Venting I have a confession

[guineapiglover8503]

Occasionally (once every one or two weeks) I look at footage such as aftermath of people who have CTB. I usually imagine myself in those scenarios and imagine how much it may have hurt and if I could do it. I now sometimes when I see myself in the mirror imagine shooting myself in the head or just collapsing from an aneurysm. I hope this isn't too weird

 

[AbyssalAlien]

It isnt. I believe a lot of us would venture into sites like best***e and specifically find suicide videos, such as hanging, falling, shooting, and overdose. Naturally we are curious what WE will look like when we do it.

 

[ctbsd24]

Yeahhhh I admit I've looked at various hanging videos. It's really for educational purposes so I know what to expect.

 

[PI3.14]

I used to do this but I stopped long time ago.

I guess I stopped after I thought "What if this person wouldn't have liked us seeing them in such state?"

If I ever end up CTBing, I don't want people to see me do it and make comments about it. To CTB is to be in a state of vulnerability. It's translated into someone who has lost in life. I don't want people to know that I lost in life, especially not thousands of them.

 

[AbyssalAlien]

I used to do this but I stopped long time ago.

I guess I stopped after I thought "What if this person wouldn't have liked us seeing them in such state?"

If I ever end up CTBing, I don't want people to see me do it and make comments about it. To CTB is to be in a state of vulnerability. It's translated into someone who has lost in life. I don't want people to know that I lost in life, especially not thousands of them.

I can relate to this. I dont want my body found for years. My dream is to die in a meadow under a moonlit night with an endless horizon with no one around for miles. If my body is ever found, I want it to be just bones remaining.

 

[ctbsd24]

I can relate to this. I dont want my body found for years. My dream is to die in a meadow under a moonlit night with an endless horizon with no one around for miles. If my body is ever found, I want it to be just bones remaining.

Same. I've gone back and forth on that. But I'm leaning toward just hanging deep in nature somewhere where I won't be discovered for years, if ever.

 

[lonergirl_26]

Don't worry I do that to! Also a fellow guinea pig lover!!

 

[gnarly]

I am the same way. Don't worry

 

[maniac116]

I used to watch them long ago but can no longer watch others who are disfigured or suffering.

 

[tezw]

But each of us *loses* at life, none of us gets out a winner do we ??, death being the final destination whether by our own hand or otherwise, none of us wins per se, we will just return to the soil like the many before us, i too have looked up some hanging footage and pics available on google images, some of what I have seen has seriously rocked me to my core, the bloated corpses esp, and I can take a lot, it smacks of desperation, I wish them peace, and in some way am envious that they already crossed over, in whatever it is that awaits us upon dying, at least they suffer no longer.

 

[nomoredolor]

I've watched some too because I'm curious about methods and what it was like to die for when I ctb. I analyze each method and consider likelihood of it working, how much I will suffer, what it will be like for the person(s) who find me and logistics.

the videos that I know someone taped so other people would watch I didn't feel so bad about watching. But the ones where I wasn't sure I felt icky and gross after. I also attended some death investigation classes where I saw suicide photos in my state as part of case files. Shotgun was the worst.

 

[AbyssalAlien]

I've watched some too because I'm curious about methods and what it was like to die for when I ctb. I analyze each method and consider likelihood of it working, how much I will suffer, what it will be like for the person(s) who find me and logistics.

the videos that I know someone taped so other people would watch I didn't feel so bad about watching. But the ones where I wasn't sure I felt icky and gross after. I also attended some death investigation classes where I saw suicide photos in my state as part of case files. Shotgun was the worst.

The survivors of shotgun method lowkey made me extremely paranoid about how sinister the universe is to make even THAT fail and just leave your face as a canvas of gore and pain....and still conscious.

To me? It was as if the universe itself said to these people, "Oh I'll give you something to be suicidal about"....

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

Many hours of sleep lost to imagination. It's normal. As normal as imagining yourself dying can be.

I am the same way. Don't worry

With that pfp maybe she should be worried lmao. Love it