I hate that I am gay.

[Parnate]

I wish I was straight so I could have a normal life . I was always a feminine kid and bullied a lot for same.
My family has been pressuring me to get married. I now feel that not having a family of my own is a major part of life that I am missing out. I dread at an old age without my own kids or a life partner.
Is there a way to overcome this self hatred? Has anybody overcome it. I am getting counselling as well so will talk to counsellor soon.

 

[TenThousandTrees]

Yep, I feel very much the same way. I like to joke that I prefer "envy" over "pride" to describe my feelings towards my sexuality... as bitter and sad as it might be, I do admit I'm pretty jealous of straight people in general.

Obviously all relationships are hard and everyone has to deal with bullshit, but being gay by itself creates so much psychic damage. Judgement and alienation from the people around you. Statistically far more difficulty finding a long term stable, loving partner. And all the external factors aside, I think some of us grapple with a feeling that the way we live is just wrong. Yeah, "internalized homophobia" they call it, but I don't know, I can't help shake the feeling that it's something more innate than that. Is it so implausible that some deep part of my lizard brain is just screaming out that my attraction is against my basic evolutionary wiring?

I have very little doubt in my mind that if I were straight I would not be a member of this forum.

 

[cali22♡]

Never make the mistake of changing yourself for other people

If you're gay, it's who you are. . . omg no one can stop you from your sexuality. . .

( as a trans person I say it)

 

[alienfreak]

I feel the same. One of the main reasons i am back here is because I fell in love with a bisexual man, and he left me for a woman, stating he was confused and scared about his sexuality, scared of the consequences of coming out and being in a gay relationship, even after years together. Being gay makes everything so much more difficult and almost guarantees a difficult life.

I have tried to imagine finding someone else but when i try to research how people meet other gay guys these days, all I found is deeply depressing threads where everyone says it is almost impossible. Apparently everyone dates 1000 people from apps/bars in short-term relationships where everyone is fraught with mental issues, and then accepts that's all it will ever be like. I certainly don't have the desire or capacity for approaching all that. Straight people just go about their daily life and meet someone naturally; it is an incredible privilege.

Never make the mistake of changing yourself for other people

If you're gay, it's who you are. . . omg no one can stop you from your sexuality. . .

( as a trans person I say it)

of course we cant change or control the foundational parts of who we are, but it can be unfortunate, like of course i'd rather not be born with a disease

 

[twolegs]

I feel the same way but for being trans. I know I wouldn't hate it so much if people were more accepting of it, its freeing to be in spaces you know youre accepted in though. I hope things get better for you