beelzebul
(;´д`)ゞ
- Oct 10, 2023
- 123
I have two friends and they hate each other. They both hurt each other when they tried dating. Friend 1 cheated after feeling neglected and friend 2 had a reasonable reaction to it. Ultimately, words were exchanged and now friend 2 literally detests friend 1. F1 has had breakdown after breakdown due to the guilt and has tried numerous times to apologize. F1 doesn't expect forgiveness, but wanted to try to get closure for both of them (up until recently, F1 still had respect for F2 and wanted the best for them). F2 was not receptive to any kind of communication and doubled down on their absolute hatred of F1.
I couldn't bring myself to throw away nearly 15 years of friendship with F1 and it caused trouble between me and F2. F2 would say horrible things about F1 to me, like saying F1 should get raped, be killed, etc. I have fought with both of them over this. I've scolded the fuck out of F1 for cheating and saying hurtful things to F2, and I have told F2 that their hatred isn't healthy or rational anymore (but they are valid in not forgiving and feeling wronged).
It ended up in F2 unfriending me for a few years. They couldn't get over me being friends and hanging out with F1 after everything. I was accepting and understanding and wished them well. Aside from them saying "fuck you", we ended on a pretty okay note (it doesn't sound like it, but we did).
Years later, F1 had unmedicated behavioral disorders and said some hurtful things to me out of no where and blocked me. This lead to me attempting suicide last year. I left some cryptic messages on Facebook, so F2 reached out to me and we started talking again. I made it clear to them that I still love F1 and don't have any negative feelings towards them, so if that bothered F2, I would understand. They decided it wasn't a big enough issue for them.
F1 came back into my life months later. They were extremely apologetic and explained their disorders to me and how it influenced their decisions in blocking me and saying those things to me. I love them too much not to forgive them, so we are talking again. It's like we never had a falling out at all.
I told F2 right away. I wanted them to know that I was friends with F1 again, so they could make whatever decision they needed to. They decided that, while disappointed in me, it wasn't a deal breaker.
The issue I'm having now is that F2 will frequently bring up F1 and shit talk them. They have this idea of exactly what F1 is like and it is just not accurate at all. F2 thinks F1 is a life ruining, blood sucking, chronic liar and cheater. F1 isn't like that at all. I don't argue with F2 when they do this, I just ignore the subject and move on.
Sometimes it gets to be too much though. F2's hatred is so soul-crushingly extreme that I'm struggling to sympathize anymore. I have been cheated on numerous times, so I know how horrible it is. But this is insane to me. It has been YEARS since they even spoke to each other, but F2 acts like it was yesterday. F2 acts like F1 is still cheating on them, still being mean to them, still the person they were in the past. It's just not reality anymore. F2 is living in a fantasy world and F1 is the big bad villain. I'm tired of it. It's unhealthy and it's bringing me down too.
Somehow that isn't the absolute worst part. The worst part is that F2 has now shown that they will bring up my friendship with F1 to hurt me when we argue. It's happened once (today), but it left a shitty taste in my mouth. They admitted that the only reason they brought F1 up in our argument (unrelated to F1 at all) was because they knew it would fuck with me. It made me sick that they think it's okay to hold my friendship with F1 (who is totally changed) over me.
And I can't say anything about it, because F2 is SO volatile and in their head about F1 that anything I say will be read as me defending F1's past and as an attack on F2.
I am so fucking tired of F2's hatred. F1 cheated. It's terrible and they shouldn't have done it, but the reaction is disproportionate to the crime. They were together for a very short time and with hindsight, F2 has even said they didn't really have much in common. I get that F2 feels wronged and hurt, but it's so overwhelmingly blown out of proportion. And I'm fucking tired of hearing about it. I just want to scream at F2 to grow up and get over it, but I wouldn't be a good friend if I did that. F2 is valid in feeling hurt, so saying something like that is wrong, right???
I don't know what to do. I feel sick. I almost relapsed cutting today because of F2's pettiness. I kind of tried talking to this to F1, because I was desperate for anyone to vent to, but now I'm realizing that wasn't the right move. F1 had a visceral reaction to learning that F2 calls F1 something I didn't know was problematic for them and started to have what sounded like a panic attack or breakdown.
I had to step away from F1 at that point, because I was too overwhelmed. I wanted to vent about my feelings, but it turned into me having to be there for them instead (and admittedly, it was my fault it happened that way.) I just wanted to be comforted, not... having to comfort them. I didn't even get a chance to explain how fucked up I feel right now, or that I fought the urge to relapse, before F1 started all-capsing their feelings at me.
I'm just so tired of this. I want F2 to move the fuck on, but it's never gonna happen. I'm so tired I literally just want to cut and die lol
I couldn't bring myself to throw away nearly 15 years of friendship with F1 and it caused trouble between me and F2. F2 would say horrible things about F1 to me, like saying F1 should get raped, be killed, etc. I have fought with both of them over this. I've scolded the fuck out of F1 for cheating and saying hurtful things to F2, and I have told F2 that their hatred isn't healthy or rational anymore (but they are valid in not forgiving and feeling wronged).
It ended up in F2 unfriending me for a few years. They couldn't get over me being friends and hanging out with F1 after everything. I was accepting and understanding and wished them well. Aside from them saying "fuck you", we ended on a pretty okay note (it doesn't sound like it, but we did).
Years later, F1 had unmedicated behavioral disorders and said some hurtful things to me out of no where and blocked me. This lead to me attempting suicide last year. I left some cryptic messages on Facebook, so F2 reached out to me and we started talking again. I made it clear to them that I still love F1 and don't have any negative feelings towards them, so if that bothered F2, I would understand. They decided it wasn't a big enough issue for them.
F1 came back into my life months later. They were extremely apologetic and explained their disorders to me and how it influenced their decisions in blocking me and saying those things to me. I love them too much not to forgive them, so we are talking again. It's like we never had a falling out at all.
I told F2 right away. I wanted them to know that I was friends with F1 again, so they could make whatever decision they needed to. They decided that, while disappointed in me, it wasn't a deal breaker.
The issue I'm having now is that F2 will frequently bring up F1 and shit talk them. They have this idea of exactly what F1 is like and it is just not accurate at all. F2 thinks F1 is a life ruining, blood sucking, chronic liar and cheater. F1 isn't like that at all. I don't argue with F2 when they do this, I just ignore the subject and move on.
Sometimes it gets to be too much though. F2's hatred is so soul-crushingly extreme that I'm struggling to sympathize anymore. I have been cheated on numerous times, so I know how horrible it is. But this is insane to me. It has been YEARS since they even spoke to each other, but F2 acts like it was yesterday. F2 acts like F1 is still cheating on them, still being mean to them, still the person they were in the past. It's just not reality anymore. F2 is living in a fantasy world and F1 is the big bad villain. I'm tired of it. It's unhealthy and it's bringing me down too.
Somehow that isn't the absolute worst part. The worst part is that F2 has now shown that they will bring up my friendship with F1 to hurt me when we argue. It's happened once (today), but it left a shitty taste in my mouth. They admitted that the only reason they brought F1 up in our argument (unrelated to F1 at all) was because they knew it would fuck with me. It made me sick that they think it's okay to hold my friendship with F1 (who is totally changed) over me.
And I can't say anything about it, because F2 is SO volatile and in their head about F1 that anything I say will be read as me defending F1's past and as an attack on F2.
I am so fucking tired of F2's hatred. F1 cheated. It's terrible and they shouldn't have done it, but the reaction is disproportionate to the crime. They were together for a very short time and with hindsight, F2 has even said they didn't really have much in common. I get that F2 feels wronged and hurt, but it's so overwhelmingly blown out of proportion. And I'm fucking tired of hearing about it. I just want to scream at F2 to grow up and get over it, but I wouldn't be a good friend if I did that. F2 is valid in feeling hurt, so saying something like that is wrong, right???
I don't know what to do. I feel sick. I almost relapsed cutting today because of F2's pettiness. I kind of tried talking to this to F1, because I was desperate for anyone to vent to, but now I'm realizing that wasn't the right move. F1 had a visceral reaction to learning that F2 calls F1 something I didn't know was problematic for them and started to have what sounded like a panic attack or breakdown.
I had to step away from F1 at that point, because I was too overwhelmed. I wanted to vent about my feelings, but it turned into me having to be there for them instead (and admittedly, it was my fault it happened that way.) I just wanted to be comforted, not... having to comfort them. I didn't even get a chance to explain how fucked up I feel right now, or that I fought the urge to relapse, before F1 started all-capsing their feelings at me.
I'm just so tired of this. I want F2 to move the fuck on, but it's never gonna happen. I'm so tired I literally just want to cut and die lol