I keep picturing my dead body

[dust-in-the-wind]

I imagine different methods and how my body will look. It's really disturbing to picture myself dead even though I want to be dead. I also care because I don't want to overly traumatize who finds me.
Does anyone else think like this?

 

[VoidBlessed]

I also worry about traumatising someone who finds me, but our society views death in such an irrational way that they've left no other options for us other than to die in rather grisly ways. It's really sad and ultimately fair to no one, not us and not the people around us.

I'm not personally bothered by the idea of my own dead body because I see it as a shell that I'll shed eventually anyway, like an outfit. I don't think about how my shirt or pants look once I've tossed them in the laundry basket.

 

[MrSuicide]

Consider your methods. CTB by shotgun? Or jumping off/in front of something? Pretty violent scene. Rope, nitrogen? Not so much. But the fact is, a normal person finding your body will always be disturbed by the scene. Maybe your best bet is ensuring that a cop or paramedic finds you first.

On me: I do imagine what will happen and how I will look after I CTB. Difference is I actually think it's sort of awesome. One of the worst parts of my body, my face, will be gone as well as myself (the brain). Me and my body have been battling for a long time and I can't wait to get my final victory against it. We really aren't the same being and I don't want to wait to see my body change in more horrifying ways. No other options.

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm kinda terrified of imagining myself turning blue/chocolate brown from the SN and realizing I'm actually dying, alongside with all the other symptoms... scared it might trigger SI but it will be too late and I'll die being terrified. Wish I could go in total peace

 

[Surai]

I often imagine myself in a partial hanging and them finding me and my pale body. helps to prepare for a future I wont see, Its just matter of time

 

[attheend13]

I imagine different methods and how my body will look. It's really disturbing to picture myself dead even though I want to be dead. I also care because I don't want to overly traumatize who finds me.
Does anyone else think like this?

Yeah I think about it. It's hard to picture to be honest, and for some reason it is difficult to do in any detail.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm kinda terrified of imagining myself turning blue/chocolate brown from the SN and realizing I'm actually dying, alongside with all the other symptoms... scared it might trigger SI but it will be too late and I'll die being terrified. Wish I could go in total peace

I agree with you on the SN. That method does particularly frighten me for the reasons you stated.

 

[unknown_xav]

I kinda feel the same, I don't want to traumatise people involved or those that find me especially loved ones. But I think given sn is a bit less "messy" than other methods such as shooting I think its much more settling for me. But still I worry especially given how sn makes the body look, and also if there might be some mess from puking or anything the body removes post-death. But at the end of the day I guess even if it's sudden death there is always something unsettling given we don't always experience it like how it's normal for mortitian or forensic pathologist for example.

 

[enough of this]

I imagine different methods and how my body will look. It's really disturbing to picture myself dead even though I want to be dead. I also care because I don't want to overly traumatize who finds me.
Does anyone else think like this?

I haven't thought of it in that way.

In so many near-death experience accounts, I hear people talk about being more conscious than ever, looking at their body from a different vantage point, and feeling very neutral about it. One NDEer, Dianne Sherman, said, "It's as if someone said, "Pass the salt."" There's no concern about the body, whatsoever - total detachment. Don't let your picturing your body, disturb you. Or, better yet, don't picture your body.

And, I can understand your. maybe, wanting to look as you wish to be remembered, and the way you look bringing about as little trauma as possible in those who find your body. You have some control over that - choosing a method causing the least amount of visible, physical damage.

I don't know if you have an interest in NDEs, but if you do, here's one in which she addresses how she feels about her body and the circumstances around her after she had left her body for a while.

 

[Pryras]

I won't be using a violent method like a gun so my body will be recognizable but blue after taking the SN.

I will look uncanny for sure since I have lip blush on my face…so my ethnic skin will be bluish purple and my lips will be bright pink probably since they won't lose color.

 

[Valhala]

I'm kinda terrified of imagining myself turning blue/chocolate brown from the SN and realizing I'm actually dying, alongside with all the other symptoms... scared it might trigger SI but it will be too late and I'll die being terrified. Wish I could go in total peace

Don't worry, increased cyanosis occurs when you are already unconscious from SN.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Unfortunately I will die by suicide, otherwise plastination would be my choice.

 

[tiredash]

I also worry about traumatising someone who finds me, but our society views death in such an irrational way that they've left no other options for us other than to die in rather grisly ways. It's really sad and ultimately fair to no one, not us and not the people around us.

I'm not personally bothered by the idea of my own dead body because I see it as a shell that I'll shed eventually anyway, like an outfit. I don't think about how my shirt or pants look once I've tossed them in the laundry basket.

I was thinking in doing it in a hospital, but the mfs might end up saving me or worse, half saving me and being kept alive but with serious injuries and disabled. Maybe even try to get into the morgue, find an empty room and drink the cyanide... Altho it might be harder with inhaling nitrogen since it needs time

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Every human will end up dead being eaten by worms

 

[failedmind]

I think of this all the time. Like, from morning to night. I go through every method and how my body would look during & after. Also how people would react if they found me. I know the feeling.

 

[pthind94]

I think about this too. I plan on wearing a good amount of makeup to cover all parts of myself that are visible and discoloured using SN method.

 

[Cavalcade]

I've often been concerned about this as well. Part of it is feeling immense guilt over the possible damage it might cause other innocent people in the aftermath- crime scene cleaners, random civilians, emergency service personnel. I think it's perhaps why I've been particularly drawn to less grisly or public methods, in prior attempts.

I once did the math on how long it might take before my body would be found in a public restroom on campus, having crammed myself into the final stall furthest from the door, on an ill used floor in a quiet building- in hopes that it would be too late to be revived once found, and that the low foot traffic would mean no one would have the unfortunate random encounter of my corpse flopped on the ground.

I'd thought about how to washi tape up a note to secure it on the stall's outside, to warn someone who did stumble across the scene to not open the door, and call for cleanup: but ultimately decided that the watchman on that particular patrol was far too likely to find me: and he was a kind man. I didn't want to give him any lingering nightmares or to torment himself over what he could have possibly done- had he walked his route a little faster, if he had asked how I was doing and really listened the last we spoke- that sort of thing. I'd hate to hurt someone else in alleviating my own pain.

The other reason is I am disquieted at the indignity of bodies in death- incontinence and the slightly absurd possibility of rigor mortis trapping me in a ridiculous, or stupid final pose particularly bother me. Not much one can do about that, though.

 

[hereornot]

I have no more loved ones to think about, but any stranger deserves to be spared the trauma of meeting.

I gave up jumping, living 16 floors above, out of respect for the neighbors at the time. Imagine the mess in the backyard... Regarding the indignity mentioned above, I agree.

Hanging initially fell to a backup method for this reason. There is a protocol for examining hanged men here, and that includes touching the deceased's genitals. I don't know why, after all he died.

I prefer SN, and it will be strange too. I think about leaving alerts so that paramedics or professionals who are used to it are the first to see, in any case, human beings are very curious and there is always someone trying to see what they don't need to see.

Jumping off a building or in front of something was what I preferred to cross out of the options out of respect for others. For the rest there is not much to be done. Try to preserve only people from the unwanted scene.