Venting I have to try even if it’s only me

[traingirl]

I feel like I don't have anyone in my corner anymore except my family. I only have one friend I talk to semi regularly and even they have been distant lately. No one is willing to come visit me or even text me to say they miss me but as soon as I do feel a burst of motivation and go out to see them it's "oh I missed you". Why didn't you say that before I had a gun in my mouth? Why didn't you come visit? I don't care that people have jobs and are busy if they wanted to, they would. No one calls me. I'm not in any special group chat like all my other friends are. I wish I could just disappear. I'm a 23 year old freak virgin with severe depression and ptsd who is so behind my peers. But I still have something in me that tells me to try before I give up. I'm gonna try. Even if no one fucking believes in me. I talk to my friends on this website more than my irl friends because they don't ever reach out. Fuck my "friends" who abandoned me at my lowest and don't ever make the effort to come see me. You were there when I was happy. You were there after my mom died. But where are you now when I am facing the worst depressive episode of my life? Am I too mopey for you? Too overbearing? Too annoying? Fine.

 

[U. A.]

Fairweather friends are most friends.
Spite them by doing it without their help. We are here.