Venting I hate myself so much

[soulkitty]

I just want to cry. I hate myself because my stupid brain doesnt work properly. I cant do anything right and i deserve to die and experience every agonizing second of death. I really jut want to stop feeing bad i want to just fucking be able to breath and think without my thoughts being hell to me. Why cant i just exist without struggling so hard and being scared of everything. Im just a stupid fucking worthless piece of shit that doesnt desrrve anyjoy or hapiness i deserve to rot at the bottom of a hole somewhere and feel my flesh decay. Im hideous and an abomination to this world, society, and worst of all the people that considerme a friend. I should just fucking end myself already but im too much of a disgusting coward to even hang myself. I deserve to be hanging from a tree gasping for breath and its truly a diservice to the universe that i didnt have the guts to step off the chair the multiple times ive tried in the past. I couldnt even do that ONE thing right

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Fear is a common feeling to have,honestly i can relate to that in some way.

Don't hate yourself for having fear…some people are more delicate than others

I don't know you personally but i can assure you that your mot as useless and worthless as you claim and I can't say i like anyone that has made you feel that way consciously or not,could stem from toxic friendships bulling or abuse maybe even your own family it's not easy to shake feelings of inadequacy and I'm deeply sorry you feel that way and i relate heavily

You do deserve happiness,and you shouldn't feel forced to end yourself I know you don't see it rn butvthey are people who care about you they are people who will hurt when you go heck there is probably someone out there who will love you

I'm not going to ask you to continue going through this if you really don't want to but don't make the reason you go because of self hatred and feel like your doing a favour to others…again idk you but if you truly hate yourself as much as you claim you can't be a bad person a bad person doesn't hate themselves

Just know that people you know,people on this forum, and i care about you ok?

You arnt hated by everyone and you shouldn't have to hate yourself this intensely either,i hope my words can offer you some closure but i apologise if they don't

 

[lovedread]

I wish I could give you half as comforting words as you often give to others on this site but I want you to know that even though I don't know you I see that you're trying. Even though you go through a lot of pain you still try to help others. You are kind.

 

[Saturn_]

I feel devastated that one of the most kind and compassionate people on this forum thinks so lowly of themselves. You always make the effort to reach out to me and others in times of distress, you are always nothing but sweet to all of us. Yet your past mistakes hold you down, and all kind gestures never register in your mind as enough to you. No matter what good you do in this world, you see yourself as completely unsightly -- as "the worst person". I know you're a big OMORI fan like I am, and the psychology of that game and its characters really remind me of what you are saying.

"Your friends are wrong about you. The person they love isn't you at all." Maybe you operate on a belief that despite external actions, there are internal sins that you can never repent. That the only way to save others is to die. Human relationships are so endlessly complicated, and the closer we get to each other, the more likely we are to hurt one another. I know I have hurt others, and I know you've probably also done something similarly bad. And it's so hard to come to grips with this side of ourselves once we realize we've done something completely unacceptable. But when I read what you say on here, I see a person with a drive to bring out the best in others to the best of their capacity. Maybe you haven't kept yourself to the standards this moral code for your entire life. And I can't make you forgive yourself. But I think that maybe you ought to be a little kinder to yourself. Maybe you ought to try and take the time to extend this default attitude of kindness, which you so often extend to others, to your hurting self. I'm so sorry you feel that you have to treat yourself as a monster undeserving of happiness. I'm sorry you are suffering the way that you are.

 

[VIctorian_Hangman]

Would it be of help if someone were to hang you? Or if you were to hang alongside another?

 

[jarik]

Don't hate yourself. hate the things that forced you to hate you