I hate when people tell suicidal people to “just talk to someone”

[ts0hill]

When I see people online or irl talk about suicidal thoughts people always say go talk to your friends and family about it PleASe ReaCH OuT!! etc…
It's funny because they don't even want to talk to you about it.

But who are we suppose to talk to exactly? I won't talk to family about it and most friends because they will want to put me in the ward. I've had these thoughts for years and I've only felt comfortable talking to ONE person in my life about it who also suffers because they understand.

Also you always hear the same people say let's end the stigma of suicide while in the same breath saying suicide is never a way out. How are you ending the stigma by saying people shouldn't decide to end their own lives?! Lol

Ugh.

 

[fiasco]

Ikr? It's not like the problems are magically going to disappear either

 

[universe]

Indeed this idea of "talking" that would solve or improve things is a decoy. When you talk about these thoughts to your family / friends, there is a 100% chance that people will say: it's just a little depressed, don't think about it anymore. Or that there is worse in life: wars, famines, starving children. They will SYSTEMATICALLY invalidate your feelings. Unless the person you're talking to is also suicidal.
Then there are the people who are not going to react: I told some people that I was planning to make an attempt before the end of the year and they keep talking to me about 2023/2024, I don't know why. Denial can be.

And then even what would be the use of talking? Once the person knows, how will that help us? Nothing at all, it will just be one more person who knows the problem and we will feel ashamed, defrosted and even more like a nobody.

In fact, they want suicidal people to accept their outstretched hand so they feel less guilty for having done nothing to save us. It's purely selfish. Obviously the suicidal one day spoke about their suffering. Except they stopped doing it and were left alone because people invalidated their feelings. To say "talk about it, this will solve the problem" is a bit of an insult to our intelligence.

 

[ts0hill]

Indeed this idea of "talking" that would solve or improve things is a decoy. When you talk about these thoughts to your family / friends, there is a 100% chance that people will say: it's just a little depressed, don't think about it anymore. Or that there is worse in life: wars, famines, starving children. They will SYSTEMATICALLY invalidate your feelings. Unless the person you're talking to is also suicidal.
Then there are the people who are not going to react: I told some people that I was planning to make an attempt before the end of the year and they keep talking to me about 2023/2024, I don't know why. Denial can be.

And then even what would be the use of talking? Once the person knows, how will that help us? Nothing at all, it will just be one more person who knows the problem and we will feel ashamed, defrosted and even more like a nobody.

True. That's another valid point. I was thinking today actually how basically friends and family have invalidated my pain my whole life. My dad said to me at least you have never had depression like "insert family member we both know". That's only because I hide my pain very well and do not express my pain how others do but I have no quality of life. I think this is why it's hard to tell if people are suffering since people "carry" it differently. It's just so annoying when people make statements about your pain assuming things. I also remember this older guy saying a long time a long time ago when I was like 17 "you never been raped or anything tho like what this person went through" when we were talking about traumatic events. Why was he assuming I never been raped or assaulted or had a traumatic event like that? It hurt and felt so invalidating I never forgot about it. I hate when people assume these things about others. it's one of the most annoying things ever.

And yes. I hate when people compare suicide saying at least you haven't been to war or something. It's not good or wise to compare pain

 

[Darkover]

yeah you can't even talk about sucidie on the ward because the staff tell you shut up

 

[lifeisadream]

It is incredibly distressing that people don't attempt to listen when you've been brave enough in the outside world to reach out to someone & you attempt to say how you feel. Conversations get shut down, you're told essentially to suck it up or your thoughts & feelings are invalidated. Worse still you get the generic stock phrases thrown at you such as "you've got so much to offer the world" or "x person is dealing with far worse than you & look at them, they're coping". Everyone is unique & so is their pain. If we do tell a medical professional everything in our head which is making us hurt so badly to the point of ending it then it's hello psych ward with an endless supply of pills. Sometimes people can't be "fixed" because they genuinely believe there's nothing to live for. No one should be chastised for feeling suicidal, those feelings are very real.

 

[Pluto]

I can say I've learned a lot from my years on this 'illegal' website. It's clear that 99% of people don't have competent or effective ways of dealing with suicidal people and it is tragic that they can lose loved ones due to sheer ignorance. This is where society's taboos and attempts at dismissing this issue backfire.

In turn, it is an error for suicidal people to assume that because family (etc.) are important people in our lives, that they will have anything to offer beyond the same old invalidation and faux positivity. And in some cases, they are a part of the problem to start with, but we don't even notice because we don't have any external reference point.

I've observed three possible things that can be appropriate for a suicidal person depending on the situation, but please feel free to contradict me:
1) To be heard and to allow feelings to be expressed; presumably the individual would have some cathartic release and feel clearer afterwards
2) To have genuine solutions to problems or alternative pathways presented
3) Safe method information when all else has failed, and yet such a person may still be venting by showing that they are serious and it's hard to tell

 

[AQUA]

I'm sorry you keep having this frustrating experience whenever you open up to someone .

To be fair to them, I don't think it's easy to comfort someone in the heat of the moment, especially when you can't relate to them much.
Don't take it personally, friend. In my experience, they only say these things because they've heard these little (unhelpful) comments from tv dialogue and movies but haven't been corrected on what's realistically practical and not just sounds helpful.
Coming from someone who is persistently suicidal, I don't think it's entirely obvious what helps when I'm feeling that way, but if you know how they can help you, maybe you could tell them how? e.g. "I'm feeling really shit today. Can you listen to me, please? I need to get something off my chest.".
I know it sounds heartbreaking, but at least it will help them the next time they're talking to you or someone else in a crisis ​

 

[ts0hill]

I'm sorry you keep having this frustrating experience whenever you open up to someone .

To be fair to them, I don't think it's easy to comfort someone in the heat of the moment, especially when you can't relate to them much.
Don't take it personally, friend. In my experience, they only say these things because they've heard these little (unhelpful) comments from tv dialogue and movies but haven't been corrected on what's realistically practical and not just sounds helpful.
Coming from someone who is persistently suicidal, I don't think it's entirely obvious what helps when I'm feeling that way, but if you know how they can help you, maybe you could tell them how? e.g. "I'm feeling really shit today. Can you listen to me, please? I need to get something off my chest.".
I know it sounds heartbreaking, but at least it will help them the next time they're talking to you or someone else in a crisis ​

I don't really care to seek comfort or talk to people because it doesn't help. I realize people are ignorant. I am just venting in general about things people say to suicidal people or in general. I don't see how that's unfair to them to say

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally find the types of people who are against suicide to be irritating, people say you should talk to someone but talking helps nothing anyway, it doesn't take away why people are suicidal in the first place and would likely just make things worse (especially if the person being talked to is not suicidal in any way) and others can never really understand as they are not living our lives. I mean other suicidal people may be respectful if they are going through something similar themselves but the chance of having our feelings invalidated is always there.

But to me it's disturbing for someone to say that 'suicide is never a way out'. These people just want to force others to suffer and prolong their misery. Why should they have a say in others personal decisions, they are not living that persons life. Suicide can be the more rational solution to prevent unnecessary problems, there are an unlimited amount of ways in which life can torture people after all. I think that to be against suicide in any way the person must be incredibly deluded and ignorant, as there is no value in suffering.

 

[disabledlife]

Me too, I had the right to be told that I have to talk to someone about it, my family, my friends, my association (association that I hate now), etc.

Since then, I spoke about it regularly, just to relieve myself, not to feel alone. There was no threat, just my plan to leave, but sometimes I needed to talk about when I had a setback, deteriorating health, unbearable suffering... and about this CTb project or benefit from a VAD in Switzerland.

But this advice cost me dearly, because I was blocked, rejected, treated as a manipulator, aggressive, toxic person,... I was lynched by many members of my High IQ association.

Then, a person, who is particularly influential, in the association, and manipulative (as the others say), like "influencer", told all the other members of the association, who are in his friends, to to have been very happy to have blocked toxic, manipulative, aggressive people, who were going around in circles.

And yet I did nothing to her, I had already kept my distance from her, I never spoke to her, knowing her character precisely, other members had told me to be wary of her, but it manages important functions in the association.

I should have shut up, stayed isolated, away from people.

So from what I've been through, I'm still in shock. You should never talk about CTB or wanting to die by VAD or euthanasia, otherwise it will end badly. Thankfully this forum still exists. Even Exit International does not accept people under 50, and very rarely the youngest when they are apparently visibly at the end of their life.

Life is a prison, the only way to leave is to escape, discreetly, alone or with other people who could help with the escape, or who also want to escape.

What I hope is that once dead, I will never sell on Earth, that I will never reincarnate, on a similar life or even a worse life than the one I had. I no longer wish to live, even healthier, rich, etc. I've wasted too much of my time in this life.

 

[Hirokami]

Last time I talked about it with my mom and she threatened to call the authorities on me unless I agree to go to therapy. I talked about it with friends and they threw whataboutisms at me and other platitudes. Talked about it to significant others and they got upset with me; one even told me that I should just keep it all in as she wanted "good vibes only". The same one even told me, "You're suicidal? What else is new?"

In other words, every time I reached out I was told to shut up in many different ways. Not a single person cared to give me a genuinely empathetic ear. To "reach out" is to simply listen to the platitudes and pretend to be cured afterwards.

 

[Hercules]

If you have a relative or friend that you are very close to, and you feel that you can trust them, you can talk to them about the reason why you are suicidal without telling them you are suicidal. If you can get to the root of the problem, someone may be able to give you practical advice on how you can get help in your situation.

It doesn't seem fair to keep telling your family that you want to kill yourself and expecting them to help you without also telling them what the reason is and what they can do to help you. Sometimes people can be very dense, and you literally have spell out for them what kind of help you need. It's not always true that they don't help you because they don't care about you. Sometimes they want to help, but they don't know how to.

 

[NoWayOut22]

After my recent SN attempt i got the usual heres the crisis number if you need a talk.

it really irritates the shit out of me when people say that.

like some idiot who i dont know is going to cure my pain over a phone.

 

[Alayna]

YES.

A story (tangential to the conversation so far but very relevant - a case to consider, not a hijack. I wish to supplement, not replace):

At UCT, during the height of student protests, the uni used to say "we're here for you", "speak to one of our professionals" and all the usual shit. Except of course they weren't here for us, and good luck with those professionals. Most of the students had lost the institution's trust when it fired rubber bullets and teargas at them, had some arrested. And now it was telling them to speak to a councilor under its employ? Oh right, and for money unless they'd jumped through all sorts of hoops? Money which most, being actual working class people struggling through an institution designed for the middle-classes, had no dream of affording? And all for an anodyne conversation with someone who had no idea what was going on?

There were suicides by the semester. Every month or two. I remember the dour lights of an ambulance as they came to clear away someone who'd jumped off our residence's roof. The smattering of distasteful phones, the glazey gazes of remembered mortality. I remember envying her her lift to the morgue. Like, so viscerally. God. It never even occurred to me that I could speak to someone, because what would I say? "Why are you doing this to us?" Because how could you trust reaching out to some of the very people who are making your life such misery? Because who the fuck do you talk to when there're guns on campus? Do you talk to a gun?

This is far, far, far too brief a sketch, because I still need to work out how to tell this story, and yes - biased by the limitations of memory (memory doesn't easily forget the inside of a holding cell). Also I've conspicuously avoided the racial aspects to all this which were VERY significant, bc I haven't sussed out SS enough on these issues to calculate whether it would be productive. But this is a story I thought needed to at least peep in here.

I guess my point is, there can be many reasons for our antipathy towards this just talk attitude, in many contexts. Fear of admission is one, and one I've intimately experienced. A sense of the futility of the process too. But there're others. Not sharing a language or cultural background with the people you're supposed confiding in, sinking their ability to relate to you; not affording the services of anyone capable of actually helping; fear that your words are going to land you on trial. There are so many reasons to mistrust professionals.

What it often comes down to, then, is this: do you "just talk to" your enemy?

 

[ts0hill]

If you have a relative or friend that you are very close to, and you feel that you can trust them, you can talk to them about the reason why you are suicidal without telling them you are suicidal. If you can get to the root of the problem, someone may be able to give you practical advice on how you can get help in your situation.

It doesn't seem fair to keep telling your family that you want to kill yourself and expecting them to help you without also telling them what the reason is and what they can do to help you. Sometimes people can be very dense, and you literally have spell out for them what kind of help you need. It's not always true that they don't help you because they don't care about you. Sometimes they want to help, but they don't know how to.

You didn't read what I wrote. I have never told my family that I wanted to kill myself or hardly ever talk to them or anyone about my issues. I would rather talk to a friend or therapist but I haven't found it helps much unless they have been suicidal. What was saying is when I was replying to someone in the comments is the times when I have talked to friends or family and mentioned I'm not doing well they have said something invalidating without knowing any information. This is why I try not to assume things about others anymore because you never really know what's going on in their life.


The worst is when doctors don't take you seriously Like I had to go to the ER because of my physical pain and they just brush you off. That happens often with people

 

[makethepainstop]

When I see people online or irl talk about suicidal thoughts people always say go talk to your friends and family about it PleASe ReaCH OuT!! etc…
It's funny because they don't even want to talk to you about it.

But who are we suppose to talk to exactly? I won't talk to family about it and most friends because they will want to put me in the ward. I've had these thoughts for years and I've only felt comfortable talking to ONE person in my life about it who also suffers because they understand.

Also you always hear the same people say let's end the stigma of suicide while in the same breath saying suicide is never a way out. How are you ending the stigma by saying people shouldn't decide to end their own lives?! Lol

Ugh.

When I hear that,"Talk to someone." BS I'd love to grab em by their collar with one hand and start head punching them with the other. Then when the get off the floor and say to me, "Why did you attack me"? I'd tell them you said I should talk to someone right? "So I decided to let my fists do the talking!" Bet that scenario who for ever shut them the hell up. For normals suicidal thoughts and ideations are just so easy to handle. When in truth a little more than talking is needed.

 

[Forest Fire]

A couple of years ago i had this woman romantically interested in me at work. She'd had a pretty horrible life and was very open to me about it. I told her nothing about me but she could tell i had a load of stuff going on and was trying to get me to open up. I told her she might regret asking if i did tell her.
She kept saying to me i could tell her anything and there's nothing i could say to scare her away, she even gave me her diary to read to prove i could trust her.
I ended up telling her one mid-level traumatic experience that i'd had, that i have suicidal thoughts every day and had planned how i would do it etc
She'd usually come and get me to go on break but she didn't that day. I realised later on she'd blocked me on social media and she quit her job within a couple of days.
The last mental health professional i spoke to had less emotional control than me, i was genuinely embarrassed for her. Did the questionnaire where they ask how often you suffer from certain things, said i have suicidal thoughts daily but no plan to act on them. Got asked if i take drugs and i said i smoke cannabis in the evening to get some nightmare free sleep. She went hysterical and said she was concerned i was an immediate threat to myself and i needed to contact my doctor asap. She would contact them later and if she found out i hadn't rang them then the situation would escalate from there. This was peak covid era and i was on hold for over an hour just to tell the receptionist to ignore the woman who rings up later and that im ok.
A couple of people i have told have responded as well as they could have, but they never know what to say (which i don't blame them for). Anyone else has reacted similar to the woman at work. here today gone tomorrow.
I do get some temporary relief from dumping my thoughts on other people but then i feel like shit because these people then either remove themselves from my life or i make them depressed as they don't have any way to help me.
Funnily enough i bumped into someone today and when i asked them how they were they told me that everyday is a battle to not ctb and that their life is broken beyond repair. When we said goodbye i said to her that she can contact me anytime or if she wants to meet up and talk to me about anything then she can. i didn't use the phrase "reach out" but i may as well have. If she was on here she'd probably be criticising me in this thread haha
Sorry for the long post and going slightly off topic

 

[ts0hill]

A couple of years ago i had this woman romantically interested in me at work. She'd had a pretty horrible life and was very open to me about it. I told her nothing about me but she could tell i had a load of stuff going on and was trying to get me to open up. I told her she might regret asking if i did tell her.
She kept saying to me i could tell her anything and there's nothing i could say to scare her away, she even gave me her diary to read to prove i could trust her.
I ended up telling her one mid-level traumatic experience that i'd had, that i have suicidal thoughts every day and had planned how i would do it etc
She'd usually come and get me to go on break but she didn't that day. I realised later on she'd blocked me on social media and she quit her job within a couple of days.
The last mental health professional i spoke to had less emotional control than me, i was genuinely embarrassed for her. Did the questionnaire where they ask how often you suffer from certain things, said i have suicidal thoughts daily but no plan to act on them. Got asked if i take drugs and i said i smoke cannabis in the evening to get some nightmare free sleep. She went hysterical and said she was concerned i was an immediate threat to myself and i needed to contact my doctor asap. She would contact them later and if she found out i hadn't rang them then the situation would escalate from there. This was peak covid era and i was on hold for over an hour just to tell the receptionist to ignore the woman who rings up later and that im ok.
A couple of people i have told have responded as well as they could have, but they never know what to say (which i don't blame them for). Anyone else has reacted similar to the woman at work. here today gone tomorrow.
I do get some temporary relief from dumping my thoughts on other people but then i feel like shit because these people then either remove themselves from my life or i make them depressed as they don't have any way to help me.
Funnily enough i bumped into someone today and when i asked them how they were they told me that everyday is a battle to not ctb and that their life is broken beyond repair. When we said goodbye i said to her that she can contact me anytime or if she wants to meet up and talk to me about anything then she can. i didn't use the phrase "reach out" but i may as well have. If she was on here she'd probably be criticising me in this thread haha
Sorry for the long post and going slightly off topic

Damn. That's so wild what happened with your co worker. Like what..
Did you ever talk to her again ? Sorry that happened.
I've had someone once delete me from chat on this site actually after we had some deep talks about cbt for a few weeks. They also said they want to be on chat with me if i was going todo it. One day tho they said "hey man" or something and I told them I was actually a woman. We had never told each other our genders or anything before. After I said that tho they left the conversation and never heard from them again. Maybe they didn't feel comfortable talking about cbt if i was a woman or something. It was werid but I let it go. My point is sometimes People can just stop talking to you for the weirdest reasons and there is no explanation. Only they know the reason. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It seems kinda rude in a way what they did it's hard to know what was going on in their mind too.

I am also shocked at the mental health professional..like wow.. you think they have seen it all. I think some are afraid of liability issues.

And yeah I know what you mean by that. It never ends well. It's true there are people out there to talk to but only if they have experienced real suicidal thoughts or are non judgmental which is rare.
And yeah. When you tell a happy person about cbt thoughts it kinda feels like you are hurting them or weighing them down.

I think btw you telling her she can reach out to you tho is much better than telling her to just call the hotline or "a trusted person". I don't think you did anything wrong with this because if she did reach out you won't judge or tell her she can't make her decision.

 

[SamTam33]

I tried to tell my mom recently and it's like she knew what I was trying to say and kept cutting me off and not letting me get it out. She knew.

But no one really wants to hear our shit. It's just going to drag them down. If I don't talk about it here, I've decided not to try and talk about it to anyone at all.

They can't fix it anyway.

But it would be refreshing and liberating if we could share that we're thinking about committing suicide in the same way someone can share that they're thinking about buying a new car.

 

[ryo the frog]

I understand getting it off your chest but venting is just a temporary fix.
this is my life and only I can fix it, there's nothing anyone else can do for me. so for me, there's no point in it.

 

[ts0hill]

This post got more traction than I expected..

 

[akirat9]

There is no one to talk to. But I passed talking bit. It doesn't do anything. Maybe I ama lost cause or just not understood. I don't exactly like going through translator all the time either.

 

[TAW122]

When I see people online or irl talk about suicidal thoughts people always say go talk to your friends and family about it PleASe ReaCH OuT!! etc…
It's funny because they don't even want to talk to you about it.

But who are we suppose to talk to exactly? I won't talk to family about it and most friends because they will want to put me in the ward. I've had these thoughts for years and I've only felt comfortable talking to ONE person in my life about it who also suffers because they understand.

Also you always hear the same people say let's end the stigma of suicide while in the same breath saying suicide is never a way out. How are you ending the stigma by saying people shouldn't decide to end their own lives?! Lol

Ugh.

Most people are hypocritical morons that roam this existence and don't even bother to think about their own values, beliefs, or morals, and just accept the shitty status quo as is and strike down ANYTHING that could threaten the status quo. It is indeed infuriating and hence why there are various right to die and similar grassroots organizations working on destigmatizing the topic of suicide and death.

Indeed this idea of "talking" that would solve or improve things is a decoy. When you talk about these thoughts to your family / friends, there is a 100% chance that people will say: it's just a little depressed, don't think about it anymore. Or that there is worse in life: wars, famines, starving children. They will SYSTEMATICALLY invalidate your feelings. Unless the person you're talking to is also suicidal.
Then there are the people who are not going to react: I told some people that I was planning to make an attempt before the end of the year and they keep talking to me about 2023/2024, I don't know why. Denial can be.

And then even what would be the use of talking? Once the person knows, how will that help us? Nothing at all, it will just be one more person who knows the problem and we will feel ashamed, defrosted and even more like a nobody.

In fact, they want suicidal people to accept their outstretched hand so they feel less guilty for having done nothing to save us. It's purely selfish. Obviously the suicidal one day spoke about their suffering. Except they stopped doing it and were left alone because people invalidated their feelings. To say "talk about it, this will solve the problem" is a bit of an insult to our intelligence.

I can relate to this, most people don't really consider the REAL solution(s) to the problems an individual faces, but instead just throw out cookie cutter advice and dismissive benevolence (get HELP, talk to someone, it gets better, etc.).

Yes, most people especially the normies out there are nothing more than parasites who wish to be validated and feel 'good' for their useless drivel. Indeed, it is an insult to our intelligence as well as our credibility by treating us like children, infants, and worse than animals even..

I can say I've learned a lot from my years on this 'illegal' website. It's clear that 99% of people don't have competent or effective ways of dealing with suicidal people and it is tragic that they can lose loved ones due to sheer ignorance. This is where society's taboos and attempts at dismissing this issue backfire.

In turn, it is an error for suicidal people to assume that because family (etc.) are important people in our lives, that they will have anything to offer beyond the same old invalidation and faux positivity. And in some cases, they are a part of the problem to start with, but we don't even notice because we don't have any external reference point.

I've observed three possible things that can be appropriate for a suicidal person depending on the situation, but please feel free to contradict me:
1) To be heard and to allow feelings to be expressed; presumably the individual would have some cathartic release and feel clearer afterwards
2) To have genuine solutions to problems or alternative pathways presented
3) Safe method information when all else has failed, and yet such a person may still be venting by showing that they are serious and it's hard to tell

Well said, and the three factors you've listed are true, it would certainly help most but not all suicidal people. The niche suicidal people are those who are outliers and don't really fit into the three factors that are listed, but rather some do it for no reason, personal and philosophical reason, or even political reason (rare but possible).

I personally find the types of people who are against suicide to be irritating, people say you should talk to someone but talking helps nothing anyway, it doesn't take away why people are suicidal in the first place and would likely just make things worse (especially if the person being talked to is not suicidal in any way) and others can never really understand as they are not living our lives. I mean other suicidal people may be respectful if they are going through something similar themselves but the chance of having our feelings invalidated is always there.

But to me it's disturbing for someone to say that 'suicide is never a way out'. These people just want to force others to suffer and prolong their misery. Why should they have a say in others personal decisions, they are not living that persons life. Suicide can be the more rational solution to prevent unnecessary problems, there are an unlimited amount of ways in which life can torture people after all. I think that to be against suicide in any way the person must be incredibly deluded and ignorant, as there is no value in suffering.

Very well said, especially the first paragraph. I don't even talk about the topic of suicide IRL because I know people won't get it, they may even invalidate me, or the worst case, start monitoring me and questioning me, both of which I resent strongly.

YES.

A story (tangential to the conversation so far but very relevant - a case to consider, not a hijack. I wish to supplement, not replace):

At UCT, during the height of student protests, the uni used to say "we're here for you", "speak to one of our professionals" and all the usual shit. Except of course they weren't here for us, and good luck with those professionals. Most of the students had lost the institution's trust when it fired rubber bullets and teargas at them, had some arrested. And now it was telling them to speak to a councilor under its employ? Oh right, and for money unless they'd jumped through all sorts of hoops? Money which most, being actual working class people struggling through an institution designed for the middle-classes, had no dream of affording? And all for an anodyne conversation with someone who had no idea what was going on?

There were suicides by the semester. Every month or two. I remember the dour lights of an ambulance as they came to clear away someone who'd jumped off our residence's roof. The smattering of distasteful phones, the glazey gazes of remembered mortality. I remember envying her her lift to the morgue. Like, so viscerally. God. It never even occurred to me that I could speak to someone, because what would I say? "Why are you doing this to us?" Because how could you trust reaching out to some of the very people who are making your life such misery? Because who the fuck do you talk to when there're guns on campus? Do you talk to a gun?

This is far, far, far too brief a sketch, because I still need to work out how to tell this story, and yes - biased by the limitations of memory (memory doesn't easily forget the inside of a holding cell). Also I've conspicuously avoided the racial aspects to all this which were VERY significant, bc I haven't sussed out SS enough on these issues to calculate whether it would be productive. But this is a story I thought needed to at least peep in here.

I guess my point is, there can be many reasons for our antipathy towards this just talk attitude, in many contexts. Fear of admission is one, and one I've intimately experienced. A sense of the futility of the process too. But there're others. Not sharing a language or cultural background with the people you're supposed confiding in, sinking their ability to relate to you; not affording the services of anyone capable of actually helping; fear that your words are going to land you on trial. There are so many reasons to mistrust professionals.

What it often comes down to, then, is this: do you "just talk to" your enemy?

That's quite a touching story and you raise lots of good points and the last two paragraphs (including the last sentence) really shows that your thought process is similar to mine; I too treat professionals as enemies and opponents not to be (fully) trusted and always with some level of skepticism. These professionals wield so much power over other people and the fact that their word, their opinion alone can determine whether a person's civil rights and freedom can be (temporarily or indefinitely) suspended is more than enough to be weary and cautious of one's actions around them. Hell, I even avoid them unless there was a very niche purpose and even then, I've always am careful when it comes to them (most likely are mandated reporters too).

 

[Sad_Sack]

Well, unless there is some extremely skilled talker out there who could talk my health issues away.....

 

[Prescott241]

I agree wholeheartedly. I have trouble trying to even justify going to a therapist, personally. I've had positive experiences with therapy in the past, but the looming thought I always have is that this person (the therapist) only wants to talk to me because they're getting paid to, and to continue an endless cycle of "paying my dues" (via taxes, working, subjugation to others) just to exist on Earth and survive, let alone living a life worth living, even if they don't explicitly say that.

 

[charmsmilepromise]

I totally relate to that feeling.

It's like there's a part of us that desperately wants to get better. But we've tried getting better -- we've tried so many things over the years and it feels futile.

Lacking energy really contributes to feeling stuck. Giving up takes a lot of planning and energy. Getting better takes a ton of energy. It's easy to feel stuck in between.

 

[fireball2]

"Talking to someone," ime, always just ends with a trip to the ward. And the ward ends with some psychiatrist throwing Ativan at you and telling you to fuck off and see a therapist. And therapy ends with some PMC woman showing you the same list of coping skills you've seen since you were 13, then getting pissed that "hold an ice cube really tightly" and "snap a rubber band around your wrist" don't fix years of SI. Then she sends you to the back to the ward. It's a never ending cycle, and I'm personally sick of it.

 

[hellispink]

The truth is, no one cares. People only cry and go to the funeral after you already did it. If you alive talk to them or ask for help, you will be accused of being lazy, weak minded, or delusional. Oh right, you will become the negative person no one wants to be around. In other words, people are the most hypocritical beings you will ever find. It is simply not worth it. Most will only say talk to me out of gossip. That's what it is.

 

[actual_fox]

Luckily I have never been told this in context of suicide, but I also have never spoke to anybody about having plans/attempts IRL. Or even in voice chat.