N
NumbCat
Member
- Feb 27, 2022
- 15
Every day I just feel like it's getting closer. The pain is becoming unbearable. I don't like myself. My mom died years ago when I was a teen and my dad died when I was 12. I have a brother and a sister but my brother has a family he stays occupied with. We don't really live in the same world. My sister is crazier than I am. And I can't really talk to her because she never talks to me or anyone. I have a job I honestly hate. I am doing decent financially, but I can't stand going to work every day. It's slowly breaking me. I want to die. I just don't know how. I have a friend who is coming to roommate with me to save money in January and she's really the only person that is counting on me for anything but I don't like that responsibility either. The more friendships I have the worst I feel. I don't want to connect with anyone anymore. I want everyone to let go and I want to die. When I think about it I do get sad with all sorts of regret, but it seems like I've been let down by any sense of hope I've ever had. I'm 35. I have two cats and they have kept me alive more times than I can count because I couldn't stomach the thought of them possibly being put out on the streets. I hate being human. I hate being alive. I hate my job. I hate myself. I hate this world. Everything is so fake. I have thought about making it look like an accident, like jumping out of a plane and not pulling the parashoot but then someone would just be held liable most likely. I have thought about pills but I'm scared I won't take enough and be left brain dead. I've thought about a gun but I can't stomach it. I feel lost and trapped. Nobody truly gives a shit, and I just want to die. How do I do this?