I hurt her…

[goodoldnoname923]

She was special to me…she was the light to my life…my angel

She always devoted her loyalty to me yet I could never see…she did so much for me fought so hard for me…and all i did was through it back in her face

I remember asking her if there was something wrong between us even asking a mutual friend if we had a problem she lashed out…denying it completely

She was afraid to face the reality of our situation…of how bad it was…about how bad i was

Yet i can seem to fully accept how bad i was or am…

She's happier now yet i know every part of me won't let go…i wont allow myself to enjoy things anymore I'm constantly punishing and destroying myself when I'm not wanting her back

I need to die because ik I won't let go of her like i let go of the friend i had before…and what if there is someone else I get attached to

I destroyed the 2 people i cared about before and still i try to go back to them…only worse than when i left yet…i only get worse

I need to go before i hurt them more or hurt anyone else but i cant

 

[metasticmind]

same boat here. i hurt the one person who loved me so many times that even they gave up on me. i can't even function like a normal person so i just end up being a burden on literally anyone cursed with caring about me. i can feel that i need to go but i'm just terrified. each day the impulse gets closer