I have tried so hard to love myself but it is so impossible

[FireFox]

I really hate my black hair and brown eyes, these features are so just impossible to love. Blue, green and other eye colours are so beautiful because they stand out more and are visbly appealing to look at. When it comes to brown eyes the pupil and the iris together is just is so bland with nothing beautiful or vibrant when you look the colour. It looks like a pool mud or an entrance to a dark tunnel.

I wish I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes because I look more interesting. I feel like men will notice me more and will want to date me, its such a popular hair colour in society. I have asked for advice on how can I embrace my black hair and brown eyes.

This week I went on the Internet again asking for advice on how to embrace my features. This time I went British mothers for advice on how to embrace my black hair and brown eyes and overcome this insecurity. I posted in the black women's section hoping I will find women who managed to overcome this issue.

The women let me down. The comments were a mixture of unhelpful, judgemental and useless really.

I had plenty white women joining in the conservation. One white woman with blonde hair she said how being pale skinned comes with issues. She talked about her sunburn marks which she experiences when it is hot. She talked how bad her legs look when it's winter. She said she had experienced unwanted attention because of her blonde hair. I understand she meant well but i was furious.

I was so mad I even wrote saying "
"I would rather have all the annoying inconveniences of having blonde hair and blue eyes comes than live with the lifetime of rejection and ignorance that comes with having brown skin"

The black women were just as bad. I received comments from black women accusing me of being a "troll" and saying "no black woman writes like that."

Other black women even criticised me saying "you do realise black woman have other eye colours not just brown." I pointed out to her that the only black woman who have different eye colours are mixed race women( mixed race is not black that is why it called mixed race). I am talking about mixed race I have met with different eye colours. If you are dark black woman or just a brown woman like me majority of us have brown eyes.

I can't help but if I had a blonde hair and i will be noticed more by guys. I can't dye my hair blonde as it will damage my hair permanently.
Anyway I have really tried to love myself but I just can't win anymore. I feel like nobody really understands

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Funny I've always loved my brown eyes.... brown eyes can be very warm and friendly whereas blue and green eyes can appear cold and harsh. The vast majority of white people have brown eyes, all other races also have a vast majority of people with brown eyes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, but if you hate them that much I'd like to introduce you to the world of coloured contacts, that way you too can have blue or green eyes.

Hair is also another easy fix. I'm a natural red head and a brit, my childhood was filled with being bullied as a result. *I know it's not as bad as what poc can get* I died my hair dark brown - almost black and I'm much happier with this colour.
As for your friend mentioning too much attention *whilst I doubt that was solely due to hair colour* its not just a nuisance it can be outright terrifying. Your friend is far from the only person to complain about it. Being blond also carries certain stereotypes... being stupid, being a slut and this is what can make the attention terrifying as men can approach them with certain expectations... as a sexual assault victim I could never imagine wanting to put up with that and considering it a minor thing.

You can't do anything about your skin colour though there are whitening products to make it lighter. Again dont expect white people to get that desire. Our beauty ideal is tanned skin so those who are obsessed with beauty spend ages making their skin colour darker.

If anyone asks why you have blue/green eyes and blond hair as a black woman a) tell them it's none of their business and b) tell them you have soloman island heritage... where these features occur naturally without mixing race.

 

[SpaceCadet]

Don't worry about things you can't change, different people have different preferences when comes to looks, and men don't really care if your eye is blue or green or if you are blonde, it's more about the whole "package" including your personality and hygiene. Anyway, looks fade and we all get less attractive with time. If in any relantionship you go only for the looks that will not last at all. Gym helps building self steem so you won't focus only on your "imperfections". Take care.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I haven't commented on your previous posts, because I don't know what I can say, but I read them, and I sympathize. I am truly sorry you are going through this, and how wrongfully cruel society is about these things.

I know I can't truly understand and I don't want to invalidate your feelings with this, but I do genuinely find dark hair and eyes beautiful. I'm not just saying that, either. It's an observation I've made that many, if not most of the women I find most beautiful have darker skin/hair/eyes. It doesn't help with dating, of course, and it doesn't help with daily life, but there are still people who will appreciate features like yours, even if they are hard to come by for you.

I really do wish things weren't this way. People are so awful and you don't deserve the way you've been treated. I'm trying hard not to throw platitudes, because that isn't helpful. So sometimes the best you can aim for, the first thing you must aim for, is self neutrality rather than self love.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I get not being able to love yourself over physical features that may come from race.
I've always felt ugly just for my Asian features including the disgustingly squinty eyes, baby face, misproportioned nose and other features I'm lacking. Another issue with being an Asian male is that the only people who seem to be attracted to my demographic from tinder at least seem to mostly be Kpop fans (I personally hate Kpop) who'd prefer me to be skinny and/or short and not overweight and 6 ft tall like me. That's just my experience though. It might be different for other such men… I wish I was Korean, white, or even black because at least from what I can tell most black men look really nice no matter what they wear.

That said Asians including myself whether male and female usually have brown eyes and black hair too and yet they seem to still get lots of favorable attention as well so there's at least more at play than that. I'm sure there has to be men out there who are attracted to black women but of course that sentiment doesn't help and you surely must feel like if that were really true, then you should have felt it by now so I totally get it. I also hate it when people try to lie to me and affirm that I'm more attractive than I know I am out of pity or condescension.

Hope I'm not being rude and I don't mean to pry but does your fixation on preferring to be a blue-eyed white blonde girl stem from a specific rejection? Like was there someone in your past who you were into that preferred someone of that description? It's okay if that's not the case at all but I just want to say if that is true then I can certainly relate to that aspect as well…

 

[som1]

I have the same issues and when I decided to talk about them on Reddit people didn't take me seriously and called me a troll. I guess if you have insecurities about your eye color or skin color people don't take you seriously cause most people have brown eyes. Also, some people laugh when I talk about them cause they think I'm trying to be clever. No one will understand our pain, I know I will always be inferior to the light women and I can't take that, my pride is too high, I rather die with my dignity than be less than other women.

 

[FireFox]

I have the same issues and when I decided to talk about them on Reddit people didn't take me seriously and called me a troll. I guess if you have insecurities about your eye color or skin color people don't take you seriously cause most people have brown eyes. Also, some people laugh when I talk about them cause they think I'm trying to be clever. No one will understand our pain, I know I will always be inferior to the light women and I can't take that, my pride is too high, I rather die with my dignity than be less than other women.

@shvm I am shocked at how people post far worse bullsh*t online and it gets taken more seriously. I have geniue issue but nobody seems interested in saying anything helpful.

I am just so disappointed in my fellow women for not wanting to listen. Most women in thier life have this solidarity and sisterhood whereas all my life I have been excluded by women even though I am one.

Black women online think any woman who expresses an insecurity about their features is a troll. This has happened to me twice online forums. It is so hurtful. The black women who dont think I am a troll they respond with arrogance saying
my comments are "not true" or are "hurtful" to other black woman.

I don't want these feelings.

White women are just as bad especially when they talk about their problems with having pale skin and being blonde or wishing they had darker skin. Honestly I wish they would shut up because they have no idea. Honestly I would give anything to have thier problems. I would rather have all the inconveniences of having blonde and pale skin than a lifetime of rejection, ignorance for having brown skin.

I can't win anymore.

 

[som1]

@shvm I am shocked at how people post far worse bullsh*t online and it gets taken more seriously. I have geniue issue but nobody seems interested in saying anything helpful.

I am just so disappointed in my fellow women for not wanting to listen. Most women in thier life have this solidarity and sisterhood whereas all my life I have been excluded by women even though I am one.

Black women online think any woman who expresses an insecurity about their features is a troll. This has happened to me twice online forums. It is so hurtful. The black women who dont think I am a troll they respond with arrogance saying
my comments are "not true" or are "hurtful" to other black woman.

I don't want these feelings.

White women are just as bad especially when they talk about their problems with having pale skin and being blonde or wishing they had darker skin. Honestly I wish they would shut up because they have no idea. Honestly I would give anything to have thier problems. I would rather have all the inconveniences of having blonde and pale skin than a lifetime of rejection, ignorance for having brown skin.

I can't win anymore.

Yeah white women always respond with we spend hours to get ur complexion. But if ur born with brown skin it's not the same as getting a tan, brown people will always be seen as less than white people no matter what. We will never be more attractive or as attractive as the white ones.

 

[WadeingThru]

Blue, green and other eye colours are so beautiful because they stand out more and are visbly appealing to look at.

Have you looked in to contact lenses? I've seen some that look like cat eyes. Real trippy looking.

But really don't worry about stuff you can't control. Brown is beautiful!

 

[motel rooms]

I really hate my black hair and brown eyes, these features are so just impossible to love. Blue, green and other eye colours are so beautiful because they stand out more and are visbly appealing to look at. When it comes to brown eyes the pupil and the iris together is just is so bland with nothing beautiful or vibrant when you look the colour. It looks like a pool mud or an entrance to a dark tunnel.

I wish I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes because I look more interesting. I feel like men will notice me more and will want to date me, its such a popular hair colour in society. I have asked for advice on how can I embrace my black hair and brown eyes.

This week I went on the Internet again asking for advice on how to embrace my features. This time I went British mothers for advice on how to embrace my black hair and brown eyes and overcome this insecurity. I posted in the black women's section hoping I will find women who managed to overcome this issue.

The women let me down. The comments were a mixture of unhelpful, judgemental and useless really.

Going by your previous posts, it's safe to say that you don't have extremely low self-esteem because your hair is black & your eyes are brown. You probably shouldn't call brown eyes unappealing, bland with nothing beautiful about them & liken them to mud (for quite obvious reasons).

 

[Tackingintothewind]

@shvm I am shocked at how people post far worse bullsh*t online and it gets taken more seriously. I have geniue issue but nobody seems interested in saying anything helpful.

I am just so disappointed in my fellow women for not wanting to listen. Most women in thier life have this solidarity and sisterhood whereas all my life I have been excluded by women even though I am one.

Black women online think any woman who expresses an insecurity about their features is a troll. This has happened to me twice online forums. It is so hurtful. The black women who dont think I am a troll they respond with arrogance saying
my comments are "not true" or are "hurtful" to other black woman.

I don't want these feelings.

White women are just as bad especially when they talk about their problems with having pale skin and being blonde or wishing they had darker skin. Honestly I wish they would shut up because they have no idea. Honestly I would give anything to have thier problems. I would rather have all the inconveniences of having blonde and pale skin than a lifetime of rejection, ignorance for having brown skin.

I can't win anymore.

It seems like you are the same as what you accuse others of.... many people have image issues. I dont I have long since decided I want to be undesirable. But it's a bit thing to list your insecurities and dismiss other's.... and yet expect the people you are dismissing to.treat you differently. The white people who agree with your beauty ideals will also not be able to agree with you without appearing racist and if they are open in agreement then they are racist and proud

Indeed so far nothing you have said about your features makes you ugly in my eyes. Black woman can be extremely beautiful, near eastern, middle eastern and indian women too.
I would imagine black women react the way they do to your comments for perceive internal racism. Many of them will be insulted when you classify features they have themselves as ugly. Indeed when you express brown eyes are ugly you are probably insulting 99% of the world.

Again you can dye your hair, wear colour contacts and use skin whitening lotions *these will not make you white but will make you lighter, the sample way spray tan makes white girls darker* to make yourself be more comfortable but you shouldn't be surprised that noone agrees with your sentiments.

I'd like to say I think east Asian people can be beautiful too, indeed I get my eyes *brown eyes that I personally consider beautiful* from my chinese grandmother* but I have never heard an east Asian person refer to themselves as brown.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

You shouldn't think like this, I know it is hard, but a little example is look at black women past the age of 30 compared to white women, you can have a black woman who looks 40 but is actually 60 etc, I don't want to sound racist but I think many features black women have are beautiful and make me envious.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

You shouldn't think like this, I know it is hard, but a little example is look at black women past the age of 30 compared to white women, you can have a black woman who looks 40 but is actually 60 etc, I don't want to sound racist but I think many features black women have are beautiful and make me envious.

Its actually a case of being familiar with facial features. Many people think the same about chinese people, but I have always been able to accurately guess a Chinese person's age due to having chinese family members and seeing many of those facial features in the mirror even if the rest of me doesnt match. I would imagine the same is true for black people. Of course there are always exceptions.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Its actually a case of being familiar with facial features. Many people think the same about chinese people, but I have always been able to accurately guess a Chinese person's age due to having chinese family members and seeing many of those facial features in the mirror even if the rest of me doesnt match. I would imagine the same is true for black people. Of course there are always exceptions.

I was more referring to skin, white skin ages badly especially in the sun, I will stop talking now though or I will be accused of being some racist lol.

 

[LastFlowers]

I really hate my black hair and brown eyes, these features are so just impossible to love. Blue, green and other eye colours are so beautiful because they stand out more and are visbly appealing to look at. When it comes to brown eyes the pupil and the iris together is just is so bland with nothing beautiful or vibrant when you look the colour. It looks like a pool mud or an entrance to a dark tunnel.

I wish I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes because I look more interesting. I feel like men will notice me more and will want to date me, its such a popular hair colour in society. I have asked for advice on how can I embrace my black hair and brown eyes.

This week I went on the Internet again asking for advice on how to embrace my features. This time I went British mothers for advice on how to embrace my black hair and brown eyes and overcome this insecurity. I posted in the black women's section hoping I will find women who managed to overcome this issue.

The women let me down. The comments were a mixture of unhelpful, judgemental and useless really.

I had plenty white women joining in the conservation. One white woman with blonde hair she said how being pale skinned comes with issues. She talked about her sunburn marks which she experiences when it is hot. She talked how bad her legs look when it's winter. She said she had experienced unwanted attention because of her blonde hair. I understand she meant well but i was furious.

I was so mad I even wrote saying "
"I would rather have all the annoying inconveniences of having blonde hair and blue eyes comes than live with the lifetime of rejection and ignorance that comes with having brown skin"

The black women were just as bad. I received comments from black women accusing me of being a "troll" and saying "no black woman writes like that."

Other black women even criticised me saying "you do realise black woman have other eye colours not just brown." I pointed out to her that the only black woman who have different eye colours are mixed race women( mixed race is not black that is why it called mixed race). I am talking about mixed race I have met with different eye colours. If you are dark black woman or just a brown woman like me majority of us have brown eyes.

I can't help but if I had a blonde hair and i will be noticed more by guys. I can't dye my hair blonde as it will damage my hair permanently.
Anyway I have really tried to love myself but I just can't win anymore. I feel like nobody really understands

Okay, listen, lookism is a thing (as is racism and colorism adjacent to that of course) and I have definitely sympathized with your previous posts, but simply "hair and eye color" has little to no bearing to being seen as interesting or objectively good looking. This is just a scientific fact, based on the nature of how the human brain assesses the aesthetic "value" of one's appearance and gravitates toward or away from it, and we can also clearly see the evidence of this fact in daily life.

There are so many countless actresses and models (plenty of which are unique looking) who have dark hair and dark eyes, there are also plenty of blonde haired blue-eyed people who are ostracized for being unattractive.
(Because what it really comes down to, are things like proportions, bone structure, contrast..which darker hair, lashes, and brows are far better for btw, and general balance to the face, I could go on..but you get the gist.)
I don't want to have to name these examples, because I don't want to get into the whole idolization of celebrities (which disgusts me), but you can turn on your television or device right now and you will see countless examples of attractive men and women with dark hair and dark eyes (this will include women of your own race as well, though I admit, white people are going to be in more of an abundance) sometimes even within the same show or film they will be the attractive one with a lighter haired, less attractive costar, simply because it's more common, so you will see a lot of brown eyed brunettes lauded for their beauty (when they're not dying their hair red or lighter).

Please, understand I am not blowing smoke up your ass or trying to be dismissive, I am the last person who would deny you your appearance related woes if they were warranted in the grand scheme of things, but unless it's a personal preference that you identify with and simply cannot live without (which, if so, I will concede somewhat), it's genuinely not significant enough to cause any sort of problems along the lines of which you speak.
Other more damning attributes to physical appearance? Yes.
Simply eye and hair color? Absolutely not.
I mentioned this in a little more depth on a previous post you made awhile back.
Even with the eyes alone, other aspects of that feature are more important than the color, you can definitely have dazzling, doe-eyed dark eyes (it's actually a common and coveted aesthetic), even something like the thickness of the limbal ring is more important than the color.
Even among green and blue eyes, there are unattractive ones, and ones where you can barely tell that they're technically blue or green, the colors that usually stand out are super bright blue, or sea-green, which are rare, otherwise some greens and blues are darker than some browns and hazels, and light doesn't even reflect off of them as well.
It is all FAR more complicated than just being the host of blue or green eyes.

I hate to ask, but are you sure you don't have issues with any other aspects to appearance and maybe you're focusing too much on the things that are actually less significant because they're much simpler and easier things to focus on?
Because if not, then I really don't know how much more I can say and what I can do to help you.
I am not a bullshitter when it comes to the overarching topic at hand, and it actually gets me into hot water many a times, so if you can't take me at my word, then I'm not sure what more can be offered.
I am very sorry.

As for the pale white woman talking about sunburn and attention for her hair color, the sensitivity to the sun is definitely a thing and it can prematurely age a person unless they take ridiculous precautions or have protective genetics in general, but the whole "I get unwanted attention for my hair color" thing is a little ridiculous, I would have scoffed at that too. If she's so annoyed by that, then she can dye her hair darker, and she won't even have to worry about the damage of bleach.
That part of the argument was practically a bizarre humble brag, I'll give you that.
And idk where she is from, because where I'm from, ain't no blonde getting any more attention simply over her hair.
Most people dye their hair these days anyways and true blondes usually don't have platinum blonde hair that's noticeable in any way, it's usually "dirty blonde" and they also have light lashes and brows, which are not good for contrast on the face, unless you have extra thick ones to help compensate.
You wanna know who REALLY gets the most attention? Red-heads! lol, but even then, if they're not at least decently attractive otherwise, then they're going to get shit like everyone else.

And I also want to give the disclaimer, that despite the way I speak about aesthetics and how I try to recognize the depths to which they play a part in our lives and our identity, I do NOT condone any sort of discriminatory behavior or even unsavory thoughts about someone just because they don't fit a certain mold or universal beauty standard.
I hate that the world is like this, I hate that humans beings are so inherently superficial and that we only compound this issue rather than attempt to obliterate it, but I'm also not going to hand out platitudes when I know, more than most, just how fucking damaging a situation of an unfortunate appearance can be.
However, dark hair (brown or black) and brown eyes are not inherently unfortunate features, quite to the contrary.

 

[solisoccasus]

I really hate my black hair and brown eyes, these features are so just impossible to love. Blue, green and other eye colours are so beautiful because they stand out more and are visbly appealing to look at. When it comes to brown eyes the pupil and the iris together is just is so bland with nothing beautiful or vibrant when you look the colour. It looks like a pool mud or an entrance to a dark tunnel.

I wish I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes because I look more interesting. I feel like men will notice me more and will want to date me, its such a popular hair colour in society. I have asked for advice on how can I embrace my black hair and brown eyes.

This week I went on the Internet again asking for advice on how to embrace my features. This time I went British mothers for advice on how to embrace my black hair and brown eyes and overcome this insecurity. I posted in the black women's section hoping I will find women who managed to overcome this issue.

The women let me down. The comments were a mixture of unhelpful, judgemental and useless really.

I had plenty white women joining in the conservation. One white woman with blonde hair she said how being pale skinned comes with issues. She talked about her sunburn marks which she experiences when it is hot. She talked how bad her legs look when it's winter. She said she had experienced unwanted attention because of her blonde hair. I understand she meant well but i was furious.

I was so mad I even wrote saying "
"I would rather have all the annoying inconveniences of having blonde hair and blue eyes comes than live with the lifetime of rejection and ignorance that comes with having brown skin"

The black women were just as bad. I received comments from black women accusing me of being a "troll" and saying "no black woman writes like that."

Other black women even criticised me saying "you do realise black woman have other eye colours not just brown." I pointed out to her that the only black woman who have different eye colours are mixed race women( mixed race is not black that is why it called mixed race). I am talking about mixed race I have met with different eye colours. If you are dark black woman or just a brown woman like me majority of us have brown eyes.

I can't help but if I had a blonde hair and i will be noticed more by guys. I can't dye my hair blonde as it will damage my hair permanently.
Anyway I have really tried to love myself but I just can't win anymore. I feel like nobody really understands

I really want to have brown eyes. They're good. My mother has that.

 

[FireFox]

I really want to have brown eyes. They're good. My mother has that.

@solisoccassus Interesting. What is it about brown eyes you find appealing ?

 

[solisoccasus]

@solisoccassus Interesting. What is it about brown eyes you find appealing ?

I find it sexy.

 

[FireFox]

I get not being able to love yourself over physical features that may come from race.
I've always felt ugly just for my Asian features including the disgustingly squinty eyes, baby face, misproportioned nose and other features I'm lacking. Another issue with being an Asian male is that the only people who seem to be attracted to my demographic from tinder at least seem to mostly be Kpop fans (I personally hate Kpop) who'd prefer me to be skinny and/or short and not overweight and 6 ft tall like me. That's just my experience though. It might be different for other such men… I wish I was Korean, white, or even black because at least from what I can tell most black men look really nice no matter what they wear.

That said Asians including myself whether male and female usually have brown eyes and black hair too and yet they seem to still get lots of favorable attention as well so there's at least more at play than that. I'm sure there has to be men out there who are attracted to black women but of course that sentiment doesn't help and you surely must feel like if that were really true, then you should have felt it by now so I totally get it. I also hate it when people try to lie to me and affirm that I'm more attractive than I know I am out of pity or condescension.

Hope I'm not being rude and I don't mean to pry but does your fixation on preferring to be a blue-eyed white blonde girl stem from a specific rejection? Like was there someone in your past who you were into that preferred someone of that description? It's okay if that's not the case at all but I just want to say if that is true then I can certainly relate to that aspect as well…

@Dr Iron Arc
Growing up as a teenager I was just invisible to guys even though i was naturally confident in talking to people, answering questions in class and publicly speaking in school assemblies. I was just myself

No guy was ever interested in knowing me even when I approached them there was always another girl who caught their eye who was always more pretty than me or more popular. As I a teenager I used to do cadets. There was a girl in cadets she had blonde hair and all the boys pretty much liked her it was so obvious. One of the guys l liked in cadets he was also interested in her.

I just seen in the past how girls with blonde hair get noticed more by guys. On TV the teenage drama shows I used to watch the character with blonde hair was always the pretty and popular one. Dating shows I used to watch in the UK the women with blonde hair the guys seemed more interested in. It was not always the case but i noticed it a lot.

Looking at women with blonde hair I was always felt like my features were so dull and boring.

I feel like I would be in a better position if I was born with blonde hair. It would give me an advantage.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

@Dr Iron Arc
Growing up as a teenager I was just invisible to guys even though i was naturally confident in talking to people, answering questions in class and publicly speaking in school assemblies. I was just myself

No guy was ever interested in knowing me even when I approached them there was always another girl who caught their eye who was always more pretty than me or more popular. As I a teenager I used to do cadets. There was a girl in cadets she had blonde hair and all the boys pretty much liked her it was so obvious. One of the guys l liked in cadets he was also interested in her.

I just seen in the past how girls with blonde hair get noticed more by guys. On TV the teenage drama shows I used to watch the character with blonde hair was always the pretty and popular one. Dating shows I used to watch in the UK the women with blonde hair the guys seemed more interested in. It was not always the case but i noticed it a lot.

Looking at women with blonde hair I was always felt like my features were so dull and boring.

I feel like I would be in a better position if I was born with blonde hair. It would give me an advantage.

Blond hair isnt a feature it's a choice. It's rare, even rarer in black people but does occur on the Solomon islands. Most people with blond hair have dyed it so please if you think having blond hair will fix your problems give it a whirl, if you dont want to dye it, get a wig. If it fixes your self esteem it will be worth it. But please remember when you make these comments that brown eyes are far and away the most common eye colour on this planet. Dark hair be it black or dark brown is far and away more common than lighter hair. People of colour are way more numerous than white people. So please remember when you make these comments you are insulting the vast majority of the world's women, many of whom are in loving relationships meaning these features are not to blame.

Someone said redheads get more attention. I can confirm. I got the wrong kind of attention when I was still in school, I was bullied because of it and then at 15 on the way home from school my class mate's father..... after that I finally got my life long.wish to have my hair dyed dark. It didnt fix everything, no matter what I did I couldn't change my chinese eye shape, the other reason I was bullied but i learned to embrace them and without the redhair they looked less strange. it helped me feel more comfortable so please if blond hair will.help you get some. If blue eyes will help you get those. If lighter skin will help you skin whitening.products are very common in east asia... I'm sure you will find some online. If you dont want to do any of this then embrace yourself. Nothing looks uglier on a person then low self esteem and people can sense it. If you think you are unattractive you will subconsciously do things to make yourself so.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. It can be horrible when you hate the way you look. Those people you talked to online sound so insensitive. Other people really can make things worse. I wish you the best.

 

[FireFox]

Going by your previous posts, it's safe to say that you don't have extremely low self-esteem because your hair is black & your eyes are brown. You probably shouldn't call brown eyes unappealing, bland with nothing beautiful about them & liken them to mud (for quite obvious reasons).

@motel rooms

I used to be really confident but being single and the invisible woman all my life has actually damaged my self esstem as i progress in to my mid 20s. Growing up as a teenager I was just invisible to guys even though i was naturally confident in talking, answering questions in class and publicly speaking in school assemblies.

No guy was ever interested in knowing me even when I approached them or made the effort to know them, there was always another girl who caught their eye who was always more pretty than me. In adulthood it still the same situation it always another girl they find attractive and I am just overlooked again and again. I can't take anymore.

As I grow older I realise no man is ever going to be find attractive or actually want me. I even get criticised by people who tell me " it is role for a man to chase a woman " . I once asked a guy out this is the criticism I received from people.

I can't win anymore.
Sometimes I wish I just super attractive with no personality and have men just wanting me. It sucks having my personality and nobody wants to know you.

 

[FireFox]

Blond hair isnt a feature it's a choice. It's rare, even rarer in black people but does occur on the Solomon islands. Most people with blond hair have dyed it so please if you think having blond hair will fix your problems give it a whirl, if you dont want to dye it, get a wig. If it fixes your self esteem it will be worth it. But please remember when you make these comments that brown eyes are far and away the most common eye colour on this planet. Dark hair be it black or dark brown is far and away more common than lighter hair. People of colour are way more numerous than white people. So please remember when you make these comments you are insulting the vast majority of the world's women, many of whom are in loving relationships meaning these features are not to blame.

Someone said redheads get more attention. I can confirm. I got the wrong kind of attention when I was still in school, I was bullied because of it and then at 15 on the way home from school my class mate's father..... after that I finally got my life long.wish to have my hair dyed dark. It didnt fix everything, no matter what I did I couldn't change my chinese eye shape, the other reason I was bullied but i learned to embrace them and without the redhair they looked less strange. it helped me feel more comfortable so please if blond hair will.help you get some. If blue eyes will help you get those. If lighter skin will help you skin whitening.products are very common in east asia... I'm sure you will find some online. If you dont want to do any of this then embrace yourself. Nothing looks uglier on a person then low self esteem and people can sense it. If you think you are unattractive you will subconsciously do things to make yourself so.

@Tackingintothewind Actually I live in the UK people of colour are not numerous like in America or other countries that have a larger black population. In the UK black people make up 3% of the population, Asians 7%. These statistics came from the last complete census which was taken in 2011. We are currently awaiting the results of the new census which was taken last year. In the UK we have a census every 10 years.

Population of England and Wales

According to the 2021 Census, 81.7% of the population of England and Wales was white, 9.3% Asian, 4.0% black, 2.9% mixed and 2.1% from other ethnic groups.

www.ethnicity-facts-figures.service.gov.uk

I really hate it when people especially when women say to me online "oh your comments are insulting to women with brown eyes and black hair. " I want help for these feelings to stop because everyday it torments me so much. I don't want to be this way but it feels like nobody really understands.

I used to be really confident but being single and the invisible woman all my life has actually damaged my self esstem. Growing up as a teenager I was just invisible to guys even though i was naturally confident in talking, answering questions in class and publicly speaking in school assemblies. All I ever got was builled all time in school even though I did stand up for myself it would have been nice having someone look for me.

No guy was ever interested in knowing me even when I approached them there was always another girl who caught their eye who was always more pretty than me. In adulthood it still the same situation it always another girl they find attractive and I am just overlooked again and again. I can't take anymore, I just can't cope anymore. It has finally broken me after graduated university at 23 with no boyfriend my self esstem effectively broke down.

I was confident all my life but still being single in my mid 20s has really broken me.

Majority of women have had their first boyfriend as a teenager as this is the social norm. I had to go through never having a boyfriend in my teens and early 20s. No one really understands how isolating it is and eventually it messes you up. I am losing my sanity

When I see happy couples in public all I see everything I missed out in. Valentines day is the absolute worst.

When I turn 30 I plan to kill myself because I am not going through a another decade being single and struggling to navigate life. There multiple reasons why I want to die and I do believe it is the best option for me.

I really wanted to be normal and happy with a partner and a life with meaning. I realise now I just on my own with my problem because nobody really knows or even cares to help.
Everyone just judges, judges or criticises. I am just outsider amoung women.

 

[OldDrummer]

Don't get obsessed about the product wrapping, it's about what's inside that counts.

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry you are suffering. It can be horrible when you hate the way you look. Those people you talked to online sound so insensitive. Other people really can make things worse.
wish you the best

@LeavingForever I really hate it when people especially when women say to me online "oh your comments are insulting to women with brown eyes and black hair. " I want help for these feelings to stop because everyday it absolutely torments me.

I don't want to be this way but it feels like nobody really understands. I am now convinced my problem can never be fixed because whenever I open up about all I get is women mainly online complain that my comments are "offensive" or "deeply hurtful"

Trying having these thoughts in your head 24/7 and people want to complain i am causing offence. Being offended is not an argument.

I used to be really confident and happy but all I ever was invisible to guys because there was always another girl who caught their eye who was always more pretty than me or belong in the popular/cool crowd . Most people don't understand what it's like to be invisible or have nobody take an interest in you. Most people don't understand what it is like to social outsider kid who got builled a lot a school and didn't have friends. The friends I did have at school were not even that great

 

[Tackingintothewind]

@Tackingintothewind Actually I live in the UK people of colour are not numerous like in America or other countries that have a larger black population. In the UK black people make up 3% of the population, Asians 7%. These statistics came from the last complete census which was taken in 2011. We are currently awaiting the results of the new census which was taken last year. In the UK we have a census every 10 years.

Population of England and Wales

According to the 2021 Census, 81.7% of the population of England and Wales was white, 9.3% Asian, 4.0% black, 2.9% mixed and 2.1% from other ethnic groups.

www.ethnicity-facts-figures.service.gov.uk

I really hate it when people especially when women say to me online "oh your comments are insulting to women with brown eyes and black hair. " I want help for these feelings to stop because everyday it torments me so much. I don't want to be this way but it feels like nobody really understands.

I used to be really confident but being single and the invisible woman all my life has actually damaged my self esstem. Growing up as a teenager I was just invisible to guys even though i was naturally confident in talking, answering questions in class and publicly speaking in school assemblies. All I ever got was builled all time in school even though I did stand up for myself it would have been nice having someone look for me.

No guy was ever interested in knowing me even when I approached them there was always another girl who caught their eye who was always more pretty than me. In adulthood it still the same situation it always another girl they find attractive and I am just overlooked again and again. I can't take anymore, I just can't cope anymore. It has finally broken me after graduated university at 23 with no boyfriend my self esstem effectively broke down.

I was confident all my life but still being single in my mid 20s has really broken me.

Majority of women have had their first boyfriend as a teenager as this is the social norm. I had to go through never having a boyfriend in my teens and early 20s. No one really understands how isolating it is and eventually it messes you up. I am losing my sanity

When I see happy couples in public all I see everything I missed out in. Valentines day is the absolute worst.

When I turn 30 I plan to kill myself because I am not going through a another decade being single and struggling to navigate life. There multiple reasons why I want to die and I do believe it is the best option for me.

I really wanted to be normal and happy with a partner and a life with meaning. I realise now I just on my own with my problem because nobody really knows or even cares to help.
Everyone just judges, judges or criticises. I am just outsider amoung women.

I live in the uk too in a village of 600 people... and its surprisingly diverse for a remote village. We have more black people then we have blonds - that much is certain.

You might not want to hear that you insult women when you say what you say but you do. You cant expect people to want to help you after you have insulted them. It's not how it works.

I cant really help you with wanting to look attractive to men as I have done everything I can to make sure I am not and have done so for 15 years partly because of my assault and partly because I'm aro-ace which has its own problems.
That said people like someone who listens to them, and I'm not sure you are all that good at it... they like someone who is confident in themselves, who finds what they say interesting and funny, who likes to do the things that they like doing, looks will come into it to a certain degree, but blonds hardly get a free pass.

It seems to me you lost your confidence very young and you have experienced racism as a teen and have internalised it. Hair colour and eye colour are easily fixable today. Skin whitening does work to a certain extent, so please use these. White people use similar methods all the time to match their own beauty standards, so if these things will help your body confidence please do so. However please listen to other people when they tell you they feel insulted by you, especially here on a suicide website where you are not the only one who is vulnerable

Please see here for black people with natural blond hair, natural red hair and blue eyes. Do you think this would help you?

 

[FireFox]

Don't get obsessed about the product wrapping, it's about what's inside that counts.

@OldDrummer I really used to believe that once but when you constantly experience guys always rejecting you and choosing other prettier women over you then you realise looks are everything.

It's too late for me and I am pretty much in the final years of my life. I will ctb in my 30s as this is the best and only option for me.
There is absolutely no help for people with my problem/insecurity. If ever open up all I ever get nothing but sh*t from other women who lecture me about how my comments are "insulting to women with black hair and brown eyes " or "hurtful"
I dont even want to be this way but no one seems interested in trying to help me with this problem that has been troubling.
I now feel like I can't win anymore. I dont belong in this world and no one really understands.
Everyone sees me an inconvenience if I ever open up my feelings.
I was born in the wrong world. I will always be an outsider who will never belong.

 

[OldDrummer]

I was born in the wrong world. I will always be an outsider who will never belong.

*hugs* F*ck it, you don't need other people to validate you Queen.

 

[Messgram]

I'm pretty sure someone's ugliness has little to do with the color of their eyes and hair, but rather with the shape of their face and body. In fact, hair and eye color are the most subjective traits out there and I've never met a person who would call someone ugly because of that. Many countries in South America, including mine, there is a general preference for with brunettes/Black girls and I'm sure many also in North America.

 

[FireFox]

I live in the uk too in a village of 600 people... and its surprisingly diverse for a remote village. We have more black people then we have blonds - that much is certain.

You might not want to hear that you insult women when you say what you say but you do. You cant expect people to want to help you after you have insulted them. It's not how it works.

I cant really help you with wanting to look attractive to men as I have done everything I can to make sure I am not and have done so for 15 years partly because of my assault and partly because I'm aro-ace which has its own problems.
That said people like someone who listens to them, and I'm not sure you are all that good at it... they like someone who is confident in themselves, who finds what they say interesting and funny, who likes to do the things that they like doing, looks will come into it to a certain degree, but blonds hardly get a free pass.

It seems to me you lost your confidence very young and you have experienced racism as a teen and have internalised it. Hair colour and eye colour are easily fixable today. Skin whitening does work to a certain extent, so please use these. White people use similar methods all the time to match their own beauty standards, so if these things will help your body confidence please do so. However please listen to other people when they tell you they feel insulted by you, especially here on a suicide website where you are not the only one who is vulnerable

Please see here for black people with natural blond hair, natural red hair and blue eyes. Do you think this would help you?

"You might not want to hear that you insult women when you say what you say but you do. You cant expect people to want to help you after you have insulted them. It's not how it works."

Oh my god I am not insulting anyone this is how I genuinely feel about my own reflection. I wish I didn't have these thoughts 24/7.
Women are offended then they shouldn't respond to my posts then. Being offended is not an argument. These same women who are offended most likely never experienced insecurities so will find my posts offensive as it something they never seen before

"especially here on a suicide website where you are not the only one who is vulnerable"

I never claimed to be vulnerable

Just go away, just go away

I'm pretty sure someone's ugliness has little to do with the color of their eyes and hair, but rather with the shape of their face and body. In fact, hair and eye color are the most subjective traits out there and I've never met a person who would call someone ugly because of that. Many countries in South America, including mine, there is a general preference for with brunettes/Black girls and I'm sure many also in North America.

@Messgram I am naturally slim that is the only feature I like about my body. I feel like having brown eyes and black hair has ruined everything else. My weight is only perfect thing I have.