Oct 20, 2020
I'm so touch starved. I can't stand it anymore. Every second my mind is screaming at me to hug and be hugged. Nothing works to fill that void. It makes me cry because it hurts. It's been about 10 years.

I keep trying, but get nowhere. How can have the will to go on anymore, when the pain destroys me and ruins my life. Things could have been so much better, but i am made not to feel human every day. Like food and drink i am needing love but it's empty. I see it around me. I see it and it hurts like a hungry dog starving as people feast around him.

I will die soon. Enough is enough. Am i a man? Am i a woman? Am i neither? I do not feel at peace with who and what i am. Do i like boys, do i like girls? I don't know anymore. I am lost. No. I can't take it anymore. I try this, i try that. But nothing lasts. Always the nothingness comes back to torment me. They give me pills and tell me to exercise but it doesn't fix the whole in my heart. Its a bandaide on a knife wound.

Last night i dreamt of love and acceptance and as i woke i cried with joy and peace, but i was reminded quickly that it was just a dream. Back to the terminal suffering. I hope i die tonight as i sleep.


Jul 23, 2020
**hugs** It sounds like you just need a friend.