I have everything I ever wanted, still want to die (venting or some)

[spectraltease]

I got pretty much everything. Everything I ever wanted, really.
I escaped my parents, got my own apartment, a good hobby and a nice girlfriend but I still wanna die so bad. Its funny how I had written down, what a loser I am for not having a gf and thought it would make me very happy. She makes me really happy and I love her so fucking much but just when I can be with her and see her Im happy but when im alone again I just wanna die. She dosent know about this side of me.
I never told her that I wanna die or my story.
But its not important either.
Im too tired for everything, sometimes the dates with her are very exhausting but its just because of me. Im just too tired of breathing and existence. Im dont wanna sleep, I dont wanna wake up, I want just to be dead.
My existence means nothing, just nothing.
I just wanna commit but of course I cant.
Just wanted to vent, idk.

 

[No longer suicidal😁]

Feel free to vent man, we all here share similar feelings in one way or another.

 

[spectraltease]

Feel free to vent man, we all here share similar feelings in one way or another.

Always feel like it, that nobody cares but thank you.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least to me non existence would always be preferable to any kind of life, and I could never want to exist no matter what, your feelings are understandable. I hate just being aware of this world and it certainly is a tiring thing. There is no point to this unnecessary existence, it would be so ideal if we had the ability to just choose to never wake again.

 

[byebyered]

I felt the same way with my boyfriend. I love him so much , I was only happy when I was around him(Ik it's wrong being codependent blah blah). When I was alone I wallowed in self pity crying about how much I hated myself. I made the mistake of telling him how I felt , that I was only happy around him , how much I hate myself , that I love him more then myself & that I always think about suicide. Yeahhhh…don't do that. Don't tell her that side of you.

 

[spectraltease]

I felt the same way with my boyfriend. I love him so much , I was only happy when I was around him(Ik it's wrong being codependent blah blah). When I was alone I wallowed in self pity crying about how much I hated myself. I made the mistake of telling him how I felt , that I was only happy around him , how much I hate myself , that I love him more then myself & that I always think about suicide. Yeahhhh…don't do that. Don't tell her that side of you.

Yes I wont, it is always difficult for a normal person to understand, even if she wants it. I don't want to be a weirdo for her because I know she's normal and would think that. Im sorry that your boyfriend doesn't really help you.

I felt the same way with my boyfriend. I love him so much , I was only happy when I was around him(Ik it's wrong being codependent blah blah). When I was alone I wallowed in self pity crying about how much I hated myself. I made the mistake of telling him how I felt , that I was only happy around him , how much I hate myself , that I love him more then myself & that I always think about suicide. Yeahhhh…don't do that. Don't tell her that side of you.

Yeah I feel that. I love her more than my own, I mean its not hard because I hate myself too but still. Sometimes I think "You dont know how much I love you" lol

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I feel the same way. I have the world and more (a wife, a house, a pet, well paying job, also escaped my parents) but I still want to die. Depression doesn't discriminate. :/

 

[StruggleWithin]

I made the mistake of trying to explain to my Ex about my SI. I second that "Yeahhhh," don't say anything. My Ex wound up feeling like a heel in the relationship because she was unable to be or inspire a reason to live. They, normies, don't get our struggles.

 

[Doom]

if you want to die, it's because you don't have everything you want. You describe your relationship as exhausting. What if it wasn't exhausting? What if your life wasn't so tiring? you definitely wouldn't want to die. Clearly you don't have everything you want. I'm not trying to be pro life or trying to change your mind, It just don't make sense when someone says they have everything and still be unhappy.

 

[spectraltease]

if you want to die, it's because you don't have everything you want. You describe your relationship as exhausting. What if it wasn't exhausting? What if your life wasn't so tiring? you definitely wouldn't want to die. Clearly you don't have everything you want. I'm not trying to be pro life or trying to change your mind, It just don't make sense when someone says they have everything and still be unhappy.

Yes, I understand you and I agree. I dont have everything but I always thought this would be the key to a happy life. I have everything I ever dreamed of but it dosent make me happy, so its not everything.

 

[Doom]

Yes, I understand you and I agree. I dont have everything but I always thought this would be the key to a happy life. I have everything I ever dreamed of but it dosent make me happy, so its not everything.

that's my fear, fighting until my dreams are fulfilled, only to discover it wasn't what I needed to be happy

 

[spectraltease]

that's my fear, fighting until my dreams are fulfilled, only to discover it wasn't what I needed to be happy

Yeah, thats what it is.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

How long have you felt this way? Is there anything in particular that brings it on or is it a sort of general depression? Personal questions I know so feel free not to answer.
It just sounds to me like you have some things that are worth fighting for. I don't know of course, this is just my opinion, but were I in your position, I think I'd be trying to beat this thing. I'd like to think maybe you can.
I could be very wrong, and I mean no offence whatsoever. I hope things work out for you whatever way you go.

 

[Tried-tireD]

I've always wondered how people who got what they wanted would feel in the end. In my case I've come to realise that even if I did get a partner, I wouldn't feel satisfied in the long run and just lead to more intense pain. Yet I still craved it badly.
It really is a harsh reality when even having everything we want doesn't protect us. I may not understand completely but I can certainly tell how painful it can be

 

[byebyered]

Yes I wont, it is always difficult for a normal person to understand, even if she wants it. I don't want to be a weirdo for her because I know she's normal and would think that. Im sorry that your boyfriend doesn't really help you.

Yeah I feel that. I love her more than my own, I mean its not hard because I hate myself too but still. Sometimes I think "You dont know how much I love you" lol

Oh no he put a lot of effort trying to help me but I pushed him away because…at the time I thought that I was such a burden that he was better off without me. I was so blinded by my own selfish negative thoughts that I couldn't see clearly that someone actually gave a fuck , saw past my issues , & truly loved and cared about me. & I ruined that. He's my ex now.

 

[Indomie89]

I've wondered if, after having everything I've always wanted I feel the same. Often times, my suicidal thoughts come heavily when I'm alone. When I'm around people I feel connected to, most of the time my suicidal thoughts disappear. Then the second I'm by myself, here they are. I wonder if I had what I've always wanted, if I'd feel the same. I also realize no one can babysit me. That it's not fair for me to put my life in someone's hand, even of they would gladly hold it. I can't wait until I'm gone.