SharkBiter
Local Fish
- Jan 22, 2026
- 3
Today is remarkably worse than yesterday. I just fucking hate myself. I can't explain it I just want to die I can't stop all the thoughts. I want to so bad, but I always manage to fuck it up. I could shoot myself I really could I really really could but I am so scared of what will happen to my family. I don't want to fuck it up. I dont know what to do anymore.
I want to sit at home and rot. I dont want to eat anymore, I just want to succumb to the elements. I cut myself again, but its starting to become monotonous and not as relieving. I feel alive, but I don't want to. I just cant do it anymore.
I dont know what else to say. Im so tired of explaining myself and re-explaining myself. Even if I did go to the doctor, what the fuck is that going to solve? more medicine? im fucking sick of shoving pills down my throat. I take 7/day I am so fucking sick of it. I go to work tomorrow but i just dont want to. i want to go in and lie on the floor in all the disgusting fucking germs and die. thats where i belong. dying in the earth would be too kind to myself. I deserve to go next to vomit stains and chip crumbs. I fucking hate myself I really really fucking do.
Im so tired i just dont know what to say. I dont know how to shoot myself. I cant even do it. I just dont have it in me. I cant do that to my family. people rely on me. i just cant do it i dont know i dont know anymore im so fucking tired
I want someone to save me. i just want someone to tell me itll be ok and i dont have to worry anymore. i remember going to a cafe in my hometown every day with my dad before school. we would get pancakes and they turned glass coke bottles into salt shakers and i just miss when i didnt do this to myself. i miss when i wasnt worried about how i looked or what i needed to do next. i read harry potter too much in class and drew cats on the whiteboard. i remember saying to my classmate that i was going to have pink hair like pinkie pie. i just miss who i used to be. i miss the kid i was before i was raped. i wish it never happened its been years and i still cant forget. i cant forget when i was molested either its just a horrible loop of my worst moments over and over again and it hurts so much. i hate when people touch me i hate when people look at me but i want so badly for people to see me. i hate my life i hate myself i hate myself so much i am such a piece of shit i cant even fucking off myself im such a useless piece of shit. im so tired and i dont know what to do
i remember when my dad drank so much and he tried to kill himself. i was 6 and i remember when 3 police officers took my father in handcuffs and took him away. i remember asking him what happened and how i felt when he finally did. i remember when i had to call the cops on my dad when i thought he was going to kill me. i remember how scared i was. i remember how much i thought i was going to die. i thought i was going to die without telling my mom i love her. i thought i was going to die in the room next to my sisters. i thought i was going to die and my death would be another public obit tossed into the trash. I was so scared and i still am but i want it so bad. i want to be dead i want to have control over one thing in my life. I feel so hopeless and useless and a fat fucking disappointment. im going to walk into work and i dont have enough bandaids to cover both of my arms so im going to have these fucking cuts all over me and im going to suck and get fired for being a fucking crybaby. my life isnt even horrible i am so privileged and so many people have done so much for me but im just a fucking spoiled brat
i wish i didnt have to wake up and i would die in my sleep. i want to go in a way where i dont even realize its going to happen. it just hurts all the time and i dont know what to do. nobody understands and thats so fucking cliche but nobody wants to understand. they can read articles and consult neurologists but nobody can fucking understand how much it hurts every day. it feels like physical agony deep inside my chest all the time. even when i am happy it hurts so much. i cant live in the moment, and i dont know if i have in the last decade. i wish i could just do it. im so gutless and stupid
i just dont deserve life i dont deserve to have people care for me and i dont deserve the handouts ive been given. im not worth the dirt on the bottom of a fucking boot. i want to die i hate myself. even in the written word i cannot fucking describe how much i hate myself. i despise, detest, loathe, HATE myself. if god was real he would save me. someone would save me. im such a piece of shit i cant even save myself. i dont even give anything a chance anymore. if i make a mistake its the same as stealing the crown jewels in my head. i dont deserve food or a bed or air or water i dont deserve anything i dont even deserve death. dying would be so easy and i would just fucking love it but i dont deserve to get anything i want. i deserve to fucking suffer for being such a horrible fucking loser of a person. i dont aspire anymore i am such a fucking useless fucking mess i fucking hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself there is no end to the hate i feel in my fucking heart. my blood pumps with detestation for the miserable fucking lump of a creature i am. i always fucking apologize for everything i dont have a fucking spine i deserved to get raped i was asking for it i fucking hate myself i hate myself i deserve it all i wa t to die i just want to end it i wantr to end my life im so sad all the time i cry every day i cqant stop crying i just want to die i want to die i want to die god i wish you would just kill me i wish he would just kill me i wishg i would just fucking die
I want to sit at home and rot. I dont want to eat anymore, I just want to succumb to the elements. I cut myself again, but its starting to become monotonous and not as relieving. I feel alive, but I don't want to. I just cant do it anymore.
I dont know what else to say. Im so tired of explaining myself and re-explaining myself. Even if I did go to the doctor, what the fuck is that going to solve? more medicine? im fucking sick of shoving pills down my throat. I take 7/day I am so fucking sick of it. I go to work tomorrow but i just dont want to. i want to go in and lie on the floor in all the disgusting fucking germs and die. thats where i belong. dying in the earth would be too kind to myself. I deserve to go next to vomit stains and chip crumbs. I fucking hate myself I really really fucking do.
Im so tired i just dont know what to say. I dont know how to shoot myself. I cant even do it. I just dont have it in me. I cant do that to my family. people rely on me. i just cant do it i dont know i dont know anymore im so fucking tired
I want someone to save me. i just want someone to tell me itll be ok and i dont have to worry anymore. i remember going to a cafe in my hometown every day with my dad before school. we would get pancakes and they turned glass coke bottles into salt shakers and i just miss when i didnt do this to myself. i miss when i wasnt worried about how i looked or what i needed to do next. i read harry potter too much in class and drew cats on the whiteboard. i remember saying to my classmate that i was going to have pink hair like pinkie pie. i just miss who i used to be. i miss the kid i was before i was raped. i wish it never happened its been years and i still cant forget. i cant forget when i was molested either its just a horrible loop of my worst moments over and over again and it hurts so much. i hate when people touch me i hate when people look at me but i want so badly for people to see me. i hate my life i hate myself i hate myself so much i am such a piece of shit i cant even fucking off myself im such a useless piece of shit. im so tired and i dont know what to do
i remember when my dad drank so much and he tried to kill himself. i was 6 and i remember when 3 police officers took my father in handcuffs and took him away. i remember asking him what happened and how i felt when he finally did. i remember when i had to call the cops on my dad when i thought he was going to kill me. i remember how scared i was. i remember how much i thought i was going to die. i thought i was going to die without telling my mom i love her. i thought i was going to die in the room next to my sisters. i thought i was going to die and my death would be another public obit tossed into the trash. I was so scared and i still am but i want it so bad. i want to be dead i want to have control over one thing in my life. I feel so hopeless and useless and a fat fucking disappointment. im going to walk into work and i dont have enough bandaids to cover both of my arms so im going to have these fucking cuts all over me and im going to suck and get fired for being a fucking crybaby. my life isnt even horrible i am so privileged and so many people have done so much for me but im just a fucking spoiled brat
i wish i didnt have to wake up and i would die in my sleep. i want to go in a way where i dont even realize its going to happen. it just hurts all the time and i dont know what to do. nobody understands and thats so fucking cliche but nobody wants to understand. they can read articles and consult neurologists but nobody can fucking understand how much it hurts every day. it feels like physical agony deep inside my chest all the time. even when i am happy it hurts so much. i cant live in the moment, and i dont know if i have in the last decade. i wish i could just do it. im so gutless and stupid
i just dont deserve life i dont deserve to have people care for me and i dont deserve the handouts ive been given. im not worth the dirt on the bottom of a fucking boot. i want to die i hate myself. even in the written word i cannot fucking describe how much i hate myself. i despise, detest, loathe, HATE myself. if god was real he would save me. someone would save me. im such a piece of shit i cant even save myself. i dont even give anything a chance anymore. if i make a mistake its the same as stealing the crown jewels in my head. i dont deserve food or a bed or air or water i dont deserve anything i dont even deserve death. dying would be so easy and i would just fucking love it but i dont deserve to get anything i want. i deserve to fucking suffer for being such a horrible fucking loser of a person. i dont aspire anymore i am such a fucking useless fucking mess i fucking hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself there is no end to the hate i feel in my fucking heart. my blood pumps with detestation for the miserable fucking lump of a creature i am. i always fucking apologize for everything i dont have a fucking spine i deserved to get raped i was asking for it i fucking hate myself i hate myself i deserve it all i wa t to die i just want to end it i wantr to end my life im so sad all the time i cry every day i cqant stop crying i just want to die i want to die i want to die god i wish you would just kill me i wish he would just kill me i wishg i would just fucking die
