I'm sure the title says enough but to start from the beginning, i'm from a "third world" country or it just seems people of my ethnicity or race is the punchline of many people's "joke" everywhere. i can simply pretend not to care but it really pisses me off whenever i try to be friends with people online or interact with them and they just treat my ethnicity differently like i'm some alien. i really cannot stand the racist "humor". i'm chronically online and rely on the internet for a lot of stuff, i'm socially isolated irl because of my depression and cannot connect with anyone irl. maybe many would call me "too sensitive" but since ive been dealing with this for too long whenever i try to connect with anyone on the internet, even got ghosted cus of it. i often resorted to lying about my ethnicity and made some "good" friends online but it just felt so fake, i did not want to bring myself to confess that i was lying so i ghosted them, i know it sounds stupid but i just didn't wanna face them.
my interest in music/movies (things i care about) mostly consists of fans who aren't poc or at least that is what i've observed. many of the friends that i manage to make online are only friends with me for a reason, like to get something out of me. it sucks that i'm not even able to connect with people online truly.
this has been the case for a longer time and has made me insecure to talk to anyone about my ethnicity, regardless there are still elements related to my ethnicity or the country i'm from that influence my life like the culture, history etc. i can never open up to someone without talking about those elements. i have no outlet to talk about my problems online and i'm just stuck feeling miserable. logging on the internet everyday or trying to communicate with people makes me feel worse.
my interest in music/movies (things i care about) mostly consists of fans who aren't poc or at least that is what i've observed. many of the friends that i manage to make online are only friends with me for a reason, like to get something out of me. it sucks that i'm not even able to connect with people online truly.
this has been the case for a longer time and has made me insecure to talk to anyone about my ethnicity, regardless there are still elements related to my ethnicity or the country i'm from that influence my life like the culture, history etc. i can never open up to someone without talking about those elements. i have no outlet to talk about my problems online and i'm just stuck feeling miserable. logging on the internet everyday or trying to communicate with people makes me feel worse.
