Venting I have a chance to CTB next week, brain is firing on all cylinders trying to keep me alive.

[kopebaldy]

So family will go on a vacation next week, I have the house for myself for almost the entire week. There won't be a better chance than this.

My heart is beating so fast since hearing the news and my brain keeps talking me out of it.

I hate how coward and indecisive I am, this is the one chance to solve the problem once and for all and I'm afraid I might pussy out, again. I was so determined, why the fuck am I afraid now?

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

So family will go on a vacation next week, I have the house for myself for almost the entire week. There won't be a better chance than this.

My heart is beating so fast since hearing the news and my brain keeps talking me out of it.

I hate how coward and indecisive I am, this is the one chance to solve the problem once and for all and I'm afraid I might pussy out, again. I was so determined, why the fuck am I afraid now?

You're not a coward, it makes me sad when people beat themselves up over SI. It's in our biology, to the cellular level. To overcome SI is extremely difficult and it's not your fault for being afraid. I can't stop you if you CTB but please think twice. If there is any part of you that can't fully commit to this choice then it's not your destiny.