As mentioned in the title of this thread, I am experiencing strong feelings of guilt after having placed my order of Sodium Nitrite. I feel that I should be striving to overcome the difficulties in my life and to grow positively from them in order to turn my life around. At the same time however, acute suicidality has accompanied me my entire life and with excruciating psychic pain especially in recent years due to an upheaval in my life and my resistance towards adapting to my current realiy. I sense that this sense of guilt will accompany me as I gather the other tools and medications I need to CTB (my first time using this acronym). I get the feeling that I am dedicating resources, especially financial resources, towards ending my life as opposed to investing it towards possible new, beautiful experiences in the future (I intend to travel to Rome in May to spend time with my partner). I somehow just want to be sure of the possibility of an exit. I have never been able to commit to anything in my life, and now I find that I can't commit to life either, that it is unbearable...This is my first time posting in a forum in my life. "Fortunately", I live in a country where every medication needed for the procedure is easily accessibile...
Last edited:
