Story I just played (modified) Russian roulette.

[Thatdude]

If you're worried about odds then just use a random number generator. Pick a random number within a range. Like say you want to do a 1 in 100 chance then you pick 33. Role the RNG. If it hits your number then do whatever. You make it harder by mixing the 2. So the RNG picks 33 then you still can play the game you were which lowers your chances a bit since it's highly unlikely you would get the RNG to pick the right number and you get the bullet.

 

[FohPah]

So it's been a month and a half. It actually feels like longer.

Since I played this game, I've reconnected with some old friends I thought I'd never talk to again, and I've started working after being unemployed for far too long. While I won't say this is because of my experiments, it sure happened soon afterward. And while I won't say I'm better, I have a lot of new hope. I'm doing things that will improve my life in the future, even if the progress is slow and I'm still depressed.

I'm actually optimistic now. For the first time in years. Like, I'm actually planning what I want to be doing five years from now, and it's exciting. My new job pays well enough to save up for something nice, and it gives me a lot of opportunities for advancement. And I have some thoughtful and caring friends who can help me get through this. So the future looks good.

I still have occasional suicidal thoughts. Previously, I thought my suicide was basically inevitable; it was just a question of when. But now, it just comes up when I'm feeling especially discouraged about something, and it's always just a last option that's reassuring to know I still have. And then the feeling dissipates.

I'm glad I "lost" the game.

 

[FohPah]

Welp. Here I am, drunk again, isolating myself from my friends, performing like shit at my job, digging myself deeper into the most toxic of my relationships. Now with the possibility of getting sued by a stranger and going to jail for a year. We'll see what that asshole's lawyer says.

Anyway, tonight i "played" five times: 3 times with 1/36, twice with 1/6 (standard unmodified Russian roulette). Bringing my cumulative chance of death up to 56.3%. i.e. I'm living in the 43.7% world. I'm a dead man.

I'm realizing now that my current condition -- being this depressed and desperate on top of having a gun in my room -- is itself a deadly condition. Like an addict with a lifetime supply of narcotics at their disposal. Which I kind of am, but with alcohol. Maybe I'll die to pancreatitis before the bullet

EDIT: And another 1/6 (standard) game. Cumulative chance of death: 63.6%.

 

[theguineapigking]

May I ask that you PLEASE STOP? Please?

I think it was July when you originally did the Russian roulette "game". I was on a walk and I saw your post back then, and I was so scared that you were rushing into it, which I believe you agreed on.

Please wait until you're sober again. Don't rush into this dude. Your cumulative probability has gone way too high. I'm not trying to preach life or tell you to live…but I don't want you to do this to yourself. It seems like you first got drunk and decided to do this impulsively, rather than deciding to get drunk in order to overcome si.

I'm here if you need to chat.

Please don't take my post as an insult. I genuinely care and am not trying to belittle or downplay what you're going through.


Are you still here(alive)???

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

Yeah, seems like op is no longer with us :/ hope they were able to find peace...

 

[Greenberg]

Yeah, seems like op is no longer with us :/ hope they were able to find peace...

Yes, his luck may have finally ran out. Best, G