I'm so tired of being a fucking incel.
My parents died when I was very young but before he died my dad used to abuse me by hitting me and throwing me into furniture. I had no friends in Elementary school and was brutally bullied in Middle School including people burning my leg and giving me a third degree burn and scar (which I still have). I couldn't walk around without crutches for a week because of what they did to me.
I did very well in school but ended up getting a C in 7th Grade Geometry. I never got anything below an A again after that but because I got a C in Geometry they moved me down in the placement and so I wasn't able to get into the gifted program in high school. Because of that I didn't get a full scholarship to my school of choice and so I never got a degree. I ended up getting a bunch of IT certs and now I work an IT monkey job that has sapped all the life force out of my soul.
I hate my coworkers, my boss, the customers and everyone involved.
My personal life is far worse. I have no friends, I've never had sex and I've never kissed a girl. I don't interact with anyone outside of work and I spend all my time driving around on highways, over bridges, in the backwoodsy wilderness type areas, or through places I used to enjoy when I was younger. Sometimes I explore abandoned tunnels at night or just walk around. It's so fucking boring and cripplingly lonely. I can't stand it.
I can't handle being around people for too long and they can't handle being around me at all. It's so embarrassing to be around others and to know that subconsciously they recognize you as an insane, pathetic little hermit who walks around aimlessly. I can see virtually no point in doing anything at all from video games, to porn, to drugs, or to any other high-minded ideals. I'm left totally lost and completely isolated from the entire world.
If this continues without me ending it, I'm going to become criminally insane from loneliness and depression and then I don't know what I'll do but I know the suffering will be intense beyond measure.
I just want to die so fucking badly.
My parents died when I was very young but before he died my dad used to abuse me by hitting me and throwing me into furniture. I had no friends in Elementary school and was brutally bullied in Middle School including people burning my leg and giving me a third degree burn and scar (which I still have). I couldn't walk around without crutches for a week because of what they did to me.
I did very well in school but ended up getting a C in 7th Grade Geometry. I never got anything below an A again after that but because I got a C in Geometry they moved me down in the placement and so I wasn't able to get into the gifted program in high school. Because of that I didn't get a full scholarship to my school of choice and so I never got a degree. I ended up getting a bunch of IT certs and now I work an IT monkey job that has sapped all the life force out of my soul.
I hate my coworkers, my boss, the customers and everyone involved.
My personal life is far worse. I have no friends, I've never had sex and I've never kissed a girl. I don't interact with anyone outside of work and I spend all my time driving around on highways, over bridges, in the backwoodsy wilderness type areas, or through places I used to enjoy when I was younger. Sometimes I explore abandoned tunnels at night or just walk around. It's so fucking boring and cripplingly lonely. I can't stand it.
I can't handle being around people for too long and they can't handle being around me at all. It's so embarrassing to be around others and to know that subconsciously they recognize you as an insane, pathetic little hermit who walks around aimlessly. I can see virtually no point in doing anything at all from video games, to porn, to drugs, or to any other high-minded ideals. I'm left totally lost and completely isolated from the entire world.
If this continues without me ending it, I'm going to become criminally insane from loneliness and depression and then I don't know what I'll do but I know the suffering will be intense beyond measure.
I just want to die so fucking badly.
