Venting i isolate myself and cant help it, despise the fact i am wasting my “best years” rotting away

[huggyob]

i have been alone for most of my life due to many different reasons and due to the fact that the place at which i live is a few decades in the past, their understanding is based off of ancient traditions and stereotypes. it's sickening, the only place i find happiness is on the internet with people from more respectable parts of the world. it has gotten to the point i get frightened or scared in a way if i get recognized by someone from someone i once knew a few years ago. i feel like dying from all anxiety, paranoid about my privacy. many others which i've opened up to on the internet reassure me that i am physically attractive and that i should "let myself get out there" but all the stress just piles up and i cant function. the few people i do find interesting i push myself away from because i am afraid ill just ruin something because of the fact i cant understand certain people sometimes. i either push myself away from everyone and slowly rot or i live in a constant state of stress and anxiety. i don't want to die, i just want to meet myself

 

[logi3535]

someone really close to me felt that way too, im not sure if they still do, about pushing others away because they're afraid they'll ruin something, i guess i'm pretty guilty of it too. I don't know all about your situation and the only one who knows how you're feeling is you, but could it be that sometimes you do understand them, you're just afraid of saying what you think? ehehhh maybe that's just me and i'm crazy though, everyone deserves to know all about themselves methinks

 

[huggyob]

someone really close to me felt that way too, im not sure if they still do, about pushing others away because they're afraid they'll ruin something, i guess i'm pretty guilty of it too. I don't know all about your situation and the only one who knows how you're feeling is you, but could it be that sometimes you do understand them, you're just afraid of saying what you think? ehehhh maybe that's just me and i'm crazy though, everyone deserves to know all about themselves methinks

youre totally right, i dont expect anyone to necessarily guide me as i believe that the answer to all our wishes lies in ourselves and those which seek to direct us are doing it out of their self interests. you might also be right that i understand people at some points, but in a way i just blank and can't think in the first place. i know it's rlly cliche but i often think about how i was foolish and how i couldve done more, talked more or acted differently whilst in the shower or whilst listening to music. but meh

 

[logi3535]

youre totally right, i dont expect anyone to necessarily guide me as i believe that the answer to all our wishes lies in ourselves and those which seek to direct us are doing it out of their self interests. you might also be right that i understand people at some points, but in a way i just blank and can't think in the first place. i know it's rlly cliche but i often think about how i was foolish and how i couldve done more, talked more or acted differently whilst in the shower or whilst listening to music. but meh

haha no i totally get that, and honestly i dont think i can much of anything without someone else guiding me too, but such is life i guess, everyone is different so not everyone will feel the same thoughts or feelings of course, its okay not to know what to say or how to help