I have no current plans to end my life.

[Zzzzz]

Although every day I wish for death in some form , I don't have a strict method or date set, because it has never worked for me before. Instead I'm going to live as if my life will continue for a very long time, but keep my mind open to any opportunity for ctb when and if it comes along. I was a fool, I had an opportunity years ago, where I knew I could overcome SI. It was the only time in my life where I know I could have done it, despite having many near attempts, but I "chose" not to. I can do nothing about the past now. But I am hoping for another opportunity in the near future. Whatever happens, I feel like I will always desire non existence constantly. There is absolutely no hope I have for a truly happy future. Survival? Yes. Wonderful happiness? No. How am I supposed to NOT think about death 24/7? I also feel I have suffered enough in life. I do not want to continue to suffer in life when I could be free from all suffering. Just getting by feels very soul-crushing and much crueler than death to me.

 

[waitingforrest]

I feel that too. SI is such a powerful thing that most of us are passively suicidal. Even if I was given a button to ctb right away, I still would hesitate to press it. Even though my life was and still is shit, I still feel hesitant.

Sometimes I look back on my past attempts and wonder if it was better if it was successful or that living on x months didn't change anything.

I sometimes wonder why people continue to go despite the pain life causes, after all, death will happen at some point. For me at least, it's the fear of oblivion, and ironically the oblivion I desire.

I wish life didn't have suffering in the first place, I'm sorry that you are suffering and that there is no escape other than death. I hope that it might get less painful, but I'm just being idealistic now.

 

[FuneralCry]

It seems as though many of us are brought into this world just to suffer, it can be dreadful living a painful existence. More than anything I wish suicide was easier. I know that it can be hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I wish you the best.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

There is absolutely no hope I have for a truly happy future. Survival? Yes. Wonderful happiness? No. How am I supposed to NOT think about death 24/7? I also feel I have suffered enough in life. I do not want to continue to suffer in life when I could be free from all suffering. Just getting by feels very soul-crushing and much crueler than death to me.

I feel the same. SI is tricky. Might I ask what it was that made you so confident you could overcome it? What made you choose not to in that moment?

 

[Zzzzz]

I feel the same. SI is tricky. Might I ask what it was that made you so confident you could overcome it? What made you choose not to in that moment?

I thought my suffering , which was severe, and my circumstances, which were desperate and grim, combined with my relatively strong will and no desire to keep going consciously would be enough. In short, I underestimated how strong SI is. Even most holocaust victims wouldn't choose to end their own lives. SI is a horrific curse that has forced upon us. In the moment, it just didn't feel right. I have absolutely no logical explanation for why I would feel that way, especially considering how much I've suffered in life and what little I have to look forward to.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I thought my suffering , which was severe, and my circumstances, which were desperate and grim, combined with my relatively strong will and no desire to keep going consciously would be enough. In short, I underestimated how strong SI is. Even most holocaust victims wouldn't choose to end their own lives. SI is a horrific curse that has forced upon us. In the moment, it just didn't feel right. I have absolutely no logical explanation for why I would feel that way.

I gotcha. Honestly I feel like a lot of the pain in life is that we want there to be a logical explanation to everything, but there just isn't. Nothing really makes any sense.

 

[Zzzzz]

I gotcha. Honestly I feel like a lot of the pain in life is that we want there to be a logical explanation to everything, but there just isn't. Nothing really makes any sense.

I suppose that's true. But I think humans are hard wired that way. Such pain seems unavoidable. But still, animals suffer considerably and they don't have a desire for everything to make sense.

 

[ikadasui]

Ya know, as much as I want to just be dead my life is too comfortable currently for me to do it. I don't think I'll ever be able to without any impulse of some kind; a shockwave or powder keg to go off to finally get my ass in gear to finish it. I own the gun and ammunition to do so, so it's not like it's a matter of not having a method I can leave at anytime. When my friend groups finally crumble I see that as a catalyst, losing my job would also be one or when I have to move out of my moms house that will also be one. I have three lines that if any one of them go up I'll be pulling the trigger soon after. Till then I've just accepted I'll be slogging alone in pure misery trying to find comfort wherever I can

 

[Snake of Eden]

Me neither. I am less agitated to go even though suffering is still there. Some aspects improved little but I am also bored and still as lost to what to do

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

This sounds just like me. I had everything within reach to go a long time ago and then just decided to push it into the background because it was ready whenever. And then nearly a decade has passed since then and only lately have I tried to revisit how I ended up there in the first place. I understand the feeling of needing a catalyst and that's basically what I'm waiting for at this time, something to convince me that trudging forward hollowly is actually worse than giving up.

 

[Noctis]

I sometimes wonder why people continue to go despite the pain life causes, after all, death will happen at some point. For me at least, it's the fear of oblivion, and ironically the oblivion I desire.

For me, it is 100% because of the people I'll leave behind. I feel like I'm finally ready to end it without any hesitation or regret, except for the few people who would be devastated. I'm still here solely because I can't do that to them.

 

[Seiko]

SI is such a powerful thing that most of us are passively suicidal.

Passively suicidal sums it up better than I ever can.

 

[FuCrpsPain]

My kids are the only reason for my existence. I don't want them to blame themselves. I also don't want to burden family with the aftermath.
But at the same time I feel like all those are just excuses because in some sick way I must deserve what I'm going thru. Everyday I think of ways that I could exit this life and hopefully one day I will, I just don't want to harm others I care about when I do, if that is even possible.

 

[Zzzzz]

My kids are the only reason for my existence. I don't want them to blame themselves. I also don't want to burden family with the aftermath.
But at the same time I feel like all those are just excuses because in some sick way I must deserve what I'm going thru. Everyday I think of ways that I could exit this life and hopefully one day I will, I just don't want to harm others I care about when I do, if that is even possible.

I think death will unfortunately always cause some pain to those who love us or we love. Regardless of whether it's suicide or not. Suicide might cause other problems but when someone is suffering unbearably. What else can they do. People can only handle so much pain in life before they break and end it all.

 

[FuCrpsPain]

I think death will unfortunately always cause some pain to those who love us or we love. Regardless of whether it's suicide or not. Suicide might cause other problems but when someone is suffering unbearably. What else can they do. People can only handle so much pain in life before they break and end it all.

I agree there will be some sort of pain my family feels when I die, I just want to give them as many memories of me that I can. I wish they would only remember the good stuff but I'm sure there will be more memories of my pain than the good stuff. I've come to my breaking point before, I almost stepped over the edge, someday I will. This is all just too much.