Venting I have been thinking of killing myself 6

[human123]

Hi, this is my first time posting here. I am 18f and I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I actually tried to end things 3 times when I was a kid, the first time I was 11 and I tried to freeze myself and overdose, but I was found, the second time i tried to hang myself, but the thing wasnt strong enough, and the third time I was 12 and I was going to jump off a highway bridge but took a wrong turn and was found.

I have been in therapy for most of my life and have been to many different therapists. I have also been to mental hospitals 3 times, but they just made it worse. after the third time I went to the mental hospital, i was so scared to go back that I was determined to get better. I tried faking it till I make it for about 6 years, but I still want to die.

I am scared about the way the world is going, I'm scared about being put back in a mental hospital, I think it would be easier if I just stopped existing. I want my pain to end. I dont want to hurt anymore, but when i was a kid, I was always told that suicide was bad. I dont want to hurt my loved ones, but I've tried everything. I even reached out to an online depression support group and all I got was someone trying to convert me to their religion (I'm an atheist)

In 174 days, August 31, I'll be in college, and my college is about an hour's walk from a toll bridge 59 feet above a river. I will buy a 50 foot rope and one end ill make a noose, and on the other end i'll tie it to the bridge and put the noose around my neck and jump off. I wasn't sure if jumping alone into the river and drowning would 100% kill me, and I heard with hanging from a drop that much (after the tying it might be around 45ish feet of rope) my head might come straight off, and if that doesn't work, ill still drown. if anyone is reading this, will it work?

Fell free to say whatever in the comments.

 

[Charmander07]

i hope you're able to find peace, your situation sounds horrible and despite how tempting it is to say 'don't give up' I understand you probably feel it's past that.

One thing I will say tho, this could be my physics brain being silly, but I have a strong feeling that method won't work and if it does work it will be very painful and scary. But yeah sorry for the negative message, I hope you can be happy or at least at peace one day

 

[human123]

i hope you're able to find peace, your situation sounds horrible and despite how tempting it is to say 'don't give up' I understand you probably feel it's past that.

One thing I will say tho, this could be my physics brain being silly, but I have a strong feeling that method won't work and if it does work it will be very painful and scary. But yeah sorry for the negative message, I hope you can be happy or at least at peace one day

Thank you. Would just jumping and drowning be better? also is me wanting to die ok?

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Thank you. Would just jumping and drowning be better? also is me wanting to die ok?t me, no, it's not OK. You're too young and you hehe you're whole beautiful life ahead of yo

If you're asking me, no it's not okay. You're way too young to make such a drastic decision and end such a beautiful young life.But I understand the desire to end whatever pain that you're going through

 

[Charmander07]

Thank you. Would just jumping and drowning be better? also is me wanting to die ok?

You're not wrong for wanting to die, so many people here feel similar yet different ways to you, you're not alone. However, please make sure it's a last resort, make sure you've done everything you possibly can, im sure there might be another way around it. Personally, I'm not very knowledgeable on methods so maybe confirm with someone else besides me, but I just personally think that drowning isn't the nicest way to go especially when SI kicks in. Someone else please correct me if I'm wrong.

If there's anything you need to vent abt or u js want someone to talk to my DM's are open (tho idk how they work ngl )

 

[human123]

You're not wrong for wanting to die, so many people here feel similar yet different ways to you, you're not alone. However, please make sure it's a last resort, make sure you've done everything you possibly can, im sure there might be another way around it. Personally, I'm not very knowledgeable on methods so maybe confirm with someone else besides me, but I just personally think that drowning isn't the nicest way to go especially when SI kicks in. Someone else please correct me if I'm wrong.

If there's anything you need to vent abt or u js want someone to talk to my DM's are open (tho idk how they work ngl )

Thank you, I would dm you, but my account is too new. well I'm waiting like 6 months, so is that long enough to make sure it is a last resort?

If you're asking me, no it's not okay. You're way too young to make such a drastic decision and end such a beautiful young life.But I understand the desire to end whatever pain that you're going through

I have had these thoughts for years though. I know I do have a life ahead of me, but it really wouldn't matter if I'm dead

 

[Charmander07]

Thank you, I would dm you, but my account is too new. well I'm waiting like 6 months, so is that long enough to make sure it is a last resort?

If you want, you don't have to but if there's any social media I don't mind adding you there if you're comfortable. I think 6 months is a long time, I would spend the next 6 months rlly trying your best to enjoy the time you have left and really think if this is what you want to do

 

[human123]

If you want, you don't have to but if there's any social media I don't mind adding you there if you're comfortable. I think 6 months is a long time, I would spend the next 6 months rlly trying your best to enjoy the time you have left and really think if this is what you want to do

Telegram?

 

[Charmander07]

Telegram?

I just made an account, idk how this works nor how to add people

 

[human123]

I just made an account, idk how this works nor how to add people

At the bottom right there should be a blue button with a plus. enter @ShoukoTheFinci1 and i should pop up. if not try Shouko The Finci. ill answer tomorrow because I need to go to bed. school is early

 

[carfemtanyl]

is there a specific reason why you feel this way or are you just in a deep hole?

 

[myattempt]

Hi, this is my first time posting here. I am 18f and I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I actually tried to end things 3 times when I was a kid, the first time I was 11 and I tried to freeze myself and overdose, but I was found, the second time i tried to hang myself, but the thing wasnt strong enough, and the third time I was 12 and I was going to jump off a highway bridge but took a wrong turn and was found.

I have been in therapy for most of my life and have been to many different therapists. I have also been to mental hospitals 3 times, but they just made it worse. after the third time I went to the mental hospital, i was so scared to go back that I was determined to get better. I tried faking it till I make it for about 6 years, but I still want to die.

I am scared about the way the world is going, I'm scared about being put back in a mental hospital, I think it would be easier if I just stopped existing. I want my pain to end. I dont want to hurt anymore, but when i was a kid, I was always told that suicide was bad. I dont want to hurt my loved ones, but I've tried everything. I even reached out to an online depression support group and all I got was someone trying to convert me to their religion (I'm an atheist)

In 174 days, August 31, I'll be in college, and my college is about an hour's walk from a toll bridge 59 feet above a river. I will buy a 50 foot rope and one end ill make a noose, and on the other end i'll tie it to the bridge and put the noose around my neck and jump off. I wasn't sure if jumping alone into the river and drowning would 100% kill me, and I heard with hanging from a drop that much (after the tying it might be around 45ish feet of rope) my head might come straight off, and if that doesn't work, ill still drown. if anyone is reading this, will it work?

Fell free to say whatever in the comments.

I'm 18 f too from the uk and every single thing I do and every step I take I'm scared to go back to the mental hospital (I've been sectioned twice)

And as for Ur question a drop hang usually breaks your neck but at that height I'm not sure (wouldn't someone try to cut the rope if ur trying this in public)-seems like too many variables that could go wrong tbh

59ft is not a tall bridge ( I posted a thread recently and someone said it needs to be much higher for ctb) -i plan on ctb by jumping from a cliff in the uk (beachy head) around 500ft at the highest point