And I am tired, the older I get, the more I fell that I've been unhappy all my life, like all good things in life were never meant to me, love, happiness, connection, no, this is not for you; like I'm not a human at all, I'm just a thing, with a function; when I was younger I had this fear of caterpillars (that ones with fur that burns you, dont know the english name), and my parents planted a huge passion fruit tree in front of my house, and there were lots of this type of caterpillars there, and I had to pass underneath they everyday, they just didnt care, i was afraid of heights, and my dad pit me to work on construction with him, had to climb all kind of tall places; when i was 9 years old, i wrote a letter to the girl i loved, telling i liked her, she torn the letter into preces and threw on my face, in front of all my friends, when my parents knew about this, they told all their friends, and laughed; I am a ugly, weird (and probably autistic) man, all my love attempts were received with rejection, like my love was offensive. My fears dont matter, my love is offensive, I dont know how to talk, how to connect with people. And I cant ctb because I have people who depends on me (some of them of put me in this situation). Because thats what i'm, just thing, with a function, and has long i exist, its okay, unfortunately for this thing it have a heart bigger than the world inside him.
tl;dr: i have existed for too long, I have been alone for too long, and i dont know for how much more time i can exist like this, because i'm not living, just existing. I'm tired.
tl;dr: i have existed for too long, I have been alone for too long, and i dont know for how much more time i can exist like this, because i'm not living, just existing. I'm tired.
