I loved him when he hated himself. I stayed when he was drowning in guilt and shame. I saw the softness he tried to bury. And in the end, all of that lost to fear. Lost to internalized homophobia. Lost to the need to be "normal."Now he looks peaceful. Accepted. Safe.And I feel like the sin he had to repent from. It hurts in a way I don't know how to survive. It makes me question my worth, my place in the world. Why was she chosen and not me? Why wasn't love enough? Why did I have to be the secret while she gets the future? Some days the pain feels so heavy that I don't want to be here anymore. It feels like he won a life that makes sense, and I'm left with silence and shame and this unbearable grief. I can't compete with religion. I can't compete with fear. I can't compete with a lifetime of being told that who you are is wrong. I just wish loving me had been stronger than all of that.
I hope that one day i find someone here who can comfort me while drinking my sn and cyanide combo, i am so emotionally damaged! I wish i could not exist anymore'
I hope that one day i find someone here who can comfort me while drinking my sn and cyanide combo, i am so emotionally damaged! I wish i could not exist anymore'
