Venting I just can’t continue with this nonsense

[cansadotiredofthis]

I'm a forty something yo stroke victim.
Three years ago I suffered a stroke that leave me hemiplegic, that mean I'm only able to use one side of my body. For more than 15 years I'm being in treatment for depression and social anxiety.
My life hasn't been easy. I only have known the rejection of the people that surround me, since kid, at my home with my own mother then in the school. Then as an adult I try to find companionship with my now husband. The first years were ok, but sooner we became estranged

Since the stroke, not only my life change, it also changed my relationship with my only friend and with my husband/caregiver.

The situation has slowly scaled to an emotional abuse. I'm a recluse in my room, I barely speak to anyone, much less with my husband.
My mental agility has gone. I don't know how I'm typing these words.

I've been thinking on CTB since years ago, But, I was so coward to even type and search for any ways to do it. I really hate how we live in a society that try to keep broken people alive and suffering just because.
I'm at the point that I cannot continue like this.
I've been reading for few days around your posts, the methods. But I'm overwhelmed. So far I've been thinking that SN is the best way to do it. But, I don't find a way to get it. It's so frustrating. Anothe punch in the gut.

I really want to scape from this body and reality. I just want to disconnect myself from all and séase my painful existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, it certainly is such a cruel and hellish existence where people have to suffer so unbearably. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[Young.Werther]

this sounds awful. All the pro-lifers who want to keep us here should have to spend some time in our shoes and see how they hold up. Maybe then they'd get it and let us leave.

I hope you find peace. Lots of resources here if you snoop around but it's still tough.

 

[divinemistress36]

I'm a stroke survior too. It's so hard to live with a damaged brain

 

[itsover090]

I know how you feel, I had nerve damage all over my body due to cancer treatment at 21, I lost my autonomy, I can't walk properly, countless other problems, it's been 4 years now, I plan on CTB this year