Venting I just can't find any reason or any motivation to actually be alive

[CeilingStarer]

No matter how much I try, I just never get excited to wake up for the next day. My parents are too good for me so I can't allow myself to hurt them like this. But it's just passive living I'm doing, my life is slowly going towards a cliff but I don't feel like stepping on the breaks to save myself because deep down I don't want to be saved I wish I was never born I'm just tired and so genuinely numb.
I hate this point of not feeling like living but not being able to die either I've been stuck in this limbo for so long I don't know how much I have it in me anymore
Maybe it's something I'm missing that if I find it'll kickstart my will to live again but then will I actually want to live? Or will I just start feeling guilty of all the 24 years that felt wasted? I genuinely don't know anything anymore all I know at the moment is I don't want to be the reason the trajectory of my family goes in a horrid direction
...and I was hoping I'd leave my suicidal thoughts behind but alas

 

[punyama]

No matter how much I try, I just never get excited to wake up for the next day. My parents are too good for me so I can't allow myself to hurt them like this. But it's just passive living I'm doing, my life is slowly going towards a cliff but I don't feel like stepping on the breaks to save myself because deep down I don't want to be saved I wish I was never born I'm just tired and so genuinely numb.
I hate this point of not feeling like living but not being able to die either I've been stuck in this limbo for so long I don't know how much I have it in me anymore
Maybe it's something I'm missing that if I find it'll kickstart my will to live again but then will I actually want to live? Or will I just start feeling guilty of all the 24 years that felt wasted? I genuinely don't know anything anymore all I know at the moment is I don't want to be the reason the trajectory of my family goes in a horrid direction
...and I was hoping I'd leave my suicidal thoughts behind but alas

i've been feeling exactly the same way the last few months. i can't think of a single reason i want to keep living but i'm still here for some reason.
also i'm 24 as well

 

[CeilingStarer]

i've been feeling exactly the same way the last few months. i can't think of a single reason i want to keep living but i'm still here for some reason.
also i'm 24 as well

Damn we're twins fr

 

[NSA]

I thought dumping my whole existence into art would be enough, but im even getting bored with that. What else is there if even that cant make me want to be here.