Venting planning to ctb next week

[ihateittoo]

next week, july 6th, will be my 19th birthday and i am planning to ctb then. i have a plan that i dont want to fully lay out here, but theres a chance i chicken out. if SI kicks in and i dont go through ill post an update.

im tired of being so ugly, i cant stand living looking the way i do. there isnt anything ill ever be able to do to change that. i feel sorry for my family, and my bandmates but i have to do this. I have had this on my mind for almost all my life. i know im probably never gonna find love and it really kills me. it gets so lonely spending all this time in my room. people look at me funny on the streets and it never gets any easier. it kills me to know that ill never get to "date around" and meet people at parties like normal college students. most people seem to find me physically repulsive. i feel like an eyesore that my friends must be embaressed to be around. im ready to ctb.

thank you all for providing some community in the time leading up to this.

 

[ZurgLein]

Bruh
I know the feeling.
but...

what if you wouldn't do it?
At least not yet.

You said you have a group of friends, which also puts you above the average in terms of social skills on this forum.


Have you ever heard of casinos doing free rolls? think of college as one of it. it's one of the biggest powerspike in many peoples lives. Life/fate whatever in theory can wind up someone for ya, but not if you CTB too early.

can't you just give life a tiny bit more chance? wouldn't it be just an inch more satisfying to know you did all?

 

[ihateittoo]

You said you have a group of friends, which also puts you above the average in terms of social skills on this forum.


Have you ever heard of casinos doing free rolls? think of college as one of it. it's one of the biggest powerspike in many peoples lives. Life/fate whatever in theory can wind up someone for ya, but not if you CTB too early.

can't you just give life a tiny bit more chance? wouldn't it be just an inch more satisfying to know you did all?

I certainly have a good group of friends and a lot lined up for me. it all just ends up feeling worthless if im ugly. i feel like appearance really is everything when it comes to social interactions. i feel like im worth so much less than all my peers.