I have finally decided how am I going to die

[FireFox]

People in my life do not understand how much getting married means to me. I am scared of being alone after my mum and grandmother die because my relatives do not care about me its painful to learn this as I grow older.

The lockdown has showed me if you don't have a family society doesn't care about you and will leave you behind. That made me realise slowly I want a family of my own. If my relatives were nice people and made feel me like a part of the family I wouldn't feel this excessive need to belong and fit in. My relatives don't appreciate family members who help them with all their problems and constantly get away with treating family members as disposable when they are no longer convenient. Growing up I became aware of how my relatives treat people especially my mum and grandmother and as a result I grew up never feeling like a part of the family.

Even relatives I once loved and cared about turned out to be a major disappointment. There was a relative I used to be so close too she was my favourite because she was fun to hang around. When one her adult kids died suddenly from a heart attack she became a verybitter and mean person. Family members who enjoy themselves she hates them for it and make them suffer for iit even during happier times like Christmas

For me SN poisoning is how I plan to go out, once i obtain some. I will never be good enough for any man I love.and I don't want to be alone in this world. People tell me there is a better man out there for me but how do they know when I have never been wanted nor loved by a man. All I have ever known is rejection and humiliation from men I loved so such

 

[Griever]

 

[derekWest]

Have you try matrimonial agency ?

 

[DivineSpark]

For me it is train. There are no high buildings in my city. Getting firearms with mental illness background is almost impossible. I dont trust overdosing methods.

 

[bankai]

Dating is a numbers game. And the right match is all about chemistry. The right person is there for everyone out there. But finding them is going to be tough. You're going to have to date 8 out of 10 people that won't be right for you, which makes it really difficult. When you eventually come across the right person, they are also going to view you as the right person as well since The chemistry will be that good. Like anything, relationships are hard work. If your disillusioned by the few you've met, you have to keep meeting new people.Of course it's going to be really hard and statistically you're going to meet more people that you're not right for. Eventually, you'll meet the right person. But why not try? Exhaust your options as much as possible.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

Dating is a numbers game. And the right match is all about chemistry. The right person is there for everyone out there. But finding them is going to be tough. You're going to have to date 8 out of 10 people that won't be right for you, which makes it really difficult. When you eventually come across the right person, they are also going to view you as the right person as well since The chemistry will be that good. Like anything, relationships are hard work. If your disillusioned by the few you've met, you have to keep meeting new people.Of course it's going to be really hard and statistically you're going to meet more people that you're not right for. Eventually, you'll meet the right person. But why not try? Exhaust your options as much as possible.

Dating is not as simple as a numbers game. That's only if you don't have much trauma. If you have extreme trauma or anxiety issues, there is most likely isn't anyone out there that will be right for you.
Not saying this to be mean. Most people wouldn't want someone in their life with every waking minute having an anxiety attack. Having to miss work maybe to take care of someone with issues? Yeah they may be able to tolerate it for a month. But years and years on? No.
Only a relative or a parent will have that type of unconditional love.

 

[bankai]

Dating is not as simple as a numbers game. That's only if you don't have much trauma. If you have extreme trauma or anxiety issues, there is most likely isn't anyone out there that will be right for you.
Not saying this to be mean. Most people wouldn't want someone in their life with every waking minute having an anxiety attack. Having to miss work maybe to take care of someone with issues? Yeah they may be able to tolerate it for a month. But years and years on? No.
Only a relative or a parent will have that type of unconditional love.

I'm single myself, I don't want to burden anyone with my issues.I was just trying to give OP some motivation as it seems to be very important to them. Me personally, I don't date 'cause I have enough things to worry about. In a relationship, you're not only shouldering the other person's burdens,they're shouldering yours.

That being said, OP wants to rather catch the bus than be alone. So in her case, it's better to exhaust every option. If you have met dozens of people and it's still not working out, then fine. Do what you feel you need to do.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No one knows for sure that you'll meet a good match. No one can say you won't either (including you.) It's likely based on so many things- being open to the opportunity, putting yourself in social situations to meet people and a large amount of luck.

It depends more on whether you're willing to put yourself through that for the chance of meeting someone. 3 of my closer friends have found partners, 2 of us haven't.

There's also the faint possibility that you will grow up to want a partner less. In my 20's and 30's, I was desperate to be in love. Now, I'm glad I'm alone and, I appreciate my independence. That might happen for you or, it might not. Kind of impossible to tell at this stage. Ultimately though, it's down to you though, day to day, whether you think it's worth sticking around for.

One thing though- seeing as I feel reasonably familiar with your past. When that awful older guy you worked with turned out to be an arsehole- at the time, you likely felt like you'd never care for someone again. But then, you did meet that other guy. I know that didn't work out either but it proves at least that there are more than one or two people you could grow to care deeply for.

Each time I went through my crazy limerent crushes, I hated the thought of 'loving' someone new or, 'getting over them' but, in each case, I did. Things change, life moves on. It can take many years sometimes but, it happens (in my experience.)

Really, it's just hoping for that good fortune that you find someone mutually caring about you. I do truly hope that happens for you. Ultimately though, it's you who has to decide whether it's worth risking and holding on for.

 

[Dejected 55]

The whole "numbers game" thing has always depressed me. As a guy, we generally are told that unless we are super handsome or rich or famous, we might have to ask out 1000 girls to get 10 dates and maybe 1-2 of those dates lead to at least a short-term relationship or multiple dates. That is horrible.

And relationships shouldn't be like shopping. I don't give a crap about things. I buy the best thing at the best price and I'm willing to shop around to get that, but I'm not emotionally invested in a thing. I'm not looking for warmth and love and acceptance from a thing. I'm not going to confide in and trust and love a thing.

Rejection is fine. I mean it sucks, but it's life. You can be rejected for any reason and no one really owes you an explanation. From my perspective if I ask a girl out she owes me nothing but a response, and that response can just be "no."

But when you're always rejected unless it's a blind date... and you never get a second date... and you're told that women decide in the first minute of meeting you whether they will ever be interested in you... and all the crazy crap about how you're supposed to act or be in order to "make" someone interested in you... and then it just never happens.

Then you look around and all the people who are doing the things that everyone says are the things you are supposed to do... at least half of those relationships fail and people fail repeatedly and people lie and cheat in relationships and hurt each other along the way out of selfishness and negligence... basically even the people who "succeed" aren't really finding anyone either, not for long anyway.

So rare are the people who meet and fall in love and have a lifelong relationship and family.

Everything just sucks.