I have set the date.

[Hydrangea]

10th April. I will rehearse the method a few times over next week.

The thing I am struggling the most, is leaving the people behind with my pain. I know they are strong, but I no longer wish to care for anything. I am so bloody tired of caring. I'm so selfish to feel this way, and I even told myself that I wouldn't leave before my parents left. But I can't do this anymore. I'm so fucking tired.

I want to no longer care. I have never felt more empowered by setting this date.

I'm so sorry for everything, and for everyone in my life. I am sorry for everything, Oliver. I am so sorry that I was your daughter, Mum and Dad. I love you all, in this world and others. This is my choice, and I'm sorry for everything.

I'm so sorry.

 

[fullofregrets]

I'm sorry for your suffering. How do you deal with the anxiety that you're leaving them? Everytime I see them, it makes me shake and panic. They have no clue on what I'm planning on.

 

[sharky]

I have no family so I don't know what that's like leaving anyone behind. That must be tough as hell. I hope you can still make a few good memories with them until your set date.

 

[Shu]

I'm sorry for your suffering. How do you deal with the anxiety that you're leaving them? Everytime I see them, it makes me shake and panic. They have no clue on what I'm planning on.

Same.. :(

 

[Hydrangea]

I'm sorry for your suffering. How do you deal with the anxiety that you're leaving them? Everytime I see them, it makes me shake and panic. They have no clue on what I'm planning on.

It definitely isn't easy. When I was speaking to my boyfriend earlier, he told me that he'd always be there for me even if he was worlds away. I burst into tears. He knows nothing of what I plan.

For me, I have to remind myself constantly of the peace afterwards if I succeed. There will be nothing to care about anymore. Whenever I've deluded myself into thinking about death and how I'm leaving, I feel overwhelmingly guilty yet somehow a little euphoric and dizzy because it will be reality soon. I don't really know how to explain it.

 

[fullofregrets]

It definitely isn't easy. When I was speaking to my boyfriend earlier, he told me that he'd always be there for me even if he was worlds away. I burst into tears. He knows nothing of what I plan.

For me, I have to remind myself constantly of the peace afterwards if I succeed. There will be nothing to care about anymore. Whenever I've deluded myself into thinking about death and how I'm leaving, I feel overwhelmingly guilty yet somehow a little euphoric and dizzy because it will be reality soon. I don't really know how to explain it.

It's heartbreaking to hear what your bf told and how much he cares for u.

I also seem to think of peace that comes afterwards. 20 minutes and all problems gone. But again paranoia gets the better of me and I tend to imagine all the worst case scenarios of failing and such although odds are in favour of succeeding. Do u fear it as well?

 

[VoidDesirer22]

It definitely isn't easy. When I was speaking to my boyfriend earlier, he told me that he'd always be there for me even if he was worlds away. I burst into tears. He knows nothing of what I plan.

For me, I have to remind myself constantly of the peace afterwards if I succeed. There will be nothing to care about anymore. Whenever I've deluded myself into thinking about death and how I'm leaving, I feel overwhelmingly guilty yet somehow a little euphoric and dizzy because it will be reality soon. I don't really know how to explain it.

The combination of a partner + family is a really difficult one.

I gladly don't have a partner currently, but there are 2 of my family members who I know will not recover fully from my passing.
It is gravely unfortunate. I cannot withstand the trauma of living any longer, so it has to be this way.

I am with you on focusing on the void that comes after. We will be eternally at rest.

My set date is also in April.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much and I understand that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. There is nothing selfish at all about suicide, of course it will hurt people, but we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing, it is our life and our decision. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Hydrangea]

It's heartbreaking to hear what your bf told and how much he cares for u.

I also seem to think of peace that comes afterwards. 20 minutes and all problems gone. But again paranoia gets the better of me and I tend to imagine all the worst case scenarios of failing and such although odds are in favour of succeeding. Do u fear it as well?

I am with you on the fear what would happen if it failed. I think I'd feel even more guilty and ashamed, more than anything.