Venting I just want to be loved

[DeadD]

For me. Not the idea of me. Not what people want out of me. Me. Just me. I want to be held and kissed and feel safe. I want real romantic love but all I get is used. Even my last girlfriend, who was madly in love with me, wanted a version of me the didn't exists and insisted that I just wasn't trying. She was my best friend and now she hates me. The person I most recently fell for just rejected me but asked to keep being intimate because "as a man I don't get any physical contact for months and this is nice"

so essentially, keep using me till he finds someone he actually wants to be with. Which I am so desperate and lonely that I'll let him do it. Because what else am I going to do. Say no? Have self respect? If I had that I probably wouldn't be in this boat.
I deserve this in some fashion probably. Because I'm me and I should be someone else if I wanted to be loved the way I need to be loved.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I'm so sorry you went through that. Nobody deserves that. You are deserving of love. Honestly those people sound like cunts and you're better off without them and with someone genuinely kind and respectful and loving who does not exploit you.

 

[DeadD]

I'm so sorry you went through that. Nobody deserves that. You are deserving of love. Honestly those people sound like cunts and you're better off without them and with someone genuinely kind and respectful and loving who does not exploit you.

I am sure this is true but it is not something I receive. I get plenty of superficial plutonic love but I am not deserving of being loved beyond my use according to the universe

 

[Beachedwhale]

I am sure this is true but it is not something I receive. I get plenty of superficial plutonic love but I am not deserving of being loved beyond my use according to the universe

You are as deserving as you believe yourself to be. Honestly as cliche as it sounds I've realised that "you must love yourself before others can love you" has some truth to it. If you hate yourself then good people are repelled because they don't want to be around hatred and bad people are attracted because they want to exploit your weakness. Even family does this. Also it's hard to take care of yourself if you hate yourself which further repels people. It begins with self care. I've realised this after too many years of fuckups and shitty people. I realised that all I needed to do was to lift weights and build muscle and also use psychedelics for healing which I believe would've kick-started my self confidence. It's hard but the cycle of self hatred and bad experiences needs to be broken. Can you think of ways you can improve your self confidence by yourself?

 

[DeadD]

You are as deserving as you believe yourself to be. Honestly as cliche as it sounds I've realised that "you must love yourself before others can love you" has some truth to it. If you hate yourself then good people are repelled because they don't want to be around hatred and bad people are attracted because they want to exploit your weakness. Even family does this. Also it's hard to take care of yourself if you hate yourself which further repels people. It begins with self care. I've realised this after too many years of fuckups and shitty people. I realised that all I needed to do was to lift weights and build muscle and also use psychedelics for healing which I believe would've kick-started my self confidence. It's hard but the cycle of self hatred and bad experiences needs to be broken. Can you think of ways you can improve your self confidence by yourself?

my confidence is not the problem. The problem is the people around me using me. I am kind, extroverted, giving, and the like. Which yeah, easily said over the internet but it's really true. People consider me cool/pretty/smart/funny/charismatic, but I'm treated like an entertainment clown. Interacting with people has worn me down to where I am now. I used to work out five days a week, two hours a day, eat healthy, had friends, and I was still in so much pain. If an attitude change was enough to fix this than it wouldn't be so consistently increasing in how horrible my life is turning out to be. Over my 29 years of life, I have tried so many things with the same results. Im tired of it.

if my tone sounds frustrated with you, it's not. It's me being frustrated that I'm still alive