saddestbunny]

ok then
just why are you depressed?

how old are u - this is more rhetorical because I feel like most on this site have tried basic things like you're suggesting. I'd take it in an insulting way if someone assumed I hadn't tried something like "getting a pet" or that would help me

 

[im already reading]

I can't get over trauma, I hate myself and hate parts that I objectively cannot change, I live with my abusive stepfather who just shits on me every other sentence and I believe him, I just feel like shit even when I do or accomplish things that should make me feel better, I really don't know beyond those few things - it feels like my brain is fucking broken

must be from all those drugs and electro therapy
do you think you are gonna get better when you MOVE OUT of your abusive stepfathers home?
you hate yourself and the parts of you that you can't objectively change, well theres no point thinking about it if you can't change it so i guess your gonna have to learn to ignore the things you cant change.
and it seems like your abusive stepfather might play a major role in you staying depressed


you have alot left to live for, especially your friends, you not having the willpower to do it because it will hurt them is good, a very good thing to have


i mean you don't honestly think that killing yourself will make everything better for everyone? well you probably do but if you do then they might kill themselves as well which makes nothing better.
a lot of people commit suicide because of the lossof a close friend/loved one

how old are u - this is more rhetorical because I feel like most on this site have tried basic things like you're suggesting. I'd take it in an insulting way if someone assumed I hadn't tried something like "getting a pet" or that would help me

nope its not rhetorical why would it be? i dont know them so i dont know.
you *feel* like most on this site have tried the basic things im suggesting? well i *feel* like most of them haven't
if you would get insulted because someone assumed you haven't tried getting a pet then thats a you problem
sometimes you have to assume when you have no idea
i dont know what your trying to get at

 

[Ambivalent1]

must be from all those drugs and electro therapy
do you think you are gonna get better when you MOVE OUT of your abusive stepfathers home?
you hate yourself and the parts of you that you can't objectively change, well theres no point thinking about it if you can't change it so i guess your gonna have to learn to ignore the things you cant change.
and it seems like your abusive stepfather might play a major role in you staying depressed


you have alot left to live for, especially your friends, you not having the willpower to do it because it will hurt them is good, a very good thing to have


i mean you don't honestly think that killing yourself will make everything better for everyone? well you probably do but if you do then they might kill themselves as well which makes nothing better.
a lot of people commit suicide because of the lossof a close friend/loved one

Pro-lifer?

 

[im already reading]

Pro-lifer?

you have to make an effort before you make the ultimate decision

 

[saddestbunny]

nope its not rhetorical why would it be? i dont know them so i dont know.
you *feel* like most on this site have tried the basic things im suggesting? well i *feel* like most of them haven't
if you would get insulted because someone assumed you haven't tried getting a pet then thats a you problem
sometimes you have to assume when you have no idea
i dont know what your trying to get at

gonna have to assume young or illiterate then I guess. if you didn't realize what I was trying to get at I'm informing you that you're coming across as just spouting basic stuff without listening to what they were saying and realizing you're on a suicide forum where just maybe people have heard what you're saying a few times. so if you wanted to adjust your behavior here's that information

 

[im already reading]

gonna have to assume young or illiterate then I guess. if you didn't realize what I was trying to get at I'm informing you that you're coming across as just spouting basic stuff without listening to what they were saying and realizing you're on a suicide forum where just maybe people have heard what you're saying a few times. so if you wanted to adjust your behavior here's that information

nope not young or illiterate you just didn't hint to this.
if you want to say im only saying the basic things then just say it
but your right, this is a suicide forum, i'm sure everyone on here has probably heard what i said a few times since this is just the basics
whats the advanced?
please tell me
i am actually curious now
what is the advanced?
i feel like the basics is the only one you can say because the advanced would require alot more commitment and possibly money
please what is the advanced

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

you have to make an effort before you make the ultimate decision

Just speaking for myself. I don't care what any other human does wether they want to live or die it's their life. But for me and my "life" : why do i have to make an effort, to what live for a while since i will die anyway no matter what.? What if I want to ctb? what's holding me back is fear of failure, for example someone interfering sending me to the ER hospital etc.

 

[im already reading]

Just speaking for myself. I don't care what any other human does wether they want to live or die it's their life. But for me and my "life" why do i have to make an effort to what live for a while since i will die anyway no matter what.? What if I want to ctb?

download team fortress 2

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

you have to make an effort before you make the ultimate decision

I do agree with this. That's why in my case, even though my heart breaks for having to end my life and leave all behind, my mind is at peace knowing I did everything in my power to stay here and live. I couldn't make it in the end; I needed help, pleaded for it but didn't get it.
It seems that the OP also made "an effort", putting it in your words. I want to think you have the best intentions, but after having read some of your posts, I must say you do come off a bit sharp and condescending in a bad way, no offence...
OP, I'm sorry for your situation, I hope you get relief soon, whatever that may mean for you. Much love

 

[im already reading]

I do agree with this. That's why in my case, even though my heart breaks for having to end my life and leave all behind, my mind is at peace knowing I did everything in my power to stay here and live. I couldn't make it in the end; I needed help, pleaded for it but didn't get it.
It seems that the OP also did "an effort", putting it in your words. I want to think you have the best intentions, but after having read some of your posts, I must say you do come off a bit sharp and condescending in a bad way, no offence...
OP, I'm sorry for your situation, I hope you get relief soon, whatever that may mean for you. Much love

i will try to stop being sharp and condescending, thank you for saying no offence because for a second i thought you were trying to offend me or make me seem like a bad person
i hope you have a good day :)

 

[aticeret]

You know what, I actually do appreciate people trying to reach out and suggest at least something before the person decides to do something irreversible. Gives me some hope for humanity.

OP, I feel you. I've also been to a countless amount of doctors of all kinds, nothing has helped. At this point I'm just done and don't want to do anything.

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

i will try to stop being sharp and condescending, thank you for saying no offence because for a second i thought you were trying to offend me or make me seem like a bad person
i hope you have a good day :)

I don't want you nor anyone to censor what you/they think, I believe in freedom of speech so you can totally speak freely and display your views on things. I don't want you to say things you don't believe only for the sake of being liked or viceversa. You're entitled to your own opinions as everyone else. But it's the way we articulate those ideas and how we put them into words that can create several different interpretations, or even hurt feelings... That's why I always try to be very cautious with my choice of words, because I want to sound as truthful to how I really feel about something as possible, and also empathize with people.
I said no offence cause of course I wasn't trying to offend you. Have a nice day you too :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so inhumane how suicide is purposely made as difficult as possible in this world, it should be easier for people to escape from all the suffering.

But I guess those who succeeded were fortunate enough to access a method that they felt confident in and they just got so determined to leave.
I admire the courage of those who free themselves from this dreadful reality despite the fact that it's so unnecessarily difficult.
But anyway it must be really tiring suffering like that and I get that it's so awful feeling trapped here, I hope that you eventually find what you search for.