Venting i have an amazing life and yet i still feel suicidal and guilty

[00ps]

it feels like i was given life on a golden platter for the most part
i have my BA for college paid by my family, i have my HRT paid by my parents, i have a living and wonderful boyfriend, i have something that i'd want to do in the future

and yet, i dont fucking want to live
and it's not even just a passive 'i don't want to live' it's a grueling, frustrating, consuming desire. it's a daily occurance. i have the rope and i have a tree and i have the plan and i have everything and yet i feel so much guilt and anxiety

i also feel wrong? like i shouldn't be suicidal or kill myself because i have a perfect life??
and genuinely the worst parts of my life are the depression, the anxiety, the adhd, the gender dysphoria, and the stress of being trans in the US rn (honestly just being in the US is enough). like boo hoo, that's fucking nothing. i have so many fucking privileges and benefits in my life and i'm spitting in its face and killing myself

and it sucks because i know it's going to destroy my entire family and my partner and his family
i know it will

i just have so many things that i can't get over and there's so many feelings and i don't know how to get over them

if suicide was socially acceptable and available and lower in complications than hanging i'd do it in a heartbeat
i just don't know what to do
how do i deal with this
how do i get past that guilt
how do i get past not feeling like im 'worthy' of killing my self
how do i get past the worries and anxieties

it's hella late and i just don't even know how to formulate thoughts at this point
im just putting it out there because i just don't know what to do with these feelings

 

[ilovecats1]

i feel like this as well. im a trans woman from turkey and i have a supportive family and everything and just graduated uni. i just feel so guilty thinking about it because i feel like my possiblity of never saving for srs or a slim chance of me losing access to hrt is just an excuse for me to finally do it. i spend most of my time here or daydreaming about the day i do it in every minute detail.

 

[00ps]

i feel like this as well. im a trans woman from turkey and i have a supportive family and everything and just graduated uni. i just feel so guilty thinking about it because i feel like my possiblity of never saving for srs or a slim chance of me losing access to hrt is just an excuse for me to finally do it. i spend most of my time here or daydreaming about the day i do it in every minute detail.

i'm so glad im not alone in feeling like this thank you so much for sharing
i think if im denied HRT at any point i think that'll be my 100% tipping point too

 

[ilovecats1]

i'm so glad im not alone in feeling like this thank you so much for sharing
i think if im denied HRT at any point i think that'll be my 100% tipping point too

yeah same i always have that in mind. also i have increasingly bad bottom dysphoria these days while being hopeless for srs which is kinda my main reason for wanting to ctb

 

[00ps]

yeah same i always have that in mind. also i have increasingly bad bottom dysphoria these days while being hopeless for srs which is kinda my main reason for wanting to ctb

it's rough with dysphoria, especially because the surgeries are so expensive
i wish us both the best of luck and hope we find peace either way

 

[Forveleth]

the depression, the anxiety, the adhd, the gender dysphoria, and the stress of being trans in the US rn (honestly just being in the US is enough). like boo hoo, that's fucking nothing.

Just because you are not poverty stricken or in an abusive situation does not mean these things are not valid concerns for you. The cause of each person's mental distress is unique to them and comparing to someone else is an exercise in frustration. So accept that your struggles are what they are and that makes them valid for you.

i just have so many things that i can't get over and there's so many feelings and i don't know how to get over them...
it's hella late and i just don't even know how to formulate thoughts at this point
im just putting it out there because i just don't know what to do with these feelings

Are you in therapy? Do you have a professional you can talk to?

 

[00ps]

Just because you are not poverty stricken or in an abusive situation does not mean these things are not valid concerns for you. The cause of each person's mental distress is unique to them and comparing to someone else is an exercise in frustration. So accept that your struggles are what they are and that makes them valid for you.


Are you in therapy? Do you have a professional you can talk to?

thank you i feel like i needed to hear that

unfortunately, i don't have anyone right now. i did for a bit but then it ended because it was short term