i just want to die tbh .

[FadingDawn]

I'm basically living, or rather enduring life, on the tacit presumption, or deferred promise to myself, that I'll kill myself -- either tomorrow, or when I have a chance. I'm frittering away the days on borrowed times. Only reason I can pretend to be looking for a job, or trying to do(), etc... but I can't sustain myself in this forever; and each day I find i haven't, and probably won't kill myself... im a pussy and a retard.

 

[iloverachel]

I am sorry you are in so much pain my friend

 

[anhedonya]

I'm sorry for the things you've gone through that brought you to this point. I don't think you're a coward or dumb at all. You're capable of empathy, compassion, and self-reflection, which is truly way more than many of the human population can say about themselves. For what its worth, I think of you as intelligent.

And CTB'ing is hard- we're hard wired to do anything and everything we possibly can to survive. Our brains literally take over sometimes during traumatic events to block it from us and ensure we get through the worst part without having to fully face it, for example. The human body and brain is so unique in its singular will for survival and pain mitigation. I think a good way to describe it is that you're up against six million years of evolution, it's more than natural to be scared and put it off. It does not reflect badly on you in anyway if you can't do it or end up backing out of an attempt.

 

[FadingDawn]

I'm sorry for the things you've gone through that brought you to this point. I don't think you're a coward or dumb at all. You're capable of empathy, compassion, and self-reflection, which is truly way more than many of the human population can say about themselves. For what its worth, I think of you as intelligent.

And CTB'ing is hard- we're hard wired to do anything and everything we possibly can to survive. Our brains literally take over sometimes during traumatic events to block it from us and ensure we get through the worst part without having to fully face it, for example. The human body and brain is so unique in its singular will for survival and pain mitigation. I think a good way to describe it is that you're up against six million years of evolution, it's more than natural to be scared and put it off. It does not reflect badly on you in anyway if you can't do it or end up backing out of an attempt.

Thank you! I really appreciate your empathy; but tbh you don't know me. I'm a terrible person and dumb as hell

 

[anhedonya]

True, I do not know you on any personal level. But you have shown me and many others kindness. I can't vouch for everything you've ever said or done outside of this website, but in the time I've been here, I've been glad to see you around the forum :)