Discussion I hate the part of me that wants to die

[Polyxo]

I'm being cared for, life is normal. I have an office job and family. I have an online friend who cares about me too. I can start applying to better jobs. I have some work experience. People have it so much worse than me. I'm grateful.

But I don't fucking belong here. I want to die. I'm already the black sheep of my family. Killing myself would bring them even more shame than I already have just by living. But there's no other option for me. I'm just hoping someone out there relates a little.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I'll see a post on here and wonder so much if I know the other person already from off this site, even as I know it's unlikely. I feel for my friends and my family, I do, but I can't get rid of the nagging voice in my head, the silent whisper telling me I'd be better off dead. The only reason I'm still here is that my mind hasn't accepted the permanence of death.

 

[monetpompo]

me and my sister both have adhd, autism, and depression, but the thing with my sister is that she can power through life because she has a support system and a will to live and i don't. she's just always been able to do things better than me even though we're meant to have the same problems. i feel like, even if i die, she'll just move on and keep chugging. i've had suicidal thoughts and the urge to self-harm since i was young. if i was just more like my sister and less fucked up, i wouldn't be here right now.