Venting I have no idea what I look like

[anastenka]

It sounds rather stupid in thought, but I really do struggle. I always see myself in mirrors and selfies and think, who the hell is that? I look morphed, genuinely ugly. LIke that's not me? it really can't be?? If it is then I'm jumping right now. But then I ask people to take photos of me and I look rather attractive, or at least better. I have had a partner in the past who used to voice he was insecure around me, because I looked better than him??? but I have never thought so, AT ALL. I can always see beauty in other people but myself, and it's making me lose it

 

[willitpass]

I also have that issue. It's called body dysmorphia (there is an actual body dysmorphia disorder, but no one can diagnose you with that other than your own doctor), in which you can't see yourself the way others do. Everytime I look in the mirror I see someone different. Sometimes I think I'm thin as a stick. Other times I'm convinced I'm obese. Very rarely do I see myself as I believe I truly look. My face never looks right. It's always changing. It's very off putting to not know your own self. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's a horrible thing to live through. If it's any consolation you aren't alone. I'm sorry you're suffering.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Same, I also have no idea what I look like. I genuinely could not tell you whether I'm pretty or ugly. When I look at photos of myself, none of them look like me. The person I see reflected back at me in the mirror is not a visual representation of myself, it's just some person I don't know or recognize. Probably doesn't help that because of my cycles of ED recovery and relapse, my weight is constantly fluctuating, sometimes drastically (I probably have like six different clothing sizes in my closet at any given time). The only photo that I recognize as myself is the one from pre-ED.

 

[TuttiFrutti]

I don't know what I look like either. My face seems to change multiple times throughout the day. It looks ugly to me most of the time either way, no matter what people tell me. I always want to hide.

 

[Alltheywanted]

I have the same problem. I even developed a fear of looking into the mirrors or my photos as it usually makes me suicidal for the days or weeks.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

No way! Thank you @willitpass and @TuttiFrutti I never realised BDD could cause you to see different all the time. I thought you just saw the same flaws. I can't work out if I'm skinny or obese or muscular or just generally big - and it changes on angle/activity/mirror. Makes no sense. Just avoid seeing and keep trying to do objective stuff like exercise and calorie counting to reassure myself.

 

[Shar]

in the mirror I look good, but in photos I look like loch ness monster