Venting I just wish someone would've stayed with me

[gardenoflonely]

I don't even understand myself so I wasn't really expecting anyone else to, but even in not knowing exactly how I operate I wonder why it has been so hard to be compassionate towards me. Just sitting with me in silence maybe would've even been enough but it's like, I have been very open/verbal to family about having suicidal thoughts (and even open about my attempts when they failed) I feel like I'm drowning in this feeling and the worse part is not that nobody knows is that nobody cares

 

[interna]

I understand the feeling

 

[amy joyce]

I don't even understand myself so I wasn't really expecting anyone else to, but even in not knowing exactly how I operate I wonder why it has been so hard to be compassionate towards me. Just sitting with me in silence maybe would've even been enough but it's like, I have been very open/verbal to family about having suicidal thoughts (and even open about my attempts when they failed) I feel like I'm drowning in this feeling and the worse part is not that nobody knows is that nobody cares

It's hard to understand our own feeling sometimes let alone those of others, and how to act in that regard. Letting your needs be known to your loved ones isn't that difficult. It may be scary but you have parents, telling them that at such and such time you'd like to just be with them is something they should understand. If not they should be intuitive enough to ask. I always said to mys sons that parenting didn't come with a guide book. And what I experienced as a child and young person wasn't especially what I wanted for my children. Some but not all. The point is that communication is key so at least they wouldn't be obsessed with "I wish I had known" or "how did I miss the signs".

Give it some more chances eh? If your lonely, telling that to a kind family member shouldn't be a problem.

 

[gardenoflonely]

It's hard to understand our own feeling sometimes let alone those of others, and how to act in that regard. Letting your needs be known to your loved ones isn't that difficult. It may be scary but you have parents, telling them that at such and such time you'd like to just be with them is something they should understand. If not they should be intuitive enough to ask. I always said to mys sons that parenting didn't come with a guide book. And what I experienced as a child and young person wasn't especially what I wanted for my children. Some but not all. The point is that communication is key so at least they wouldn't be obsessed with "I wish I had known" or "how did I miss the signs".

Give it some more chances eh? If your lonely, telling that to a kind family member shouldn't be a problem.

Hey so, I am not giving any family any more chances. I know people that have ctb who's lives have been forever changed but never knew their child was feeling suicidal and ask themselves all the time why their child never said anything, even just that they were going through something. I have told anyone and everyone possible in my life that I have been struggling since I was a child. There's only so many times I can scream for help before it's clear nobody cares professionally or personally (at least in my situation). Not in a way that changes anything anyway. Being honest about my feelings has never been scary to me but dealing with them alone has been. Something I've also mentioned to others. I know there are parents whose children haven't been even a fraction of the level of how honest I've been. I keep hoping just talking is supposed to change something but it doesn't. I'm glad that you can be a kind family member to someone but I do not have that and me not communicating is not the issue or reasoning behind that here.

 

[amy joyce]

Well, that has to be about the worst feeling! I'm sorry for misunderstanding you at first. Whether they intend to or not, giving off the vibe that they don't care about you is quite concerning. I'm sure you're experiencing a mountain of feelings that are hard to convey and I'm at a loss at what to say to bring you comfort.

My own family was similar growing up and early adulthood. For reasons too long and unnecessary to get into, it was hard for any of the children or young adults to get the attention we needed...... I do know that it would have destroyed my parents if any of us (four) would have taken our lives while they were alive though. Everyone is in their own space in that regard but I tell you this as a mother who went though it.