I just keep getting closer

[NumbCat]

Every day I just feel like it's getting closer. The pain is becoming unbearable. I don't like myself. My mom died years ago when I was a teen and my dad died when I was 12. I have a brother and a sister but my brother has a family he stays occupied with. We don't really live in the same world. My sister is crazier than I am. And I can't really talk to her because she never talks to me or anyone. I have a job I honestly hate. I am doing decent financially, but I can't stand going to work every day. It's slowly breaking me. I want to die. I just don't know how. I have a friend who is coming to roommate with me to save money in January and she's really the only person that is counting on me for anything but I don't like that responsibility either. The more friendships I have the worst I feel. I don't want to connect with anyone anymore. I want everyone to let go and I want to die. When I think about it I do get sad with all sorts of regret, but it seems like I've been let down by any sense of hope I've ever had. I'm 35. I have two cats and they have kept me alive more times than I can count because I couldn't stomach the thought of them possibly being put out on the streets. I hate being human. I hate being alive. I hate my job. I hate myself. I hate this world. Everything is so fake. I have thought about making it look like an accident, like jumping out of a plane and not pulling the parashoot but then someone would just be held liable most likely. I have thought about pills but I'm scared I won't take enough and be left brain dead. I've thought about a gun but I can't stomach it. I feel lost and trapped. Nobody truly gives a shit, and I just want to die. How do I do this?

 

[Zegers]

I think first you have to be clear that you really want to depart, which is one option among others, but you have to be clear about it. Once you have decided on this forum you can browse several methods and choose the one that is most feasible for you.

 

[FuneralCry]

We do unfortunately live in a world where planning to leave it behind can be so unnecessarily difficult and complicated. If someone wishes to leave all that they can do, is do research on methods to decide what is best for themselves. Of course I wish that suicide is much easier and of course it should be. I understand that it can be so dreadful feeling trapped in a life that you hate that is just constant suffering. I also really despise life, I view being brought into this world as being a terrible thing and I've never wanted to be here at all.
I wish you freedom.