nux_walpurgis
Me, my whispers and a broken God
- Oct 18, 2023
- 187
This is a bit all over the place, I just need to vent
In two days I am traveling to my hometown to spend Christmas with my family.
The previous days/weeks I was feeling so excited about going back, despite not having a good relationship with my parents, I have missed my siblings terribly, and I love them to bits. But the last few days uni lessons stopped for holidays and the exams are over and I am alone in my apartment, with nothing to do.
I thought I would enjoy those last days before the trip, getting to rest after the exams and all. But I feel so empty. All my excitement is gone. I feel anxious about the holidays, the festive dinners, the foods (I have an ed). I am already stressing about things that are going to happen months later, (such as more exams, labs etc) instead of focusing on now.
I have lost my interest in all my passions and hobbies (this has been going on for months). I loved reading and writing since I was a little kid, and now both are a chore. I am terrified I will never get my desire to read and write back.
I am afraid that I will not enjoy the time I will spend with my siblings because of my stupid anxiety.
I feel like I have no purpose, like my life is meaningless. My mind cannot retain knowloedge from what I am studying in uni. I just pass the exams and then everything evaporates. I don't know what to do. I feel so so so tired mentally. I don't know why, Nothing justifies this tiredness I feel. Sometimes I feel like I want to go to sleep and sleep indefinately. I don't know what I am doing here, in this earth I mean, in this life. Sometimes my own existence feels foreign to me.
In two days I am traveling to my hometown to spend Christmas with my family.
The previous days/weeks I was feeling so excited about going back, despite not having a good relationship with my parents, I have missed my siblings terribly, and I love them to bits. But the last few days uni lessons stopped for holidays and the exams are over and I am alone in my apartment, with nothing to do.
I thought I would enjoy those last days before the trip, getting to rest after the exams and all. But I feel so empty. All my excitement is gone. I feel anxious about the holidays, the festive dinners, the foods (I have an ed). I am already stressing about things that are going to happen months later, (such as more exams, labs etc) instead of focusing on now.
I have lost my interest in all my passions and hobbies (this has been going on for months). I loved reading and writing since I was a little kid, and now both are a chore. I am terrified I will never get my desire to read and write back.
I am afraid that I will not enjoy the time I will spend with my siblings because of my stupid anxiety.
I feel like I have no purpose, like my life is meaningless. My mind cannot retain knowloedge from what I am studying in uni. I just pass the exams and then everything evaporates. I don't know what to do. I feel so so so tired mentally. I don't know why, Nothing justifies this tiredness I feel. Sometimes I feel like I want to go to sleep and sleep indefinately. I don't know what I am doing here, in this earth I mean, in this life. Sometimes my own existence feels foreign to me.
