I have no idea if I'm going to it or not today, but I'm currently getting drunk on Sambuca on a bench next to the train line.

[SHThrowAway213]

I always say I'm going to do it, and I never do. But I have the opportunity to.
I tried jumping on Sunday, but couldn't do it and couldn't get drunk that day either.
Today I've decided if I do it, perfect then my hell is over.
If I don't do it, there is always another day, but by god I hope I do it.
Not gonna lie, I'm scared of dying, but it has to be done.
I'm being careful not to arouse suspicion.
I'm putting the sambuca in my bag whenever someone walks past.
Nothing can be done about the cyclists though, too fast to hide.
This bit of train line has problems with people and trains. Theres actually a sign for the samaritans at one of the level crossings close to the station.
And before anyone says it, I know that jumping on front of a train is a very selfish method as it involves the driver and completely fucks over the whole of the county train system.
But it is 1 of the 2 methods I have.
I've also been looking at a certain gore website over the last few days, their suicide section to see how other people do it and the aftermath.
Most of the trains on that website blast their horn.
I really hope I can do it, but I've disappointed myself so many times before.

 

[Ghost2211]

I hope you find a way to find the peace you desire. I'm sorry its all so difficult and complicated.

 

[_Kaira_]

Whatever has brought you to this decision, I hope whatever form of peace awaits you brings more justice than this world has been able to offer you.

 

[Dark Spring]

If it is true that perhaps the train tracks are not a good idea because of what they imply for other people, equally it is a decision that you must make, do not be mortified for not being able to do it or not encouraging yourself and fearing death, it is a difficult road. I hope that at some point you will find peace with what you decide to do, whether you jump or not. We will be here to accompany you in your process, don't feel bad, it's not easy for anyone to decide how and when CTB

 

[Spitfire]

Recently, I was on the tracks close by a moving train and the train blasted its horn for a long time past being gone.

 

[enuff]

wishing you peace and good luck friend - don't fuck it up. but i'd like to say a couple ideas: I would put the booze in a regular water bottle, that way you don't get open bottle in public problem, suspicion, sneers, arrested, that kind of shit. I sometimes do that with a frozen half- water bottle to keep my raspberry vodka cold. yum. second idea/suggestion is don't jump in front of the train, that makes a real mess. I thought about this too, 'cause the train tracks near my house. I would lay my neck on the track and the train would decapitate, less mess. like a guillotine. chop. ciao, ciao.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I'm sorry you're feeling like doing it again, I always like reading your posts. But the above post is right, pouring it in to a normal water bottle would help.

The train would definitely blare it's horn and start slowing if it sees something on the track. Always seemed like an appealingly quick and easy way to go but like you say, fucks up someone else who might be a well adjusted person, and causes a lot of delays etc.

 

[StateOfMind]

Recently, I was on the tracks close by a moving train and the train blasted its horn for a long time past being gone.

If you anticipate a horn it will be less of a surprise. Just don't move.

wishing you peace and good luck friend - don't fuck it up. but i'd like to say a couple ideas: I would put the booze in a regular water bottle, that way you don't get open bottle in public problem, suspicion, sneers, arrested, that kind of shit. I sometimes do that with a frozen half- water bottle to keep my raspberry vodka cold. yum. second idea/suggestion is don't jump in front of the train, that makes a real mess. I thought about this too, 'cause the train tracks near my house. I would lay my neck on the track and the train would decapitate, less mess. like a guillotine. chop. ciao, ciao.

If you can go with decap than hats off to you. I think I will be sticking with collision and blunt force trauma.

 

[Izukakun]

La forma más fácil es dejar la mente en blanco, combinado con el alcohol estoy seguro que si lo haces por impulso y no lo piensas lograrás tu objetivo, saludos desde colombia

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments.
Even if I don't do it today, I have to do it before the 1st of November.
That is when I have to start paying council tax on my old flat again.
My husband (separated) is refusing to help because he has to pay the electric and gas that is in his name, and his paypal credit account, that he got even when I said it was a very bad idea.
He said he can't afford to help, even though he did tell me he is getting 700 a month and I worked out his Bill's are around 400 a month.
He is also threatening to take out the electric and gas meters because he said he apparently can't afford to pay it.
But I know for a fact he hasn't cancelled his Amazon Prime, Netflix or WOW account.
And he also pre ordered the new WOW game, and a pair of £35 earphones around a week ago, and has still been ordering takeaways every couple of weeks.
I can't even confront him about this, as I found out by logging onto his email.
He unfortunately changed his password a few days ago so I can't keep checking it, even though I know it was very wrong of me to do it in the first place.

 

[Ghost2211]

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments.
Even if I don't do it today, I have to do it before the 1st of November.
That is when I have to start paying council tax on my old flat again.
My husband (separated) is refusing to help because he has to pay the electric and gas that is in his name, and his paypal credit account, that he got even when I said it was a very bad idea.
He said he can't afford to help, even though he did tell me he is getting 700 a month and I worked out his Bill's are around 400 a month.
He is also threatening to take out the electric and gas meters because he said he apparently can't afford to pay it.
But I know for a fact he hasn't cancelled his Amazon Prime, Netflix or WOW account.
And he also pre ordered the new WOW game, and a pair of £35 earphones around a week ago, and has still been ordering takeaways every couple of weeks.
I can't even confront him about this, as I found out by logging onto his email.
He unfortunately changed his password a few days ago so I can't keep checking it, even though I know it was very wrong of me to do it in the first place.

It's awful he is being so cold and selfish. Amazing how people can go from loving us to treating us like trash. My heart goes out to you. I can imagine how trapped and hopeless this all feels.

 

[TheQ22]

I think you should go home, have a hot bath and relax a bit.

I really don't think you want to do this, do you? You're just feeling in a bad place right now.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

It's awful he is being so cold and selfish. Amazing how people can go from loving us to treating us like trash. My heart goes out to you. I can imagine how trapped and hopeless this all feels.

Definitely feel trapped.
Luckily he lost his key so he can't have the meters removed anyway.
If the meters get removed the flat would be impossible to sell, and because I'm the one paying the mortgage as he refuses to help, I could be paying it for years.
Luckily the bank said I could put a standing order in so he is responsible for half and I'm responsible for half.
So that is what I'm going to do of he removes the meters and I'm still alive.

 

[Spitfire]

If you anticipate a horn it will be less of a surprise. Just don't move.

It was definitely a suprise. I don't think I ever even heard the brakes (no time)? I held the thumbs up symbol after turning around and off the tracks.

A lot of potential force is behind a train when it gets moving. 'cow pushers', As a means to push away animals and debris from off the tracks is a possible deterrent?

Probably just in case.. be careful of cow pusher things sometimes which are bolted onto the fronts of trains.

Have you looked for, or seen any of those? I hope you feel better.

 

[TheSomebody]

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments.
Even if I don't do it today, I have to do it before the 1st of November.
That is when I have to start paying council tax on my old flat again.
My husband (separated) is refusing to help because he has to pay the electric and gas that is in his name, and his paypal credit account, that he got even when I said it was a very bad idea.
He said he can't afford to help, even though he did tell me he is getting 700 a month and I worked out his Bill's are around 400 a month.
He is also threatening to take out the electric and gas meters because he said he apparently can't afford to pay it.
But I know for a fact he hasn't cancelled his Amazon Prime, Netflix or WOW account.
And he also pre ordered the new WOW game, and a pair of £35 earphones around a week ago, and has still been ordering takeaways every couple of weeks.
I can't even confront him about this, as I found out by logging onto his email.
He unfortunately changed his password a few days ago so I can't keep checking it, even though I know it was very wrong of me to do it in the first place.

He values his fun and comfort more than your basic needs. Unfortunately most people are like that.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I think you should go home, have a hot bath and relax a bit.

I really don't think you want to do this, do you? You're just feeling in a bad place right now.

I think you posted that on one of my other posts too.
I have been trying to kill myself since I was 12, Im 25 now.
It is either I could not get over my survival instinct, I couldn't pass out while hanging, or I got stopped.
Once, my husband back in January threw away my SN.
I have had so much trouble actually managing to finish the job, but I have to do it sooner or later.

 

[whywere]

We all love you here and want what is best for you whatever that is. Peace and alot of love to you my great sanctioned suicide global family member.

 

[StateOfMind]

It was definitely a suprise. I don't think I ever even heard the brakes (no time)? I held the thumbs up symbol after turning around and off the tracks.

A lot of potential force is behind a train when it gets moving. 'cow pushers', As a means to push away animals and debris from off the tracks is a possible deterrent?

Probably just in case.. be careful of cow pusher things sometimes which are bolted onto the fronts of trains.

Have you looked for, or seen any of those? I hope you feel better.

Done allot of trainspotting and have specific a train in mind. No cow pushers lol. It should work I'm certain just need overcome SI and jump.

 

[Spitfire]

Done allot of trainspotting and have specific a train in mind. No cow pushers lol. It should work I'm certain just need overcome SI and jump.

I imagine finding the right spot to do it is important. I believe, I have got this figured out now if it was ever so desired, sadly or not?

 

[262653]

Recently, I was on the tracks close by a moving train and the train blasted its horn for a long time past being gone.

Oh, I remember those sounds quite well. So damn annoying. And that vibration when standing near the train... I'd have to be really desperate for this method.

Done allot of trainspotting and have specific a train in mind. No cow pushers lol. It should work I'm certain just need overcome SI and jump.

I'm not sure if it's a wise idea to jump before train, the aftermath sounds not predictable enough. Wouldn't lying on the track with the neck on the rails be more reliable? I've seen some suicides by train in India, their necks were squashed, and heads lying somewhere nearby. If SI wouldn't be a problem, I would probably be considering train as my primary method.

 

[Silver]

Hope you are OK @SHThrowAway213 . If you didn't attempt, I hope you enjoyed your sambuca lol.

 

[StateOfMind]

Oh, I remember those sounds quite well. So damn annoying. And that vibration when standing near the train... I'd have to be really desperate for this method.


I'm not sure if it's a wise idea to jump before train, the aftermath sounds not predictable enough. Wouldn't lying on the track with the neck on the rails be more reliable? I've seen some suicides by train in India, their necks were squashed, and heads lying somewhere nearby. If SI wouldn't be a problem, I would probably be considering train as my primary method.

Decap nah. If you move you might loose limbs I think collision with a fast train will suffice.

 

[262653]

Decap nah. If you move you might loose limbs I think collision with a fast train will suffice.

Oh, I think I misspoke. I mean lying with the neck on the track, while the rest of the body is outside the track. But I'd be vary of cow catchers/pushers, they seem to vary in forms, so I'm not sure which of them are compatible with this method.

 

[StateOfMind]

Oh, I think I misspoke. I mean lying with the neck on the track, while the rest of the body is outside the track. But I'd be vary of cow catchers/pushers, they seem to vary in forms, so I'm not sure which of them are compatible with this method.

No probs. I know what you meant. I'm saying if you go for decap and move you could have some limbs removed instead of head.