I just cant get over the final hurdle after 4 attempts

[TimetoGo!]

Survival instinct is unbelievably strong, and I just can't seem to get over that barrier to CTB.

I have a large hot-tub in my garden. Large enough to fully submerge my body in (im 6'2). And in the past 3 weeks I have attempted to drown myself 4 times. (Once in bathtub)

Basically I have been extremely drunk and sedated , and I have used tie wraps , hooked around the hot-tubs piping to hold my head under the water. Once I make that final pull on the tie wrap to fasten it, I don't think I would be getting out. But,even when in full position to go ahead, SI kicks in and I just cant pull it tight, I push myself back up for air.

I think I am frightened stiff of it not working somehow, and giving myself brain damage meaning I am stuck on this planet.

Its crazy that even after a litre of vodka, and many sleeping tablets, SI is still there holding me back from making the final push.

I even tried hypoventilating by breathing fast and hard for 2 minutes, then blowing hard against my thumb . This made me feel very faint and I caused a blood vessel in my eye, but I couldn't pass out, as much as I tried.

How the hell am I going to do this and get over that SI? Anyone have any advice or ideas? My life is ruined and I 100% want to CTB as soon as possible.

 

[Sadbrains]

I think self drowning is a very difficult way to go because SI will always be dominant here. Your body can feel something is wrong during this method, regardless of how sedated or accepting you are of it. I'd recommend finding a better method. If drowning is truly the way you want to go for whatever reason (I mean this in a nice way. I know some people have very deep reasons on the method they choose), you need something to secure you a lot quicker, almost instantly like people who would tie bricks to their ankles before plunging into a large body of water so they could not swim back up.

I am sorry this life has caused you so much pain, and death can be very hard, and I wish you safe travels to the other side, or success in coping with living if you decide you do not want to CTB. I am not here to persuade though.

Much love regardless. Good luck.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I think self drowning is a very difficult way to go because SI will always be dominant here. Your body can feel something is wrong during this method, regardless of how sedated or accepting you are of it. I'd recommend finding a better method. If drowning is truly the way you want to go for whatever reason (I mean this in a nice way. I know some people have very deep reasons on the method they choose), you need something to secure you a lot quicker, almost instantly like people who would tie bricks to their ankles before plunging into a large body of water so they could not swim back up.

I am sorry this life has caused you so much pain, and death can be very hard, and I wish you safe travels to the other side, or success in coping with living if you decide you do not want to CTB. I am not here to persuade though.

Much love regardless. Good luck.

Thanks mate. Certainly need something, maybe a sedative to completely knock me out while just above the water

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here in this hellish existence, it's horrible to me how suicide is this difficult and drowning sounds like such a torturous method to try and purposely succeed with. I can imagine that most people who died in such a way did so as they physically couldn't get out of the water, they were trapped. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, the thought of suicide failing is what scares me as well, it's certainly terrifying how one can end up suffering more from a failed attempt.

 

[TimetoGo!]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here in this hellish existence, it's horrible to me how suicide is this difficult and drowning sounds like such a torturous method to try and purposely succeed with. I can imagine that most people who died in such a way did so as they physically couldn't get out of the water, they were trapped. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, the thought of suicide failing is what scares me as well, it's certainly terrifying how one can end up suffering more from a failed attempt.

It terrifies me, but it has to happen whether I like it or not . Been thinking about this far too long now, it's tiring

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why do want to drown yourself? Why don't you get yourself a tent and do the CO Method? Or you do it in a small room inside your house? SI will not kick in in the crucial moments.

Charcoal method advice

Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[TimetoGo!]

Why do want to drown yourself? Why don't you get yourself a tent and do the CO Method? Or you do it in a small room inside your house? SI will not kick in in the crucial moments.

Charcoal method advice

Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Is it as reliable as drowning though

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Is it as reliable as drowning though

It's more than that! CO gas is highly toxic, when you have a high enough concentration in a room / tent it's over within minutes, without SI kicking in. Read through the CO method threads. It needs proper preparations and some safety precautions. Definitly it's way better than drowning, and almost painless.

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

Is it as reliable as drowning though

Your method of drowning by forcing a tie wrap sounds reliable. Actual reliability would depend on details of the tie wrap and what you will tie it to. A strong nylon tie-wrap to a strong pipe would be reliable. Human body is built to detect suffocation and will fight real hard to get out of suffocating situation. So tie-down etc will need to be pretty strong and not able to slip out etc. If you can overcome SI and can actually pull this off. It is simple and has very few components, so few things that can go wrong. I find it hard to argue against its reliability. Would say just not as nice a method.

I do want to add, my belief is first try to find sunny days, and then try to get rid of the clouds and if for unsurmountable reasons you are still not getting sunshine then choose a damn reliable method that can make your situation better and no worse. Sorry for being preachy. Just something I want to say (more for myself than anything else perhaps).