Venting I hope i didnt ruin my chance

[AshesofSadness]

finally got some money to spend and then realized that it was enough to buy some SN so then had to decide between spending it on the original thing i was going to get, or SN. This wouldn't have even fucking happened if i wasn't worried about the possibility of the one source i found just vanishing before i can get some... But like Im not fully sure i want to die so while im not in that much of a rush to actually CTB i need the option available... I decided to go with what i was originally going to buy but the anxiety has been beating me up over the possibility of losing access to SN sources... Does society want me to feel like shit for not getting some? Do they want me to be in a rush to get SN even though im not 100% sure i want to CTB yet?? Do they want me to get it early in a rush then fucking impulsively CTB one day??? WHERES THE FUCKING LOGIC?????

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly despise this anti-suicide society, it would be so relieving and prevent so much suffering if the option to cease existing in peace is there at all times for when people want to leave. It's beyond cruel how people have to struggle so much to die.

 

[puella]

I wouldn't be in a rush to get SN either if it weren't becoming harder. It's strange how people think prohibition of something like this will do anything but push it underground and make more dangerous situations.