• UK users: Due to a formal investigation into this site by Ofcom under the UK Online Safety Act 2023, we strongly recommend using a trusted, no-logs VPN. This will help protect your privacy, bypass censorship, and maintain secure access to the site. Read the full VPN guide here.

  • Hey Guest,

    Today, OFCOM launched an official investigation into Sanctioned Suicide under the UK’s Online Safety Act. This has already made headlines across the UK.

    This is a clear and unprecedented overreach by a foreign regulator against a U.S.-based platform. We reject this interference and will be defending the site’s existence and mission.

    In addition to our public response, we are currently seeking legal representation to ensure the best possible defense in this matter. If you are a lawyer or know of one who may be able to assist, please contact us at [email protected].

    Read our statement here:

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 34HyDHTvEhXfPfb716EeEkEHXzqhwtow1L
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
orangepotato

orangepotato

Student
Mar 26, 2020
148
One wants to live and one wants to give up and die, and I don't know which one to listen to. Literally half the time I want to die, and the other half I want to live. It's dividing me in half and driving me insane. I want to kill myself just to escape this constant back-and-forth, one second I feel OK the next second I'm absolutely convinced I'm going to kill myself. I just want it to stop. This is torture!
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: clown_17, Wishfulignorance, MeltedJello and 9 others
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,299
That sounds very tiring. Our own thoughts can torture us and I can understand your feelings of wanting to escape from it. Hopefully you can find relief from your suffering in some way.
 
  • Love
Reactions: Dead Meat
orangepotato

orangepotato

Student
Mar 26, 2020
148
I feel like purposely sabotaging myself so that I feel like I have to do it. Has anyone done this? Something like burning my house down so now I have to die or I'll be homeless.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: Walkingcorpse123, clown_17, Dead Meat and 1 other person
BeautifulMosaics

BeautifulMosaics

Specialist
Aug 15, 2021
310
I feel like purposely sabotaging myself so that I feel like I have to do it. Has anyone done this? Something like burning my house down so now I have to die or I'll be homeless.
That's understandable. Because you feel split, each side equally valid and powerful, you can't truly make a decision without betraying yourself. Naturally you want to force yourself into a situation where you don't have to deal with the torture anymore without feeling like you're denying one side of yourself. If ctb is the best decision in the sabotaged scenario - how can your hopeful side feel denied?

I have sabotaged myself my whole life - education, jobs, music opportunities. I thought it was dissociation, apathy and feeling like I always had the future, maybe your reason is why. Who knows..
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dead Meat
Crazy4u

Crazy4u

Enlightened
Sep 29, 2021
1,318
The inability to make a decision whether to live or die is hard. I don't have any suggestion other than distract yourself until you know for sure.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BeautifulMosaics
eryu

eryu

Member
Sep 25, 2021
90
I feel like purposely sabotaging myself so that I feel like I have to do it.
In theory, it is a good idea but I wonder how often this actually works for people.
I think it would be just as likely that a lot of people find themselves in a worse state of suffering and no closer to being able to finish it. Maybe farther away since they feel even weaker and more frightened.
 
  • Like
Reactions: clown_17
TriggerHappy

TriggerHappy

In the kingdom of th blind; the one-eyed are kings
Jan 24, 2021
1,297
no one can torture us as much as we torture ourselves....
no one can hate, hurt or criticize us as much as we do to ourselves :: there's freedom in that, apparently...
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: stygal and newave3
meetapple

meetapple

Mage
Jun 3, 2021
585
I echo the concern that you will find yourself in a worse position should you desire to sabotage yourself. You want to keep your options open. There are better ways to deal with SI I am sure.
 
Feeding Pigeons

Feeding Pigeons

Warlock
Aug 5, 2021
776
I feel like purposely sabotaging myself so that I feel like I have to do it. Has anyone done this? Something like burning my house down so now I have to die or I'll be homeless.
Please don't do this. I know its torturous. Don't do this. Even if you choose to ctb, you want the option to do it in your own home.
 
  • Like
Reactions: stygal

Similar threads

S
Replies
2
Views
133
Recovery
sambrosia
S
snooperdooper
Replies
5
Views
226
Suicide Discussion
snooperdooper
snooperdooper
Caffeineaddiction
Replies
7
Views
522
Suicide Discussion
wham311
W
i_just_need_a_hug
Replies
7
Views
172
Suicide Discussion
bankai
bankai
usernamesarehard
Venting I want to die
Replies
2
Views
148
Suicide Discussion
TheOA34
T